How To Survi — Manage living With Your Ex

So, some of us have thought a person was “the one” or have made major commitments with someone before realizing you should not or could not be together. Hindsight is 20/20. But, moving out is not always that simple even if you’re emotionally ready to go, your bank account may be saying otherwise. Whatever the reason is for you to be staying, I have a few ways that can help you out.

Not everything works for everyone.

Note: Make sure you’ve apologized if you’ve done something wrong. Sincere apologies go a long way. If they’ve done something wrong, you can talk to them about it, but never expect it or feel like it is needed to heal because some people just will not own up to their actions.

1. Talk Things Out & Respect Each Other’s Boundaries

Getting both of you on the same page matters. Both of you need to know what is and isn’t allowed. Do you want to still be able to share stories about work with your ex, but they would prefer to be on that “hi” and “bye” level like new college roomate’s who have nothing in common are on? Well, then you can’t just overstep that boundary, and vice versa.

If you don’t want to cuddle anymore because it blurs too many lines, make that known and STICK WITH IT. Do your absolute best to stick with your own boundaries to not confuse anyone. It may be harder to get rid of those romantic or sexual feelings when you’re in close proximity, but that is why staying on the same page and listening to one another is even more important now. In order to move on even the slightest, you need to express what you’re moving on from. Don’t just do the things you’re used to doing.

More things To Discuss:

-who moves out & when + what can they take

-the emotional lala stuff because you want to know how you both feel & make sure if it’s done done both of you know that (even when one of you wants a “pause” instead)

-if anyone is allowed to bring over “special guests” or maybe guests at all. Maybe you two want to shut the party palace down till you split completely

-bills

*Minimize the surprises*

2. If there’s another room, take it/get a separate bed

Whether that be the couch or a guest bedroom, someone should (if they can) take it asap. Put some space between ya.

Someone can even get a blow up in the same room if there’s not enough space.

If you take the extra room, make sure you add your own touch to it. Make it your place. Feel good to be walking into your own space.

3. Find A Positive Hobby to Invest your Time Into

I have always been a solo person, but I realized that when we were dating it was more like “their show” and I was just there to along for the ride. I noticed how I rarely did my own thing even when they were at work and I was home. It was like I forgot how to exist by myself. Then, I got back into reading and making art and that really helped me out when we ultimately ended things. Making sure you’re a well rounded person for yourself is importanr. It also helps you not zero in on the breakup. Get busy!

Being able to spend time with yourself is important. And that time should be spent doing something you enjoy for yourself. And at this moment, you may need things that will make you feel good or at least lets your mind focus on something other than the break up that isn’t bad for you.

4. Uh…Feel sad

Yes. I know I just said to focus on something that’s like happy happy joy joy, but don’t completely ignore your sadness. It’s okay to cry at times or to not spend your day with a fake smile planted on your face. Some days will be like that. Some days you may doubt if you made the right choice, or feel bad because they broke up with you, or maybe you’ll just feel bad in general because things are different. That’s valid. Let yourself feel those feelings and do your best to not think about if they’re feeling what you are because this is your show now. You have to do what’s best f0r you. Respect their space and your own space by giving yourself the room to feel however you feel.

Just make sure you don’t forget you will feel better eventually, and you have to take steps to heal.

5. Save Up Your Money/get a job & Make a Plan

One of you will eventually want to be away from the other completely. Maybe it’ll hit you like a ton of bricks, and you want to be as prepared to go as possible.

Yeah, it’s rough out here. I’m fully aware that just saying “save up” isn’t how it goes. Try to get extra hours or find a side job.

Tip: finding a job that’s in a different location would help you be able to move. That way you’ll know you have a job waiting for you.

However your finances look, you have to make a plan and a goal. Decide when you can and want to move out by. Have that to look forward to and work towards it.

Just having that goal of moving away really helped me on tough days because I knew it’d come eventually. Having something to look forward to does wonders for the ole mental.

And that wraps up part 1.

Thanks!

You got this!