How to Behave After an Argument

What are the steps to follow and avoid to bring peace back home?

Nobody likes the tense atmosphere, but each quarrel has its nuances: who was the initiator, what are the characteristics of each party, what sex are the people involved in the quarrel. It's not about sexism, the truth is that men and women often get along differently.

For example, after an argument, the man can leave the woman alone to calm down. But this is all that can be worse for a woman - in such a situation she feels abandoned, and in her mind, I think that the relationship is not important for the man.

That's why in most cases women should not be left alone after an argument - this is just one of the recommendations.

But at the same time, women make the same mistake - they tend to put the dots on the "i" here and now when most often the man needs to be given a little time to calm down. Yes, men need a little solitude to calm down - only then will they be able to talk calmly and constructively.

It is about this behavior of the woman that men say "she teases me all the time", they do not like to be teased, provoked to clarify the situation at the most inappropriate moment. In such situations, they can say anything just to be left alone.

Of course, they'll be sorry later. The most advanced in terms of relationships ask for forgiveness. But women are inclined to believe what is said in the quarrel and do not want to hear further justifications. So, several rules will help you overcome an argument.

Don't rush events

We all need time to think about things and accept them. Therefore, if you are ready to reconcile and even admit your guilt, but in reply, you hear "excuse me, I am not ready to reconcile now", do not panic.

Arm yourself patiently, remember that you also need time sometimes, and understandingly withdraw. It is equally important not to rush events when the atmosphere is overheated, then everyone without exception needs a time out to calm down so that later the dialogue can continue constructively.

Convince yourself that the apology is sincere

If you've decided to apologize, first convince yourself that you feel guilty. Because the phrase "I'm sorry, but" is not about forgiveness, it's about manipulation.

Initially, there is a mitigation of the conflict and a demonstration of goodwill, the man weakens his internal barrier, because he hears that he is being asked for forgiveness… so that the real cause of the mini-show - the accusation - suddenly comes to light.

Apologize

If you are truly guilty, ask for forgiveness. It is not always necessary to remember all the stages of the conflict step by step and to explain your reaction to each of them - it is a dangerous path, this risks ending in a new quarrel.

But you need to make it clear to your partner that it bothers you that it has affected you, and it is important to you how your relationship evolves. Take responsibility for the fact that the person opposite tried the whole range of unpleasant emotions because of you. Try to gently hug the man if he will allow you. Or touch his hand. Make physical contact.

Mirror the messages-I

It is known that during quarrels it is recommended to talk about your feelings and desires without accusing the other. For example, you should say, "I'm irritated because you're late. I wish I wasn't made to wait. " Sentences like this are called self-messages.

But you could also mirror your partner's self-messages. For example: "I understand that you are irritated because I was late. I understand you wouldn't want to wait for me. "

Such expressions alleviate the conflict and calm the person. He is aware that he has been heard and seems to have been understood. He no longer has to shout his pain, at this moment the constructive dialogue could begin.

Make peace, live

Never discuss serious topics on the phone or all kinds of applications, if you have a small chance of seeing and talking live!

Distance negotiations could be the beginning of the end. Many make the first declaration of love on chat, write important things, some dare to ask their girlfriends to marry - it's wrong.

First of all, you are deprived of the extraordinary emotions that you could experience live. Secondly, you risk misunderstanding your interlocutor, because in the chat we don't see the eyes, the facial expressions, the gestures, we don't hear the tone, the accents, the intonation… That's why we still reconcile live.

Do not postpone reconciliation. Don't get upset over time so that "someone is aware of certain things." Before going to bed, you need to reconcile and embrace - then the quarrel will be shattered and not transferred to the next day, because tomorrow you could turn the page and start a new life.

Peace to you!