How to Let Go of Someone You Love and Have a Child With

How to Let Go of Someone You Love and Have a Child With

“I still loved him, even after the yelling stopped and the silence became louder. We shared ten years and a son who called us both ‘home.’ But I realized - love alone wasn't enough. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't safe. It wasn’t right anymore.”

Letting go of someone you love is hard enough. Letting go of someone you love and share a child with? It’s a different kind of heartbreak - one that doesn't end after a breakup.

There's still coordination, birthdays, school events, and constant emotional threads pulling you back. But it’s also an opportunity — for growth, for healthier boundaries, and for giving your child something far more valuable than a "perfect family": peace.

Whether you’re recovering from a toxic relationship, healing from betrayal, or simply drifting apart, this guide will walk you through the emotional, practical, and parental sides of letting go - from a place of experience and care.

1. Acknowledge the Truth: Love Isn’t Always Enough

One of the hardest pills to swallow is realizing that you can love someone deeply and still need to leave. Relationships are not sustained by love alone. They require emotional safety, shared values, communication, and growth.

“Letting go doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’ve outgrown pain,” says Dr. Rachel Green, a licensed marriage therapist with over 15 years of experience in high-conflict separation cases.

When children are involved, this realization becomes even more urgent. Staying for the child often delays inevitable emotional damage - not just to yourself, but to your child’s sense of safety and emotional modeling. Children learn from what they see. Choosing peace can be the first step in teaching resilience.

2. Detach Emotionally - Without Denying the Past

Letting go does not mean forgetting. It means reframing. You once built a life with this person. That history mattered. But your present reality and your child’s emotional well-being matter more.

Try the following emotional tools:

Journaling: Write letters you’ll never send. Express your pain, regrets, gratitude, and closure.

Therapy: Seek help from a licensed therapist experienced in family or breakup recovery. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) are helpful approaches.

Grieving Rituals: Mark the end of the relationship with a personal ritual — deleting old texts, changing routines, or even a symbolic walk. Give your grief a container.

You’re not erasing the past. You’re releasing the emotional grip it has on your future.

3. Co-Parenting, Not Co-Existing

You are no longer partners, but you are still co-parents. This shift is complex. It means managing logistics, emotions, and expectations — all while centering your child’s best interests.

What helps:

Create a parenting plan: Agree on communication boundaries, decision-making rules, and conflict resolution strategies. Put it in writing.

Use neutral language: Avoid personal attacks or emotional language in texts or emails. Tools like OurFamilyWizard can help with clear communication.

Don’t triangulate: Never use your child as a messenger or weapon. Children are not built for adult conflict.

“Children can survive divorce, but they don’t recover from prolonged emotional instability,” notes Dr. Angela Cordova, a child psychologist from the University of Washington.

Let go of needing to “win” or “prove a point.” Focus on raising emotionally secure, mentally healthy children.

4. Redefine the Relationship: From Intimate to Interpersonal

Your relationship has changed. You’re not lovers anymore. But you still have a shared mission: your child’s well-being.

Here’s how to navigate this shift:

Set new boundaries: No emotional late-night calls. No discussing personal dating lives. Keep interactions child-focused.

Use formal communication when needed: Especially in high-conflict cases, keep exchanges strictly logistical.

Stay civil in public or around the child: Even if you’re fuming internally, maintain emotional composure. Your child is watching.

Remember: this isn’t about repressing your emotions — it’s about redirecting them toward healing and function.

5. Take Care of the Child - But Also Yourself

You may feel like your child needs all of you right now. But you cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish - it’s survival.

Make space for:

Daily self-care: Even 15 minutes of meditation, movement, or reading can regulate your emotions.

Support systems: Lean on friends, family, or support groups. Online communities like r/SingleParents or local Facebook groups often provide shared empathy.

Professional help: Especially if you’re dealing with a manipulative or narcissistic ex, consult legal and mental health professionals early.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), parents who maintain emotional regulation and social support post-divorce are more likely to raise well-adjusted children.

6. Break the Fantasy of Reconciliation

This part is hard. Some part of you may still hope they’ll change. That they’ll realize what they lost. That you’ll find your way back. But if you’re holding on to hope over healing, you’re stuck in limbo.

Letting go means accepting:

They may never apologize.

They may move on before you do.

You may have to parent next to someone who hurt you.

You can still create closure - without their cooperation. Closure is an internal process, not a dialogue. Stop waiting for them to change the narrative. Write your own.

7. Let the Child Grieve - Without Guilt

Your child will also go through a grieving process. They may feel confused, angry, or withdrawn. This is normal. Don’t try to fix or erase their pain. Instead:

Validate their feelings: “I know this is hard. I’m here for you.”

Keep routines consistent: Stability helps children feel safe.

Avoid oversharing: Your child doesn’t need to know the adult reasons behind the breakup. They just need to know it’s not their fault.

Children are incredibly resilient when given space, love, and non-toxic parenting environments.

8. Forgiveness Is a Gift - For You

Forgiveness is not forgetting. It’s not condoning. It’s not even for them. It’s for you.

When you hold onto resentment, you remain tethered to the pain. Forgiveness is the release of that tether.

Start small:

Say to yourself: “I choose to release this pain, not because they deserve it, but because I do.”

Reflect on what this experience taught you about your values, boundaries, and needs.

Allow yourself to move forward — even while the co-parenting dynamic continues.

Letting go isn’t about closing a door and locking it. It’s about leaving it open — but walking away with peace in your heart.

9. Start Creating Your New Life

This is where the healing begins - not when they leave, but when you begin again.

Reconnect with passions you once shelved.

Reclaim your space: change the furniture, the curtains, your morning playlist.

Imagine a future where your child sees you not broken, but brave.

You are not just someone who had to let go — you’re someone who chose growth over comfort. Who chose peace over chaos. Who chose to love yourself and your child enough to say: “This isn’t good enough anymore.”

Healing is messy. Co-parenting is complicated. But your story isn’t over because your relationship ended. In many ways, this is the beginning — not just of a new chapter, but of the most courageous version of you.

Sources & References:

American Psychological Association. (2020). Parenting After Divorce.

Green, R. (2022). Emotional Boundaries in High-Conflict Co-Parenting.

Cordova, A. (2023). Child Development and Divorce Recovery.

Psychology Today. “Letting Go of Toxic Relationships.”

OurFamilyWizard App.

Read latest tech news article on trendingalone