How to Talk to People with Disabilities

What do you see in your mind's eye when you hear or see the word "disabled?" You probably picture someone in a wheelchair, someone with dark sunglasses and a cane, or someone who holds their hands in a way that comes off as odd to you, and makes noises that seem out of place.

Here's the thing. Not every disability is visible, and those that are don't always look the same. For example, there are invisible disabilities like Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, EDS, Epilepsy, Autism, and ADHD that make it impossible for people with them to do things that able bodied people can do, not to mention the countless mental health struggles which are absolutely valid disabilities. You can't always see these things. (Please keep in mind that I'm listing disabilities here, not diseases. Some of these are diseases, but Autism, for instance, is not a disease. It's a neurotype.)

So let's talk about conversations with people with disabilities. (Not about us though. Don't talk about us without including our voices. We're sick of it.)

• First of all, we're human. Talk to us like you would an able bodied person. Your tone shouldn't change when you find out we're disabled. Don't infantilize us. Just talk to us.
• Respect the way that we self identify. Much of the Disability Community prefers person first language, but there are exceptions, such as the Autism Community who prefer identity first language (autistic is not a bad word!), the Deaf Community who also prefers identity first language (D/deaf), and any individual person has a right to self identify how they want, regardless of the community's preferences. If I say I'm disabled, I want to be referred to as disabled. I'm Autistic, not a person with Autism. Someone else could have a different preference and I would respect that. We want able bodied people to do so as well.
• Continuing from the point above, Disabled isn't a bad word either. Please do NOT call us Individuals with Different Abilities, Differently Abled, Special Needs, etc. (Our needs aren't special. They're actually pretty basic. You just think that they're special because they're not your needs.)
• Furthermore, we don't always want to teach you/your children about our disabilities. If you're curious, you can ask us if it's ok to ask some questions. If we say no, respect our no. We have a right to consent just like you do. Sometimes we don't mind talking about our disabilities. Other times, it makes us feel like a zoo exhibit, or we're out of spoons, or we just don't feel like expending a lot of free emotional labor, especially to someone with previously made assumptions about us.
• Don't give us unsolicited advice. A change in diet, exercise, meditation, losing weight, praying harder, or using the best essential oil from your MLM business won't make us not disabled. And even if it did, we would take that advice from our MD. Thanks.
• Finally, don't take pity on us, tell us what an inspiration we are for existing, or tell us that we don't look disabled. None of these things are compliments, I promise. We don't want to be an inspiration for you because we went to the grocery store or graduated college. We just want to live.

To sum up, treat us like humans. Not infants, not objects of inspiration, humans. And don't EVER touch someone's mobility aids without consent.