How To Make (Almost) Anyone Like You

We all want people to like us. We are wired for love: to see others and cherish them, and to be seen and cherished, ourselves.

Yet social anxiety has never been as high as it is today. We want others to like us, yet we're terrified of opening up.

The situation may seem impossible. Yet it's far easier than you think. You can begin with one simple guiding thought: why do you like being around the people you like being around?

The answers are universal: we like people who are happy to see us, who are interested in us, who listen to us, who help us, and who speak well of us to others. We like people who make us feel good in their presence.

If you want others to like you, do all these things for them. This is the golden rule — simple but incredibly powerful. From this simple rule, we can build a thorough list of ways to appeal to people.

To make (almost) anyone like you:

Smile. Show people that you’re happy to be with them.

Ask. Choose to be interested in other people. Ask them plenty of questions.

Listen. Focus on them when they speak and pay them genuine attention. We are starved for people who will truly listen to what we have to say. If you become a good listener to people, your presence will be as good as gold to them.

Remember. Strive to remember the things that matter to them, especially basic things like their name. Use their name often, as we all appreciate people knowing our name.

Help. If they ask for help with anything, give it swiftly and happily. If people sense you’re a burden to them, they won’t want to be around you. But if they can tell you are genuinely happy to help, they’ll love having you around.

Honor. Speak well of them in front of others. Highlight their successes with genuine praise.

Respect. As you get to know them, respect their uniqueness, especially where it differs from your own. Respect their boundaries, preferences, and quirks. They will notice.

Do all of this – then wait and see.

If it seems overwhelming, pick one action item to start with. Make a point to smile warmly at everyone you meet. After a few days, it will start to feel natural. It might even happen without thinking about it.

When that moment comes, move on to another action. Find a few good questions you can ask people. Make it a point to ask them of everyone you talk with.

As you try each new action, pay attention to the responses you get from people. Don’t be dissuaded if you don’t get a positive reaction from everyone. Nothing works on everyone. But most of these actions work on most people.

It’s about compassion, not control.

We cannot control other people. You can never force someone to like you.

But we can treat them as we’d like to be treated. We can always choose to love, honor, respect, and esteem others. Doing so lays the groundwork for a healthy relationship.

If the other person does not respond, leave them be. Let them make their own choices, even as you make yours. Meanwhile, keep treating everyone as you’d like to be treated.

Give yourself the freedom to be known for who you are.

Finally, notice that you do not have to change who you are to be liked.

None of the items above require you to lie or pretend to be someone you’re not. You can be your honest self and smile, ask, listen, remember, honor, and respect, all while being exactly who you are right now.