how to impress a aunty

I first met Mrs. Rao one humid evening in my Delhi neighbourhood. She was standing by her gate, watering her hibiscus, humming softly.

I had stopped to ask about planting hibiscus in summer when she surprised me: “You’ve got clean shoes. Someone who takes care of details takes care of people.”

In that split second—a casual compliment, grounded in observation—I understood exactly why I wanted to impress her and what I needed to do.

This article is meant to help you earn that same kind of genuine respect and warmth from an elder woman through simple, respectful behavior with purpose.

Dress & Behavior

Indian context: In many Indian homes, modesty and attention to neatness signal respect. Wear clean, wrinkle-free clothes—think smart-casual kurta and trousers—nothing too loud.

In a professional setting or meeting her formally, a collared shirt (preferably light solid colours) and pressed trousers work. Avoid cargo pants or overly casual streetwear, even if comfortable

Hippie In Heels

When invited inside, remove your shoes or offer politely to—this signals cultural awareness and respect. Mrs. Rao’s neighbour, who wore sandals into her living room, upset her subtly: she mentioned discomfort with unclean footwear indoors.

Western setting: A well-fitting shirt or polo and chinos goes a long way. Clean shoes, subtle cologne, and neat grooming matter more than fashion trends. Stand naturally—shoulders relaxed, hands calm—and avoid overly strong body language.

Body language: Maintain good posture. Slightly lean forward while listening. Keep moderate eye contact—not stares, but genuine gaze that conveys attention. Nod naturally. When speaking, control tone: steady, calm, respectful volume. If she speaks of family or memories, soften your voice and show empathy.

Respectful Communication

What to say—and when to listen.

Listen first. Ask gentle questions: “How did you learn to care for those hibiscus plants?” Or, “What’s your favourite thing about this neighbourhood?” Elder women, especially Indian elders, often respond warmly to being asked advice or stories.

Example quote

“My grandson once spent twenty minutes pulling weeds in my garden before I even had to ask—then he asked how to plant new ones. That’s someone who understands detail and care,” says Mrs. Kapoor, a retired school principal in Gurugram.

This illustrates the power of respectful curiosity and humility.

Expert tip: Maggie Oldham, a modern etiquette coach based in Indiana, says young men often over‑explain or speak too much in an effort to impress. She advises: “Let others feel heard. You don’t need to fill silence. Your respect shows in listening more than speaking”

Maggie Oldham, Modern Etiquette Coach

When speaking: avoid judgment, gossip, or unsolicited advice. Keep your tone friendly and respectful. Show gratitude when she shares something: “Thanks, Ma’am—that’s helpful.” “I appreciate you telling me.”

Don’t say: “That’s dumb.” “You should…” “Let me help—because I know better.” Those undermine trust.

Dos & Don’ts

Do Don’t

Compliment small details (“Your jasmine smells lovely”) Use cheesy pickup lines or flattery

Offer help when asked, not before Interrupt or talk down to her

Dress neatly, speak calmly Dress too casually or slang-heavy

Show cultural awareness (e.g. remove shoes in Indian homes) Ignore traditions (like greeting first)

Ask thoughtful questions, listen fully Dominate conversation or gossip

Cultural nuance: In India, removing your slippers before entering home is expected. Eating with your right hand when invited to share food also signals respect. Roti or curry? Use fingertips carefully and clean hands afterward

In Western homes, wait to be offered food; if offered a drink, accept modestly and thank them. Offer a small gesture back: a nice biscuit, a sincere compliment about their home, or just your attention.

Local Real Expert Quotes

Etiquette coach in Mumbai:

“When young men learn simple skills—how to greet, to serve water properly, to remove shoes indoors—they stand out instantly. It's not about grandeur; it's about observing the norms with sincerity,” says Priya Daswani of Persona Power

American expert voice (Maggie Oldham):

“In modern society, young adults often lack basic manners such as arriving on time or offering to refill someone’s cup. These small gestures create impressions that last.”

Maggie Oldham, Modern Etiquette Coach

Raj, a neighbour in Noida, recalls:

“Last Diwali, I helped carry Mrs. Sharma’s diyas to her door. She later told me she appreciated the thought—I hadn’t asked her to do anything, but just saw and acted.”

These illustrate that action rooted in observation, not showmanship, builds real respect.

Integrating Indian & Western Norms with Personal Story

Let me rewind: after that first compliment about clean shoes, I applied it. I began stopping by to water her plants when dry, and offered to bring spring blooms. After a week, her granddaughter commented, “You’re a good kid; always polite.” That small acknowledgment felt earned.

Why it worked:

I noticed small details.

I acted naturally—not for praise.

My behaviour aligned with Indian values of modesty and grooming.

My presence was consistent without expectation of reward.

In Western contexts, similar behaviour—like helping Mrs. Johnson pick her mail, complimenting her garden—signals the same proactive kindness. The key is sincerity and consistency.

Actionable Takeaway

Treat impressing an aunty not as performance, but as respectful presence. Notice details. Act with observe‑and‑help behaviour. Speak less, listen more. Dress cleanly.

Honour small norms—like shoe removal, using right hand, greeting first. These gestures build trust in both Indian and Western cultures. At the end of your time together, let your actions be what’s remembered, not words.