I Thought I Had to Be Someone Different Once I Got Married

By Sandy Lo

My entire life, I’ve been a creative through and through. Writing, graphic design, cooking, drawing—I always had a project going since I was a little girl. Whether it was creating a family newspaper and delivering it to each bedroom door on Sunday mornings, or baking a cake for someone’s birthday, I loved making something that could put a smile on someone’s face.

That love never faded. As a teenager, I wrote heartfelt letters, poems, songs, fan fiction, and articles for the school newspaper—always hoping to convert my classmates into Backstreet Boys fans.

At eighteen, I launched StarShine Magazine to give music artists a space to showcase themselves—and maybe turn the world into fans of theirs, too. At twenty-six, I published my first novel, finding a whole new outlet for my creativity. A few years later, I started my own marketing business, once again using my passion to help others.

I was a dreamer, a free spirit—or as my mother would say, a hippie. I lived for my work. Money didn’t matter.

Then I met Steven, and a bigger dream came true: I fell in love with a wonderful man who actually loved me back. I couldn’t believe the greatest dream of all came true when I walked down the aisle and said, “I do.”

As a married woman, I began to reevaluate my life. Stability had never been something I knew—not in a home, a job, or a relationship. But now I had Steven, and I felt like I needed to change—for us, for our future, and for the child we hoped to have one day.

By my forties, I was also burnt out. Tired of chasing dreams. Tired of demanding clients. Tired of having to come up with the “next big idea.” I decided to focus on finding a solid job with a well-known company and great benefits. That led me to becoming a licensed stockbroker for a large brokerage firm.

Me—in finance? I think everyone was shocked. At first, I was excited about the adventure. Passing the SIE, Series 7, and 63 exams felt like a great challenge, and I was proud when I earned a raise. But then came the actual work—fielding incoming calls in a “catchall” role, often from angry, frustrated clients. Many of their problems were out of my control—violations of SEC rules, holds on funds, strict company policies. Explaining regulations over and over was anxiety-inducing, but I still hit my metrics and performed well.

When it was finally time to move into a new role, I hit roadblocks. The “quick growth” we’d been promised at hire wasn’t happening—the company was restructuring. Even in other positions, I’d still be tied to the phones, and when I really thought about it, those roles didn’t excite me either.

Meanwhile, I felt my identity slipping away. I thought I’d still write on weekends, but I didn’t. I was exhausted, burnt out, and dreading each workday. My anxiety was through the roof.

Steven eventually joined the company in their 401k department after I recommended him. But he has a diagnosed anxiety disorder and began having panic attacks after just a few months.

We realized that our mental health mattered more than our paychecks. It was a tough choice because the company itself was great, but we had to walk away.

Steven, who’s earning a degree in computer science, found a job as an office assistant at a furniture company. I returned to my business, welcomed back eager clients, and relaunched StarShine Magazine.

Sometimes you have to step away from what’s familiar to see it clearly. I don’t regret my time in finance—it taught me a lot about investing and gave me a new perspective. But it also reminded me of who I am and what truly makes me happy.

When I was torn about leaving, Steven said something that made me cry instantly:

“I love that you’re a dreamer and do what you love. That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you, and I want you to teach our future child to go after their dreams.”

I always wanted that for my child, too. And I realized—I don’t have to change who I am to be married.

For a long time, I thought being an “adult” meant giving up what you love for a paycheck. If that’s the case, I’ll be a child forever—and I’m grateful I have a husband who feels the same way.

Follow us on @AllsFairInLoveNWriting on Instagram & TikTok!

For more info + posts: https://sandylo.com