How to Set Boundaries in Relationships with Narcissistic People

Lack of compassion and responsibility for actions that can influence other people gives narcissists the feeling that they have the right to use other people for their benefit.

That is why it is so important to set clear boundaries in your dealings with such people.

Here are 7 effective ways to do this:

1. Don't apologize, don't explain anything, and don't protect yourself

Narcissists use surveillance and intimidation to make others doubt themselves. This behavior gives them a sense of power and control.

The process of setting boundaries involves the use of a person's right to decide what he or she wants to share with others. But the less I know, especially the details of your personal life, the less they will be able to use against you.

You don't have to look for an excuse for your thoughts, feelings, or actions in front of an obsessive narcissist. If he criticizes you, you can say, "I heard your opinion and I will take it into account."

If these people doubt your actions, tell them, "I am confident in my choice." And if they need an explanation, tell them this: "This is personal" or "our opinions cannot coincide."

2. If the atmosphere becomes unhealthy - leave.

You don't need someone's consent to avoid a relationship that is destroying you. Only you can determine which atmosphere you think is healthy. So you can look at the clock and say, "Look at the clock - I'm late." And then he leaves. Where are you late? Does not matter. Every second of patience with someone else's control or violence prevents normal self-care.

Your phone will be an excellent assistant here. No one knows for sure if you just got a call. He says, "I'm sorry, I have to answer." And leaves. Or decide in advance how much time you are willing to spend communicating with the narcissist, then set the timer on your phone or watch. When the sound sounds, ask and say goodbye.

Another option is to respond directly to an unhealthy attitude by saying, "Okay, I'm leaving. We will discuss this next time you are ready for a constructive dialogue "or" This is not normal. I will not take part in this conversation. "

3. Decide what you are willing to do and what you are not.

The most important part of setting healthy boundaries is the ability to say no in time. Ask yourself what you are willing to endure from the other person and what you are not. For example, you can get along with a good girl, but not with sarcasm. Or it is normal to perceive a passionate expression of someone else's opinion, but not with defamation or intimidation.

One way to draw the line is to say, "If you keep insulting me, I'll stop talking to you." No bigger explanation. If the narcissist continues to be aggressive, leave or pick up the phone. Plus no interaction no matter what he says or does.

Seeing such boundaries, narcissists can resort to their favorite tricks: arguing, accusing, humiliating feelings, making a sacrifice, accusing you of being too sensitive, or simply getting angry. And although enduring all this is very unpleasant, your boundaries should not become the subject of discussion.

4. Learn to cleverly evade inappropriate questions and negative comments.

Experienced political media advisers move away from the complex questions of reporters, answering another question - one that would help them improve their image. Also, if the narcissist asks you the wrong question, try to change the subject gracefully.

If the narcissist, who constantly criticizes your expenses, career, and personal life, begins his usual interrogation, why do you walk the same rake again?

Tell him, "All this is tempering the character, isn't it?" "Or move on to a topic he likes to discuss. Ask her out well if she is no longer absorbed in the connection.

Even if in response, you will hear pure banalities, but then you make the narcissist focus on his favorite subject - on himself, not on you. Some of the ideas you hear may even be helpful. In addition, it will help justify the change of subject.

5. Grab the bull by the horns.

Narcissists want their attention and acceptance to overcome their feelings of deep and subconscious emptiness and their self-significance. That's why they constantly check how much they can get away with.

One way to check this is to ask directly what they are trying to do. For example, he says, "Are you trying to humiliate me or ruin my mood?" or "I see that as soon as I begin to speak, you interrupt me at once."

Pronounce such things in a dry and business tone. It doesn't matter what the answer is. Just make sure you point out exactly what's going on.

6. Do not underestimate the power of narcissism.

Remember that narcissists learn to humiliate and use other people all the time. Narcissism is a powerful psychological phenomenon based on a distorted view of oneself, others, and the world.

The tactics used by narcissists make most people nervous. If you have been raised by narcissists or have been in a relationship with one of them for a long time, then your behavior can also become unhealthy.

If you have not established healthy boundaries, have mercy on yourself. Decide what you want to do next time and move on. Setting boundaries is not a one-size-fits-all action.

7. Remember: tight limits must have consequences.

Part of the process of setting boundaries involves determining what you are ready to do in response to their violation.

The most effective are the consequences you have prepared in your head. When the border is violated, it immediately and decisively moves to "sanctions", without exception. Otherwise, you may lose credibility.

Eleanor Roosevelt once wrote, "Remember, no one can make you feel humiliated without your consent."