How the Child Is Affected by the Death of a Parent

It is sad to talk about how the child is affected by the death of a parent, but those in this tragic situation need support and information on how to handle the situation.

No matter how much you suffer, no matter how much you want to retire to a dark corner alone, you must be aware that the child also suffers (even if sometimes he does not show it) and that he needs more than ever affection and security. Losing your spouse is tragic, but remember that the little one has lost his / her father/mother and needs help.

How the child is affected by the death of a parent.

The age of the child. Depending on his age, the child will understand the situation differently and will react differently. But at almost any age - even under the age of one, he will acutely miss his parents and the sadness of those around him. In three to four years, the child will only understand that the loved one has left and will ask when he or she will return - which can make you very sad.

After this age, between four and six years old, the child may feel abandoned, even guilty of leaving his parent. He still can't understand the idea of ​​death and that's why he will always bother you with the question: "why" - "why he had to leave"… You can only explain to him again and again that sometimes this happens it is normal that it is not his fault and that you will not leave him.

After the age of six or seven, the child understands what death means and will face feelings of anxiety, fear of death, sadness, and even depression. It is important to stay with him, to talk to him, to follow his manifestations, and to ask for specialized help if you notice morbid behaviors and ideas. When he's a teenager, you probably won't feel very helpful in helping him - most likely, he'll retire and go out with friends.

Leave him alone, it is his solution to get over it; but the day will come when he will want to talk to you and you must be prepared to give him any answers he would ask.

The phases of sadness. As mentioned, the way the child is affected by the death of a parent depends on his age, but even very young children feel your sadness, those around you, and the lack of your loved one. Children who can express themselves and who understand the idea of ​​death will go through at least two of these three stages of accepting the situation: isolation, refusal to talk and interact; questions about what happened, why, where the parent is; deep sadness, crying cries.

When they are young, the most common and long-lasting phase is that of questions - so you need to be prepared to answer them and think of a way to explain death to them, a way to understand that the parent is not. he can come back (think of a story). If your family is religious, faith can help the child (and you) - you can explain to him that his father is with his body in the grave, with his soul in heaven, but that he cannot go back.

Older children, however, will more than likely go through the phase of isolation, refusal of interaction and sadness, crying crises. You can only help him by being with him and being honest - show that you are suffering, do not try to pretend to protect him. It is more natural and healthy to see that you are sad, that you are crying, but stay close to him.

How the child is affected by the death of a parent - there are some common manifestations faced by children whose parents have died; negative but temporary manifestations - as long as you stay close to him and help him accept the situation and resume his daily activities.

These are: feelings of sadness, depression, which causes a very specific pain, sleep problems (either dream about the missing person, or nightmares or fear of falling asleep and dying in sleep), nervousness, lack of appetite (usually the first sign of depression), guilt, fear of being left alone, regression - will have difficulty learning, memorizing, concentrating, performing activities that were not previously problematic.

Accept these manifestations, they are usually temporary but watch carefully the child and if you see signs of advanced depression after a long time since the death of the parent (refusal and lack of interest in previously pleasant activities, refusal to interact with people of the same age, morbid ideas), go to a counselor with him - he can help you both.

There are several ways in which a child is affected by the death of a parent, more important is how you go through this suffering and how you can help him:

Close - no one can understand the enormous pain you feel and it is only normal to want to isolate yourself and live your suffering alone. But don't forget the little one and his pain. Take a few days alone, but not too much, because the child will feel completely abandoned. So, after a few days, stay with him, talk to him and share his suffering.

The idea of ​​death. Young children don't understand what death means, but you have to look for a story, something that will make them realize that the departed parent is not coming back and that he has no connection or guilt. Religion can help. If it is difficult for you to talk about death, ask your grandparents or another relative with whom the little one gets along to explain.

Expression. The child may not react immediately and may simply refuse to speak. It is a sign that he is suffering - that's why you talk to him, encourage him to talk, to show up, to draw - anything that could help him get rid of the emotions inside. The more closed he is, the more he suffers and can become depressed.

Memories. Do not think that it is easier for you or him to pretend that the loved one is just gone or that he was not with you either! Talk about the parent with the little one, look at the pictures, create a memory - especially the younger the child. It is important for the child to always have in mind the memory of the missing parent, to know who he was, what he looks like, to be able to talk about him.

Relationship. This tragedy will bring you closer, and you are the only support, a stable element left in the child's life. He may be afraid to make connections for fear of being abandoned again. To assure him that you will always be there and try to spend as much time with him as possible. Try to look at him, though, as a child, not as an adult, no matter how mature you feel. A tragedy like this forces him to grow faster, but ensures a childhood, encourages him to play, make friends, enjoy activities.

Routine. As soon as you feel able, you resume the daily routine for the child, as if things are normal. This will give you some security, a sense of stability. In addition, although it may seem grotesque to hear the laughter now, encourage him to play with other children - ask some friends who have children of his age to come to you (or vice versa) so that the little one has company and be stimulated to enjoy his life.