I Don't Know What You Wanted From Me. Pt. 2

I think the final display of your character I needed to see from you to close your chapter completely was the final thing you text me.

One word was all you said… “petty.” to me removing your access from something that was mine that I let you use once we broke up showed a sense of entitlement and lack of ability to reflect and awareness. You were unable to check the feelings you were feeling but rather acting on them in an immature and unwarranted way.

I think you think you feel your feelings but you actually just run from them. You shut them down. You avoid them. You blame. You pick apart. You compartmentalize.

I think you think you’re emotionally available but the only person who you’re actually available to is yourself. Because if you were available to me you would have done more than just acted as if you heard my wants and needs, you would have acted on them and done something to make me feel seen.

I feel like you created the false illusion of hearing me when in reality you just observed and processed me. You noted the things I shared and found ways to exploit and capitalize because you didn’t feel anything, you evaluated, you in a way just utilized it for your own gain.

I think you listen with a false sense of security often getting defensive in making things about you that are my experiences and me trying to share a vulnerable part of me.

I think you always found a way to make everything about you when it wasn’t even about you. Whether it was you relating it back to you or you taking it personally or you trying to prove you were right and I was wrong.

It never was just you listening and you validated or you trying to actually see me in what I was conveying. It wasn’t connection, it was lack of.

I think you tried to come at me and say you felt like I showed you an unauthentic and curated versus from the start and then switched it up when in reality you just saw other sides of me that were raw and real and they weren’t as easy for you to cope with and get along with.

I think you think you want real until real is required, showing up in real ways that are raw.

I think you tried to gaslight me into saying I was not truthful and fake when I know I was and when it was you who inherently lied about the true capacities and capabilities of what you could actually give and have learned to use the skills to handle things that you clearly didn’t.

I think that is the thing about knowing your intentions align with your values and who you are is that you can confidently stand by if someone questions that because you know you showed up authentically.

I think it’s interesting you saying you felt I fell in love with the idea of you versus you when all I ever tried to do was see you and make you feel seen when I feel you fell in love with the idea of who you thought I could be for you and not to you, not who I actually am.

I think you have a lot to learn about what it looks like to truly create a safe and nurturing space to allow someone to feel connected and open beyond the comfort of one’s self.

I think until you gain the capacity to even begin to comprehend that if someone doesn't feel safe they won't open up about how they feel is a good starting point for you.

I think at the slightest sign of inconvenience you are ready and willing to run, far and fast.

I think you are ready to discard, ready to jump ship at the first sign of difficulty.

I think you don't want things to change because you don't want to have to meet anyone's expectations except your own.

I think you're afraid to have that pressure.

I think you're so afraid of disappointing someone and being criticized that you don't want to feel any sort of expectations.

I think it’s ironic how you were hyper sensitive to any feedback or criticism about things about you but conveyed it tenfold.

I think you’re so afraid of needing someone, depending on someone, or wanting someone enough that you are so easy to just let someone go, you’re so easy to dismiss someone because it’s easier than letting yourself get close because of the fear you hold.

I think you will only ever want and be okay with the expectations that you create, the rules that you place, the definitions you define, and the expectations that you set.

I think you don't understand that will never work, at least not for the kind of thing you claim you want.

I think that you think you are so connected with yourself when in fact the fact that you are so detached from the feelings that you feel.

You are unable to convey those feelings is proof of how disconnect you are with your own self. You are unable to manage the things you feel, you are unable to adapt. I saw this translate in so many ways.

I think you surround yourself with those who will reaffirm the narratives you tell yourself and toxic ways you go about things believing who you are is who you tell them and not those who will realign you.

I think these are the only people who stay in your life.

I think you are a reflection of old repeated cycles stuck on a loop that no one has ever tried to stop, to guide you to a new way. But I don't think you're ready to stop either and for some reason a part of you thought maybe I would be that person. But never with the way you play on repeat.

I think that changing dynamics and labels scare you because you are inflexible to anything that isn't inside of the comfort bubble you've made, you've defined for yourself that you only know how to exist within.

I think you’re uncomfortable with having to be uncomfortable for the sake of meeting someone else’s needs and wants.

I think that you saying that I care too much about what others think is an inherent reflection of the fact that you're incapable of considering how something you do could possibly impact someone else.

And I believe that is a direct reflection of your capacity to feel empathy, to care even in a tiny sense.

I think you say you want reciprocation but do you even know how to give that yourself.

I think you say you value consistency but do you even know how to give that in the ways that matter; in the rules you don’t set yourself; on only your terms and in your comfort.

I don’t think you know how to take accountability in something even if you don’t feel like you were wrong.

I think that you say you want your independence but what you truly want is control.

I think you were incapable of making adjustments to show consideration to make me feel more comfortable or more secure or show caring about my feelings and the capacity to compromise.

I think you work so hard to use concise language to control to give the false illusion that you have your shit together and are more healed and evolved than you actually are.

I think you wanted to break me down.

I think you enjoyed finding ways to undermine me and then acted like you had no idea cause it is just the way you are…

I think you despised everything that made me who I am and tried to get me to hate those parts too so I’d abandon them to create the version you wanted me to be.

I think it’s funny how you are so sensitive to being criticized yet so quick to criticize.

I think you laughed when I said that I thought you hated my entire existence but deep down you knew it was true, you just weren’t done playing your games.

I think you thought I would be easier to fold, easier to manipulate.

I think you got triggered when I wasn’t, when I stood up to you and stood strong in the things I know I am, in the good parts of me that you tried to get me to hate that you tried to gaslight.

I think you tried to make me insecure in ways so that you could get what you wanted when I was always secure.

I think you tried to make me question everything I knew very deeply about who I am and in the things that I pride myself on, the things that matter. I think you tried to make me question who I fundamentally was and who I have known myself to be so you could build me back up.

I think it was real rich you trying to make me question my self worth when yours was feeling insecure.

I think you tried to make me believe that I wasn't everything I know myself to be, that I was selfish when I have always known myself to be very selfless when it comes to those I care and love.

I think you didn’t expect me to push back and be so strong in expressing my needs and wants and my desire to resolve and clarify conflict and that was deeply triggering to you as you tried to constantly grasp for control.

I think you tried so hard to gaslight me into believing so many things were normal that weren’t.

I think that was one of the most telling thing was how you tried to gaslight and project your own character onto me except I am sure and secure in who I am and rejected it which your ego didn’t like.

I think you attempted to gaslight me until I had no gas left, until I forgot what my car even looked like if it was up to you.

I think you thought you were ready to be challenged, to feel your fears, to put your healing to the test and you clearly weren’t.

I don’t think you were ready to embrace someone like me with a truly open heart, open mind, and will to connect; a will to meet in the middle.

A will to see past yourself, your own desires, and your comforts to see another without feeling like you would somehow lose your sense of self in the process when that was never asked of you.

A desire to coexist, not have a connection of convenience.

I think you questioned if I was in the place to be ready for a relationship because it was really you that you were questioning.

I think that the relationship you want is conformity, not compromise.

...And that is why the only things that have lasted for you are people who bow down to letting you take the drivers seat without protest for what they want.

I think the only people that stay are the ones who let you dismiss their wants and needs and replace them with your own.

Someone that is able to be manipulated into believing that what you want is what they also want. I think the only ones who will ever work for you are the ones you are okay with you invalidating them in the process.

I don’t know why you ever thought I would be that person. I very clearly understand the line between being kind, mindful, and considerate and being a doormat and I have too much self respect for that.

I think your inability to see beyond yourself even if you disagree reflects your lack of ability to try see someone else as an independent individual but more so in wanting them to conform to make yourself feel more comfortable.

I think that inability shows the lack of respect you’re capable of holding but the double standard lies in that you want someone to respect you in that way and are hypersensitive to if you feel someone is asking you to change when they are just voicing their voice as you are yours.

I think you think you’re not in fight or flight mode because you are able to keep your emotions under wraps but you are or else you wouldn’t take everything as an attack in being hypersensitive to anything you perceive as criticism to your sense of self or sense of independence.

I think you perceive everything as criticism even when it is just someone expressing themselves which they should be free to do.

I think you don’t understand the difference in someone asking you to change and someone asking you to see them through the things they express.

I think we never really had a chance because you always wanted to benefit of the doubt, for me to never assume anything which is in a way unfair as we have all had our own human experiences that have shaped us into how we currently are so at some point even if I don’t mean to it is likely to happen.

I think you explicitly invalidating any of the story that has made someone else who they are and came before you knew them is the true lack of expression in how little you want to fully understand someone else.

I think you want understanding but refusing give it in return you instead give criticism and why you think that will bring any positive effects was always perplexing to me.

I think you making something about you when someone is sharing something with you to the extent you did is utterly astonishing when in actuality it has nothing to do with you and isn't for you to judge.

I think you weren’t honest with yourself and with me when I asked you question to clarify your capacity in things and non-negotiables and create a false illusion that you were okay with things you weren’t really going to be.

I think you withhold affection as a way to someone question things and stay in control.

I think you have no idea how to communicate with empathy because you think the only way to be authentic to you is to communicate insensitive and directly. And that is tragic that you think it would be inauthentic to communicate with sensitivity for someone you claim to care about. You can be direct and be sensitive, it’s called being mindful and careful with your words because you care how they affect someone else.

I think you have no idea to truly be respectful in communication when you don’t agree with the something and that isn’t something to brag about.

I think you made pointedly abusive comments that’s any normal person would know not to make. Comments that you don’t make to people you care about. Comments that a healthy person would never stoop so low.

I think you communicate in a selfish way because it shows no consideration of how your actions make me feel.

I think you used cruel harsh words with no care about the impact. I think you would say mean things knowing how they would affect me and not feel bad about it.

I think that a secure person, a kind person wouldn’t weaponize pain, trauma, and things you’ve shared.

I think that the way that you chose to be so unwarrantedly malicious in the last conversations with the passive aggressive insults but yet directly hurting me with sharp comments in all the places that you knew would fuck with me is who you are.

"I think the truest testament to truly loving someone is creating a safe space and choosing to still protect that no matter the feelings you feel as time goes on but refusing to betray the trust that was given in the things that were share out of respect, out of love.

No matter what happens, no matter what you felt by what was trigger but refusing to weaponize the things they trusted you with. It is choosing to still protect their feelings above your own but never at the cost of your own, understanding those things can coexist.

-MF"

I think a kind person would never say anything that would directly insult or make someone feel insecure or less than.

I think you see challenge in a negative light as something you internalize instead of something you see as an opportunity to grow, to evolve, and to expand.

I think you think by ending this, by running away at being called out for things and refusing to allow it to better you that you think you’re protecting your peace but you’re actually just avoiding accountability.

I think you try to play off your irrational tendencies and habits as normal characteristics when they aren’t and anyone with an ounce of a grip of self awareness could see through that bs.

I think you think you’re a good communicator but you still allow your ego to stop you when you value your own comfort over the connection.

When you can’t see past your own feelings and thoughts to try to validate others. When you refused to give reassurance when someone needs it. When you criticize when listening is what is needed, to recognize when to hold and comfort. When the hard moments come to choose to create a safe space or grow farther apart.

I feel like you treat things and people in your life as disposable if they become inconvenient or make things too “complicated or hard” because it’s easier for you to not care than to care.

And that is a conscious choice you choosing to treat people like that to treat their feelings with negligence.

I think you see people as expendable and that is the mentality through which you begin connection and why they fall apart because you’re so focus on you not “needing” anyone that you align the need for feeling like the priority and feeling right.

I think that you truly do not care about what it takes to get your way and that my way or the highway mentality will make it very hard to ever build long term relationships with anyone healthy and will burn alot of bridges and hurt alot of people in the process especially if you mislead them in where you are truly at.

I think you see people are collateral. And I hate that for you, truly.

I think you are so wrapped up in needing to be right and have things your way and thinking things can’t be any other way that you are so indifferent to the needs of others especially to someone you claim to care about.

I think you are careless about the things that others feelings and that is reckless behavior that I will never stand by, that I will never be complacent to.

I think you give a false sense of security at first trying to make one believe you’re willing to meet another’s wants and needs when in actuality you have no capacity or desire to try to meet someone else’s needs but are completely okay leaving them neglected as long as you feel you’re are met, you only care.

I think you only care to notice when yours aren’t being fulfilled.

I think you in a way deceived me into believing you were capable of loving and showing up in real ways for someone other than yourself when you really lacked all skills needed to truly connect and build a connection.

I think it is possible you didn't mean to because you are lying to yourself so how could you possibly be honest with someone else.

I think you thought you were in a place to entertain, to build a relationship but you have no business involving someone else’s feelings with the mentality toward a relationship that you have.

I think that once you realized that I wasn't going to be controlled and manipulated as easily as you're used to that you defaulted to trying to make me be the problem when I never was and luckily for me, I knew that.

I think you would try to make yourself sound humble or open to things you weren’t so that it made it seem like things weren’t one sided or you were unreasonable which you are.

I think you said you don’t like to play games but you love to play mind games or at least your ego does…

I think you thought you felt but you lacked so much feeling in actuality which was apparent by the end when you were perfectly okay with discarding me once I was categorized as a nuisance and inconvenience to you.

I think the best example of that was the way you bullied me and tried to make me feel inferior or like I was the one to blame and wrong until the end, even after the end.

I think you're very quick to blame everyone except yourself when something is wrong because your ego couldn't possibly fathom not being right.

I think you’re incapable of taking accountability and responsibility for your part in things.

I think you showed me all the signs of narcissism in ways but because you were covert it took me a minute to qualify you as such.

I think you talk a lot about how you want things to be a partnership but you don’t truly believe that you talk about it because that’s what you think you’re supposed to say and want but at your core that isn’t because you don’t act like it’s a partnership, you don’t know what that even truly means and requires.

I think you talked all this talk about wanting a partnership when in reality you want a dictatorship.

You want a subject not a partner because you don’t know what a partnership would even be.

I think you always saw conflict as a competition instead of a connection.

I think you’re incapable of giving grace, giving understanding, giving empathy, and giving patience.

I think you narcissism is the personification of the double standard that you represent.

I think you think of only narcissism as how your mom was but I think she was overt and you evolved into covert as a result and that’s how you evolved to cope with her abuse and until you come to terms with that no real connection, no healthy person will stay; will last.

I feel like you created an illusion of compatibility and then tried to gaslight me and blame it on me and act like it completely thwarted you by the end.

I think you liked acting like you were open to being challenged and growing and accepted you were imperfect but at the same time I think we’re much that was a fallacies you created to make yourself look a certain way.

I think you didn't think I would be able to vet out all the inconsistencies.

I think you didn’t expect me to actually be as intelligence, mature, and aware as I am and you tried to find a way to make me question that and knock me down so that I wouldn’t have the confidence and awareness to see through all of the things you did, all the things you are but eventually I did.

I think you put up a facade that faded very quickly and you didn’t expect me to notice and that is where you were very, very wrong.

I think you tried you best to make me resent and question all these things about myself that I know are good qualities and pieces of me to degrade my self esteem and self confidence so you could manipulate me but I didn’t let you because I know those things aren’t in question, they aren’t bad things.

I think you tried to find ways to not trust me when I truly never gave you any but quite did the opposite.

I think you think that it’s better to just have to worry about yourself and be able to do things the way you want rather than to share those because to you sharing means sacrifice instead of connection.

The idea of sacrificing something you want to make someone else happy doesn't mean anything to you because all you see is a loss internalized as a piece of who you are and you independence with that. It holds no value because all you see it as is a threat.

I think you sabotage relationships that do happen in your life cause you think it's easier to protect, ensure your happiness in being alone.

I think you have no idea how to be gentle with someone because you’ve never learned how to be gentle to yourself, how to truly be kind to yourself.

I think you like to act like you don’t need control but if you look at everything you need to do a certain way and need things to be, you do need control or you can’t handle it as we saw. You cannot operate with someone or in an environment you can’t control and it’s funny how you think you can.

I think you didn’t like that I made you feel and see parts of yourself that you’re used to being able to hide from.

I think you didn’t like that I wasn’t afraid to say no to you. I think you didn’t like that I didn’t think you were always right. I think you didn’t like that I would disagree. I think you couldn’t handle it.

I think you wanted everything from me that you couldn’t give. A paradox to unpack by itself.

I think you didn’t like that I didn’t think you were perfect and even though you tried to create the perception that you know you aren’t, you clearly do or else you wouldn’t hate so much when I made you reflect on things; you wouldn’t take it so personally as somehow an attack on your sense of self if you were truly secure in who you are.

I think you didn't like that I was able to magnify and bring light to things you didn't want me to see.

I think you have no idea how to express your feelings…you know how to express your opinion, your thoughts, and your beliefs but not what you actually are feeling.

You can articulate everything, you can run every way around it but you cannot just express openly your feelings in a respectful, open way.

I think you wanted space to talk things out on your terms and when you needed it but have no intentions of ever giving me that same space. And then were confused why I wouldn’t immediately open up to you when things bothered me even when I said I didn’t feel safe…

I think you never valued me for who I was and if you’re ever honest with yourself you would be able to recognize this as I have.

I think you valued the idea of me until it no longer served you.

I don’t think you ever truly appreciated me or else you wouldn’t have even at the end tried to pick me apart as you did because you would’ve known how incredibly disrespectful and cruel that is.

I think you only ever focused on how you felt and never how I felt.

I think you wanted it to be all about you when with someone like me or really anyone who wants a healthy relationship dynamic it never was going to be just all about you because I always mattered too. And the danger with someone like me is that I knew that.

I think you do not want to have to be responsible for anyone else's feelings and so you find every reason not to but will accept all the love that others giving without feeling any need to give anything in return.

I think you care so much about timing, you talked about it so much because you’re always trying to find it wrong, find it not right.

I think I should’ve seen the flags by so many things you said to me but you gave me hope.

I think you try to make it seem like you create space for someone else’s feelings and wants to be seen and heard but only a naive person would not see past the facade of the reality of what you actually create with your actions.

I think I should’ve taken note of the fact that you said you’re normally calm, cool, and collected and a fuck boi but you were the opposite when I met you.

I think I should’ve taken closer note of the lack of any consistency or proven relationship history.

I don't think you wanted a relationship and I don't think you ever truly will. I don't think you're meant for it, your track record parallels have shown that.

I think you find it incredibly hard to maintain any lasting relationship because of how fragile your sense of self is and how that controls you and manifests throughout you.

I think I should’ve taken note of so many things, so many signs that in ways told me who you would be if I kept trying to dig deeper which I did.

I think all along you tried to tell me that my want for expectations was wrong when in truth you just wanted yours to be the only ones that mattered.

I think maybe you’re so reluctant to relationships and getting attached to people maybe because there’s a part of you that is incapable of ever loving someone as much as you love yourself.

I think you tried to justify so many things that you did, said, or how you were in some weird fucking up rationale when it never was going to actually make sense to anyone with a single brain cell that could think for themselves and not just think with you, as you.

I think you think you’re capable of depth but you seem to be only capable of fostering shallow relationships.

I think you always tried to pick me apart to unpack my trauma without being willing to unpack yours with me in return.

I think you run from the things that you fear in feeling instead of facing them and feeling through them.

I think your refusal to acknowledge your reality and take any accountability in any situation that you don’t “believe” that you are wrong will always leave you empty.

I think you care too much about being right in the moments when you should be prioritizing finding understanding and how we are going to validate each others feeling in that.

I think you care too much about winning because you’ve never learned to understand the win that sometimes lies within losing.

I think the emotional immaturity shines through in what you value in conflict and that never was in making me feel heard or seen.

I hope someday you learn. I hope someday you find it within yourself to accept accountability and acknowledge these things that live inside of you.

I don’t think you ever cared about my happiness if it didn’t exactly align with your idea.

I think it’s funny how much “equality” was to you but yet you had no idea how to “compromise.”

I think you never truly wanted to commit, you never wanted to have to consider anyone else’s feelings so I don’t know why you initiated some level of commitment with me to begin with.

I think you reminded me of the valuable lesson in the fact that emotionally unavailable people do not become emotionally available because you stayed, tried to understand them, and loved them.

A reminder that you can’t love someone into loving you more...not like I ever got to that point but nonetheless.

You can’t teach someone to care if they have no capacity to care in the first place.

I think your lack of self awareness started showing when it was clear you had double standard when it came to expectations of me that were inconsistent in follow through on your end.

I know myself all too well to hold things that aren't mine to hold.

I think you wanted me to hold projections and fall into the traps you set. I think you wanted to control me and I never did what you wanted me to. I never would hold what you tried to hand me because I knew better.

I think you're used to people holding what you tell them to hold and that was never going to be me.

I think you wanted me to hold things that weren't mine to hold. And then acted surprised when I had the audacity to reject it, to stand up to you; to stand up for me.

I paid attention and I watched as your behaviors played out and questioned you when you questioned me.

I think that is heartbreaking that someone could be so cruel to someone else that they claimed to ever care about and stoop to a level that I could never imagine bringing myself to completely lacking all empathy for another human.

I think you tried so hard to get me to buy into the belief of the idea of you rather than who you actually are because you knew that was the only way to try to combat the fact that I would find out at some point that you had a blatant inability to accept accountability or consider someone else in a way that doesn't serve you.

I think you will make every excuse in the book to try to justify your toxic behaviors when in reality the lack of accountability is what holds you back from ever truly healing.

I think you want the world to change while you are unwilling.

I think you think that your pain, your trauma, and your past excuse how you are than they allow you to escape responsibility of the effects that your actions and words have on impacting others.

I think you think that the way you have been is a valid excuse for inexcusable behaviors and treatment of others that is inherently disrespectful of their feelings because you feel like considering them would somehow be threatening your sense of self.

It would not feel threatening to "who you are" if in reality someone truly had healed and evolved would know that being kind and treating people's feelings with consideration and approaching things mindfully has nothing to do what threatening someone's identity.

Just as allowing yourself to expand your perspective and fully embrace seeing someone's side of things or how they think is not a matter of either of you being right or wrong or an attack on who you are and what you believe unless that is how you believe it to be, unless you absorb it as such.

To understand that "seeing" someone, the things that they feel and think doesn't equate to sacrifice of who you are, that it has nothing to do with that.

It is an opportunity to connect not conflict. It is an opportunity to nurture safety not perceive an attack. It is an opportunity to grow not regress. It is an opportunity to validate, to see not to hide or hinder.

I challenged you to prove how truly self aware you claimed to be rather than just believing you like you're used to.

I never looked at you in the light you wanted me to see you in because I always saw past that and eventually brought to light the truth of who you are and where you are actually at with everything you've "healed and learned."

I think you always wanted it to be all about you, you always somehow had to make yourself the "victim" even if it wasn't in the traditional sense people perceive it as which makes it harder to identify what you are.

I think you thought you could trick me if anything on a subconscious level.

I saw all the inconsistencies with the things you said and did and all the inconsistencies that lived between.

I think you create a false sense of vulnerability to make people think they can trust you when in reality as you said "you never want anyone to truly know all of who you are."

I think it is ironic in how you so badly want to be accepted as you are but you do not even begin to know where to start in respecting and accepting someone as they are.

I think it's funny how somehow it was always my perspectives and the way that I see the world that were always being challenged when my integrity, my heart, and my willingness to be selfless was never the one that was truly questionable.

My character was never up for debate because from the start I knew what I wanted and what I needed and you could never say that I didn't express that to you.

I think you want to make people be who you want them to be for you instead of allowing them to be who they are.

I think you have a fucked up idea of what it means to create, to nurture a safe space and until you unfuck that...

I think the fact that you think that invalidating someone's feelings is going to make them be open to expressing what they think and feel freely is truly wild.

No matter how good of a communicator someone is or how well they are able to understand the things they feel why would they ever share those with someone they do not feel safe to express things to.

I think it’s funny how you said you are a consistent person and then by the end of it when I told you things that showed me that and gave me stability and made me feel safe you told me you would never be able to give that to me.

I think it’s funny how you told me you cared about consistency but have no idea how to give that.

I think you think you understand when in reality have no idea how to embody the meaning of consideration, mindfulness, thoughtfulness and accommodation when it comes to make efforts to show someone they matter whether it be verbally or physically.

I think you have no idea what it looks like to value someone.

I will never understand the point in causing harm just to cause harm. Even with the opportunity, even with the ammo it is beyond me to abuse the power to hurt someone I care about just because I am hurting in any state of emotion.

I will never understand why someone chooses to hurt someone when they could choose not to abuse the power that lies with the trust given.

I will never understand what someone could possibly gain other than feeling like they won, but what win is that even.

Not a win for a not narcissist.

I saw you more than anyone else has maybe not in the ways that you would say someone did but I saw the real you, I saw through you.

And I am thankful for putting a stop to it sooner rather than later.

I think you never had any business touching someone else's feelings, let alone fucking with them.

And that alone shows your capacity for empathy and the level of self awareness you're currently at with yourself.

I do not fault you for your trauma, your pain, or your past.

I fault you for the way you are allowing it to hurt others and the way you are reckless with other people's feelings without any regard for the consequences.

I fault you for the lack of responsibility in deflecting any accountability in letting the things you have neglected to heal to drain the cups of other people who only ever tried to fill yours.

I fault you for lacking the ability to care through it all.

I think you disguised your covert narcissism as altruism.

I don't think you wanted a relationship, I don't think you ever truly will.

I don't know what you wanted from me.