How to Warn Your Child About the “Ugly Duckling” Complex

The "ugly duckling" complex is shaping up at the age of 12–16, but it has its roots since early childhood, under the influence of the environment.

Someone may have had a very critical grandmother, who always showed her flaws in appearance under the pretext of telling the truth; someone else may have had overly demanding parents, who always compared him to his classmates. Another person may have had aggressive colleagues who mocked him.

Not all children are criticized, but many sincerely believe in their imperfections, face them and continue to play the role of "ugly duckling" even in adulthood.

One of the main reasons for the appearance of this complex is the comparison with other children. Teach the child not to compare himself with others, but with himself - to observe today's progress compared to yesterday's.

Most of the time children are ashamed of their appearance, so today we will refer, in particular, to the theory of body image. This theory explains how the exterior influences the appearance of the "ugly duckling" complex.

Do you remember the story? The duckling was suffering precisely because she was considered ugly.

Body image

Body image is more than a mental image of the way we look, it represents the personal relationship with our own body including perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, and actions related to our physical image. Body image is built inside, but based on information received from the social environment.

Therefore, it is considered that the socio-cultural environment - social networks, advertisements, movies, cultural norms, and various patterns of behavior - all influence self-perception. But we must not blame the socio-cultural environment for all. Society has always dictated the rules of beauty.

Body image has several elements:

• visual perception of one's own body;

• evaluation of one's physical appearance;

• what we think about how others perceive us;

• kinesthetic perception (how our body feels in the environment);

• the level of connection with one's own body.

Adolescents from their perceptions of themselves, attractiveness, and acceptance of their own body from childhood. The role of parents is fundamental in the protection and prophylaxis of a positive body image.

You need to emphasize the attractiveness and beauty of your child, helping him to take care of his appearance, wardrobe, outfit. Under no circumstances tell your child that they have ugly teeth, small eyes, big ears, deformed nails, inappropriate stature, a long nose, etc.

Psychologists distinguish 2 types of body image: positive and negative.

Positive body image - means that the person really accepts himself and likes the way he looks, right now. He knows his strengths and doesn't try to change his body to fit the way others think he should look.

Negative (distorted) body image - refers to the unrealistic perception of how a person sees his own body. Such a body image brings with it problems such as low self-esteem, feelings of inadequacy, personal devaluation, lack of femininity/masculinity, depression, interpersonal anxiety, eating disorders, etc.

A negative body image is dangerous and can make a child unhappy, affecting their quality of life.

What to do if the "ugly duckling" complex has already formed in the child?

If your child or you are concerned about your appearance, then try answering the following questions:

• Is my perception of myself distorted by the exposure of "perfection" in the media?

• Do I often find myself criticizing the way I look?

• What stops me from loving my body as it is?

• If I changed anything with myself, would I be happy? But what if it isn't?

• What would my life be like if I accepted myself as I am?

Analyze the causes of negative perception related to body image. Remember when such a perception of yourself arose. Discover the strengths and weaknesses of your body image and think about how to transform your relationship with your body into a state of acceptance and satisfaction.

3 tips that will help you resist negative outside influence and find harmony with yourself

Be more aware.

Comparison with others is automatic. But if you learn to control your thoughts, then the external pressure on your body image will diminish.

Remember that beauty model are short-lived.

Our self-image depends, to a large extent, on the standards imposed by society. However, acknowledge that they change often, and you remain unique.

Treat your body with love and respect.

Developing love and self-esteem is a long process that requires a lot of patience and energy. Praise yourself often and reward yourself with something pleasant.

If all else fails, contact a psychotherapist to help you increase your self-esteem to teach your child how to enjoy life. The sooner you help your child get rid of this complex, the sooner he will be happy.