How To Spot Sexual Abuse in Children

As a survivor of sexual abuse and horrific trauma, I can attest that it is the worst pain a human being can endure. It feels like being tortured and in simple terms - it is.

As adults in 2025, we have the power to stop children being abused but many still choose to ignore the obvious. Our children are still suffering at the hands of abusers - even now. It can happen anywhere in the world. It can happen next door in your neighborhood.

We have to be open enough to see what's going on. Our future generation is at stake here but we can stop it, if we act now.

Child abuse or any type of abuse of another human being should be stopped. The fact that it's still happening is breaking my heart. I wish I had the power to stop every single one, but I can't. I need your help.

This article is about spotting those little tell-tale signals that immediately screams that something is not right. I can see abuse from just one look.

A child who is subjected to sexual abuse or any kind of abuse will act differently from their peers.

I know, because I was that child.

It doesn't matter how frequently abuse happens. A developing brain that has been exposed to trauma will have changed. That child will start to act differently.

The child will use coping mechanisms to survive the trauma any way they can. These coping mechanisms might be the body's response to what is happening or even a direct threat to carry out a certain behavior by an abuser.

The Frozen child

A deeply traumatized child might suddenly become frozen and withdrawn. or become mute and stare into space (catatonic). They may be sitting with their legs drawn up close to the body and rocking back and forth.

This child is in deep despair and feeling helpless. When a child is in this state, it is unable to communicate because the brain is protecting itself by doing a complete psychological shutdown.

I have been in this state many times and it is terrifying.

Any child suffering from abuse will build up a strong shell around him / her to survive. They may seem disinterested and rude on the outside, but instead they are deeply hurting inside.

The Control child

A child will display behavior such as an innate need of being in control of a situation. They will not trust anyone and be suspicious of new situations. They may seem particularly hypervigilant and may come across as not in control of their bodies; for example, they might display changing emotions in quick succession like anger followed by sadness followed by running away, almost like a traffic light changing colors. The same child may react very oddly to certain situations like laugh if someone is hurt or start crying profusely at a bumble bee that is lying dead in the grass. These are all coping mechanisms from trauma.

The Sudden Change in a Child

A professional looking after children will know them and know if a child suddenly changes behavior and that is a red flag that something is not right. If you suspect something, observe that child at play.

Watch how the child holds itself, how it walks and how it behaves around other children. Watch their language. What does it sound like? Would a normal 6-year-old use "those words" or can you hear something odd?

Notice how the child behaves at pick up and drop off times. What is it like with their caregivers? How does it behave after a long weekend or a vacation?

If anything appears "wrong" you must report it. Start a "behavior journal". This will build up a true picture of the child. Chances are nothing is going on, but would you be willing to take that risk if something happens?

Avoiding Physical Contact

A child might suddenly hate physical contact or being touched at all. They might even recoil if anyone touches them. A young child might feel so scared and threatened that it hides itself away for long periods.

The child could be sitting under a blanket, hide under a bed, table or behind a sofa or roll up into a ball in a corner sucking a thumb, regressing into baby behavior.

A young child might be overly attached to things like a blanket, pillow or a teddy. Having something soft and tactile could be a small relief for a traumatized child.

An older traumatized child may suddenly seek solitude from everyone and play in an odd way. An older child might want to be left alone, shutting everyone out - alone in their bedroom or in the playground.

The Sudden Artist / Creative child

A child might start creating stories and drawings of the abuse or making up characters who act like abusers. The child might use language that they have been exposed to that contains words a child should not know.

A child who is displaying this type of behavior does not have the language to explain what they are experiencing and will use a medium that they know to make sense of it.

The Child Pushing Physical Limits

A child might suddenly start to push itself excessively hard to the point of collapse and not realizing its body limitations. This is called desensitization.

A child might stay out in the cold and rain too long, not realizing frostbites forming. In summer weather that same child might get extremely dirty, and not care how they look because no one cares for them.

An older child may be starting to break the limits. What happens if?… Climbing really high trees, racing friends on their bikes, hitting things and hurting others.

Seeking Roughness in People

An older child may start hanging out with friends that are not appropriate and experiment with drugs and alcohol. They might start spending time with other families and staying out as long as possible. Avoiding going home to their abusers at any cost.

The Self-harming Child

A child is seen torturing themselves (self-harming) with sticks or tools (like knives), making their hands bleed, developing blisters and bruises on purpose.

This is a big desperate cry for help. This means the child is on the verge of giving up in a downward spiral of hate and shame for itself and not just the abuser.

The Child Actor

A child acting out the abuse itself anywhere is obviously a massive red flag for anyone but sometimes this could be more subtle and disguised in their normal play. Like abusing dolls, teddies or pets, even insects or anything that could be restrained and hurt.

Overall Body Indicators

An abused child may seem strangely jittery, tense and may even use rigid robotic movements and hyper alert of their surroundings. This would be particularly apparent during a change in routine.

Head Constant Aches and Stomach Pains

A child suddenly developing chronic headaches or feeling sick is another sign that all is not well. A child might feel threatened and become paranoid by keeping their eyes on a swivel. These children feel desperately unsafe in their normal environment.

Physical Changes

A child suffering sexual abuse may struggle to sit down if they are a girl. They may suffer from chronic vaginal pain when going to the bathroom. This child may avoid going to the bathroom and ignore their bodily signals and having wet accidents.

Testing Behavior

An abused child may often copy friends' rough behavior to see the reactions they get from adults. This child may never have been given boundaries and may have to learn what is good and bad behavior.

Another behavior is to become very angry and be rough with toys or animals or even their peers. These are called temper tantrums.

Rejecting Common Food Types

A child might suddenly start rejecting certain foods that remind them of sexual abuse like cream, custard, mayonnaise and yoghurts.

The People Pleaser

A child who is being abused gets very good at reading people around them and deflecting attention away from them. They may try to seek affirmation from adults that they are ok and "been good". This child is seeking approval of adults.

Fear and Terror

A child might suddenly get terrified of something, which remind them of their abuser/s. This might seem completely harmless to everyone else.

A child might start incessant crying or become hysterical over nothing or suddenly become upset at the sight of men with beards or someone with glasses.

All these comping mechanisms are called by the professionals as a "Fight / flight / fawn and freeze" state of being.

It is a survival state.

This is what happens when the brain's sympathetic nervous system becomes over-active, which makes the body go into a "fight / flight / fawn and freeze" state. The Amygdala part of the brain becomes hyperactive under the conditions of extreme stress like traumatic experiences. The memory gets "stuck in this part of the brain in vivid detail until it is triggered years later.

My name is Lizzy. I'm a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

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