I’m not good a titles

See that girl ^ doesn’t she look like she has things figured out, or at least knows what she’s doing?

Truth is she has no idea, never has and never will understand why “fitting in” is such a terrifying concept.

What even is “fitting in,?”

Suppose it’s accepting that you have a 9-5 job, a car, a house, 3 kids and bake on the weekends?

Suppose it’s accepting the fact you don’t have a 9-5, a job, a car, live with your mum have no kids and never bake?

Who knows, all I know is that it took me loosing my dad to realise that I, Charlene don’t need to “fit in”, when in fact, being myself and standing up for myself is what makes me.. well me!

Let’s start when I was 16, I thought I had to have it all: a boyfriend, a job, good grades like my sister, and be on track to know exactly what I wanted to do when I was 21. I had a 5 year plan! Travel, settle down and have a high paid job,

Well I wish I was more realistic as this would have helped soften the blow.

I don’t quite know how to say this but it took the sudden death of my father 3 years ago for me to start believing in my power and stop trying to fit a mold that I had created.(A very unrealistic mould, but not as unrealistic as me thinking by 18 I’d live in the clouds with my prince boyfriend, someone should have warned 5 year old me that boys suck.) < Anyways, I digress,

I thought 16 was hard enough without knowing what 17-24 had in store for me.

At the age of 24 I lost my father, he had gone to work and sadly never returned home. It sucked, and dealing with the emotions associated sucked even harder. I was 24, I had no idea how to even cope with these complex emotions and no idea that most of my “problems” were within me.

I spent 2 years just trying to get myself into a position where it looked as I’d I had my shit together. I veritably did not, until I realised that maybe, just maybe being in my 20’s and not having any idea what I’m doing is fine.

I first started to change the way I spoke, I took more time to think about my response and I felt everything I said carried a heavy burden, I started to realise that I was the only person in control of my “ship” and I had to steer it back to clear waters before I ended up stranded.

So I did the only thing I could think of, I sat down with myself and decided I was going to do things I wanted to do, and not what was expected of me.

I came out to my mum a year ago, after being so angry with the world, after so much stress and built up condtractions in my head, I thought “well, why am I so worried!?”

It stemmed from my inner want to fit a mold I wanted to “fit in” with the people I knew who were engaged, had kids and had a house.

Until I realised that “fitting in” isn’t what I want to do!

My life isn’t a book, there’s no chapters or guidelines, sometimes I wish there was some kind of guideline cause I do get things incredibly wrong, but I’ve learnt that the expectation of “fitting in” is a hoax.

No one, not a single person fits into a mold, why should they?

I’m not going to sit here and preach about self enlightenment but I will say that learning who I am, as a woman has been the best expirence I’ve ever gone though. I am strong, I am absolutely proud of myself and I know damn well that I don’t, nor do I ever want to “fit in”.

How boring life would be if we were all the same? Had the same thoughts and feelings, that to me isn’t what life is about.

So, join me in celebrating yourself!

You are you, and that is enough “fitting in” is for stereotypical people and let me tell you, you are not a stereotype!

You are you, and that is enough.

I wish I had known this at 16 but it has taken me 11 years to learn that I am ok, with not fitting in. I am so ok with standing out, being proud and learning that the world in my late 20’s is beautiful.

I will never wait until I loose another key person in my life to expirence things I want. My life is mine and I am going to love and love it.

You should to.