How About Attracting Someone Other Than Your Partner?

What do you do if, even though you have a relationship that works very well, at some point someone else attracts you - either physically and sexually, or intellectually and emotionally?!

You have been with your partner for many years, you get along well, you are happy together, you have a harmonious relationship and yet, you can't take your thoughts from someone else? Don't panic - after a period of a stable relationship, it's normal to look elsewhere, as long as you just look!

How do you go about attracting someone else? Maybe you have a new colleague at college/work, maybe a new person has joined your group of friends and you instantly felt attracted to that person… Does it matter what kind of attraction you feel: physical and sexual or more rather intellectual and emotional? Because it shows what your needs as a couple are not fully satisfied!

If it is a physical and purely sexual attraction, you should not be scared just because someone else attracts you! Yeah Al that sounds pretty crap to me, Looks like maybe you weren't interested in looking around at the beginning of your relationship and you didn't think you could meet someone more attractive to you than your partner.

But things change and no matter how much your partner still attracts you, it is logical that, after a while, to look around you and attract people who look good (just don't tell him/her that too)! When you stay with someone for a long time - in a year - there is a process called oversaturation of sexual stimuli: you are only with that person, you only see her naked, you do the same things in the bedroom - and after a while, logically you feel the need for a little diversity!

Do you have to ask yourself how much does someone else attracts you? Do you feel some thrills only when he/she is next to you or do you think about him / her many times during the day?

Do you have fantasies about him/her with open eyes? So far, nothing very serious: both women and men are impressed by an attractive physical appearance and feel the need for a little diversity, at least in fantasies! There are not many people who have sexual fantasies exclusively with their partner and this is normal and healthy - you let your brain "breathe" and unleash!

When does a problem arise when someone else attracts you physically and sexually? When you start comparing your partner to that person when you start thinking, "How good it would be if he looked like X"! And especially when during sex parties, you imagine that you are with the other person! It's one thing to have some innocent fantasies, but it's quite another to imagine, to want to have sex with someone else instead of your partner.

This can be a sign that your sex life is no longer satisfying and that you feel the need for diversity not only in your imagination but as practical as possible. What can you do? Try to look at your partner with different eyes - as you looked at him at the beginning of the relationship and remember how many things attracted you to him/her!

Moreover, the need for diversity does not mean that you are ready, you have to be wrong - you can change something in your sex life, to bring more passion into your lives! Don't limit yourself to the usual sex game: the more time passes, the more everyone gets tired of the same scenario, the same room, the same bed, the same positions… don't change your partner, but the scenario!

But maybe someone else attracts you intellectually and emotionally! Maybe you have met an interesting person with whom you have a lot in common, with whom you have so much to talk about… Who you feel is listening to you… Who seems genuinely interested in what you say… Who appreciates you… Who gives you his full attention … With whom you can have a real conversation and not a monologue. Who knows and understands your concerns and work.

When does someone else attract you like that? Simple: when your relationship partner is working in a different field, totally different from yours and you don't have much in common, you can't talk about your jobs and it's very normal to feel attracted to someone who shares your interests.

Do you work in IT while your partner is a philosophy teacher? Logically, he/she does not understand a bit of the advantage of the I-don't-know-who software, and neither do you understand the critique of Kant's pure reason! And so, you find yourself in a situation where you can't talk about what you're doing all day long - and the more important your career is to you, the more it can bother you that you can't talk to your partner!

And logically, when someone with the same occupation appears and seems interested in your opinions, they appreciate your work, you are attracted to that other person!

But maybe someone else is attracted to you for other reasons, namely the fact that as a couple, you both got used to not communicating: you said everything you had to say in the first year of the relationship, now sit and watch TV!

After a while, the partners no longer feel the need, the need to communicate verbally: they understand each other very well from the looks, from the gestures and they feel extremely comfortable standing next to each other without saying anything. This is called intimacy, but not talking at all because your partner is not interested in what you are saying and you are not interested in what he or she is saying is not the same thing as intimacy!

This situation is not healthy: you should always try to communicate with your partner, to talk. Even if you work in other fields, remember that in the beginning, you had enough other topics of conversation, so why not have them now? The problem is that you are used to the situation, you are too lazy to "bother" to start a conversation and you are content to sit next to each other watching a movie.

But talking about anything is good for the relationship, so if you feel attracted to the TV or computer at home, go out at least once a week. Just the two of you, at a table in a quiet place, drinking a bottle of wine: you want it, you don't want it, you'll have to talk!

When is it a problem that someone else attracts you intellectually and emotionally? When you start thinking about that person often when you start talking about him/her when you start to appreciate him/her more than your partner! And especially when you make the comparison: "how good I feel with X, it's not the same with my boyfriend/girlfriend" and when you want to spend a lot of time with that person.

Even if you have an intellectual affinity with someone and you get along very well, it is not a good sign if you think that you would rather stay with that person than with your partner! This shows that your need for communication and appreciation from your partner is more important than you think. What can you do?

The solution is not to satisfy your need for communication outside of the couple, but to talk to your partner and start conversations - if you go out somewhere, you will see that it is not so difficult to find topics for discussion and you can even have fun! If you try to fulfill your need to communicate outside of the relationship, it shows either that you do not want to try, or that you simply find it impossible to get along with your partner as well as you get along with that other person.

But (almost) nothing is impossible in a relationship if you want it! Remember: if in a couple the communication is blocked, it is never just the fault of one of the partners! So: talk!