If Loving You is Wrong…

Sometimes, I wonder if loving me is as easy as I think it is. I don’t really ask for much. I know people always say that but in honesty, I don’t . So, I’m just wondering why it seems like no one is willing to take on the task?

Let me just be clear, I don’t want loving me to be like a task. I don’t want it to be like some daunting, low paying job with no benefits. I don’t want to seem like I’m the last resort to keep somebody out of the poorhouse or rather to keep somebody from being single.

I want to be cherished, honored, I want to be a whole vibe for somebody and I want them to be feeling that vibe, I want them to be willing and able to return all the things that I gave them emotionally, physically, mentally, and especially spiritually.

Honestly, this has been the story of my life for the past years. I can’t even say couple because it’s been longer than that, if I said a few that’s not accurate either! It’s been a very long time!

You would think that I would learn some lessons from these patterns that I keep developing but some lessons are harder to learn than others. It’s not that it’s a difficult lesson to learn, it’s just that I’m such a hopeless romantic, that I have these blinders on but I haven’t learned to take them off just yet.

It’s not that I haven’t poured my heart out to this person and tried to let them know how I feel, and to show them who I am. It's just that they don’t want to see. That's the bottom line.

This is an extremely tough pill to swallow because I mean, who wouldn’t want love right? It’s something that we should all want right? However, I don’t think all of us know how to handle the love that we are given. Maybe because we’re not used to it or maybe because it seems too good to be true, but I’m 100% real and authentic and I don’t know why nobody can match that for me.

I refuse to have things be difficult on the easiest levels of love. Communication, reciprocation (one hand washing the other, a small favor), compliments to people on their assets (like their smile, how they look nice today)… Simple things like that.

None of those things, to me, are that difficult! I am met with opposition, shrugging off the nice or complimentary things that I say, blatant ignoring… And frankly, I don’t wanna deal with it anymore because I know I deserve better.

I’m not a space filler. I’m not here for you to use to pass time, somebody to talk to when you’re bored, Somebody to use for the things that you need but disregard me any other time or if I have any needs, somebody to be intimate with just because you haven’t had it in a while without even caring how they feel… Things like that matter and things like that don’t go unnoticed.

Not all of these are things I have personally experienced. However, they are definitely some things that I have gone through and things that my other single counterparts have gone through and are experiencing as well. Trust me, I’m not the only one who’s finding it difficult to find love. I’m not the only one that’s dealing with unrequited love. I’m not the only one bending over backwards to show somebody that I care and who is getting the bare minimum, if even that, in return.

i’m not saying this to throw anybody in the mix, or be shady or anything like that. I’m just trying to point out that it’s a lot of people in this world with a lot of love give.

On the other side of that, there are a lot of people who are missing out on that love because they either don’t know how to handle it, never experienced it and don’t believe it or have been damaged. The sad part is they are not trying to get that damaged fixed so that they can be loved again properly. They make loving them hard.

They make loving them hard and I realize that I’m not like that. I won’t embrace that because just simply put; loving me is not hard.

Loving them isn't wrong, they just aren't right for YOU!

They are not right for how they treat you and they are not right in their decision not to love you.

You deserve better.

I deserve better.

We, deserve better.

Say this affirmation to yourself every day: I am worthy, I am valuable, I am lovable and someone who matches my same vibe and energy, will soon find me.

So mote it be.

Asé, Asé Asé!