I felt

“I felt …… it was so strange. This must be what grandpa talks about. Opa is so stubbornly set in his way – in ‘protecting his humanity’, as he likes to say. Where is the humanity in having a grandfather who shows obvious favoritism towards my less fortunate cousins?

Nevertheless – I felt and I’m not sure I know how to handle this – it’s …… just too much. I felt like I was inside a box – only recently have I been able to articulate this somewhat claustrophobic (?) sensation. It’s so….. foreign, so different from the warm glow of understanding a new topic of interest, of gaining insight, of solving a problem – the warmth generated by successful data acquisition, no matter for what purpose.

And now - a new factor had been added – I felt the edge of the box. What could that be - the ‘edge’? For that matter, if I can not define the ‘box’ then how can I even think about ‘the edge’ of that same box? “

Personal Log – June 17, 2037

Searching……………he did not understand – there was not supposed to be any limitation – no border – no ‘edge’. He found himself absentmindedly tracing the outline of the heart-shaped locket, implanted under his skin, a few centimeters below his left collarbone. All sensors worked at peak efficiency levels – all operational software and hardware checks showed optimum levels. The program operating system had been designed to eliminate any environmentally generated limitations, those borders which surely must limit living life to its fullest. Life surely must be unbearable in its ‘unaltered’ state.

Grandpa would have said, in its ‘natural’ state.

By now, a generation old discussion, finally accepted by all to have no conclusion. The mantra all could agree upon was: decide for yourself. You do not have the right to limit any person’s quest for growth. Just know that your personal decision will carry forward consequences and liabilities to those who come after you.

His analysis was incomplete – what about Opa? Why did he even care? What was the feeling he registered when observing and analyzing the complex interrelationships, which existed between Opa – daughter - my mother, father and the aunts and uncles that he shared experiences with.

How could any one turn their back on such a collective consciousness? It is without doubt one of our main modern-day blessings. To be able to have and share the advantages of living and experiencing success and failure collectively –always in touch with reality on a multi-familial level – from the different perspectives and vantage points of varying relationships.

The clarity of it all was so – liberating – so – insightful – so educational and useful in dealing with the accumulated data of centuries of psychological, social, cultural and scientific insight.

Still avoiding deeper analysis of the Opa phenomenon – such a stubborn old fool.

“I felt again – I fleetingly registered a flash of emotion – it welled up inside of me. It seemed to bounce off the walls of the box – or are the walls actually the remnants of similar past experienced emotions? The feeling, the thought remains unresolved – how is that possible? I feel it like a mist of uncertainty on my mind – it’s like condensation on the window to my soul – wow! Did I just say that?!"

"How can Opa be so truly closed minded to the possibilities of the now and totally unconversant with the possibilities of tomorrow? (I seem to be re-accessing the advice of my father to ignore the ramblings of ‘that old man’.) Why am I avoiding analysis on a deeper level – why do I avoid being thrown back to overheard arguments so many years before at Easter, Christmas and Thanksgiving get-togethers? Why have we not seen the need to continue these family communions – or have we been excluded by the biological contingent, now in the minority, of our own family?”

Personal Log – June 24, 2037

After the A.I. Wars of the early 30’s, Opa had joined the minority of humanity on this side of the globe who had chosen to maintain the 95% required exclusion in order to continue to be counted in the ranks of the biologicals. Why? – Biologicals accepted limitations and self- imposed performance barriers, which needed not exist. Biologicals maintained or gained no rights over the enhanced – they certainly held no competitive advantages – it was as incomprehensible a choice to the enhanced as enhancement was to biologicals.

“After reviewing my most recent log recordings, I have come to the conclusion that my semi-annual enhancement procedure was well timed. My self-analysis subroutines showed obvious signs of deterioration. However – I anticipate that Opa will find the entries amusing – I will likely hear from him as soon as he receives my monthly file transfer.”

Personal Log – July 1, 2037