Hide Your Phone: Why Full Presence Is the Best Gift You Can Give

"When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love someone if you are not there? "- Tit Nath Khan.

Worse than not listening to a person, there can be only one thing - pretending to listen to him. From time to time, you nod or say "yes," as if to say, "Yes, yes, I hear, move on," although, in reality, your thoughts are somewhere far away.

I remember a dinner with friends I came to about four years ago. I just got back from a year-long wilderness trip to New Zealand. Going in my car to a friend's house, I imagined in advance how that evening would go… Smiles, hugs, jokes, there will be many life stories.

Did all this happen? To some extent, yes, but not at all as I imagined.

To be honest, I didn't feel at ease, as if something had gone wrong throughout the meeting. At first, I couldn't understand what the problem was.

My friends were all the same open and cheerful people.

So what has changed, though? And then I became enlightened.

Mobile Phones. Everywhere. Always.

The whole evening, which promised to be truly wonderful, was poisoned by endless selfies, videos, status updates, calls, and notifications made and received.

There were times when the room was so quiet that it seemed like you could hear the dust falling on the floor - while the four of us stared at the cell phone screens, and our fingers were as if they were glued to these infernal devices.

What's funny is that at that moment I was telling people on Facebook and Instagram how wonderful we spend our time.

But if we stop and think for a moment… what message do we send to our interlocutors when we sink into our phones in their presence?

That night I promised to change. That I will give my full presence to my friends and family and, in general, to all those with whom I communicate.

I didn't want any of those I was communicating with to experience the same feelings as me that night - the feeling that I couldn't hear myself and that I wasn't completely important to them.

Technology, of course, is a high barrier to our full presence everywhere, but I am not at all the main culprit in this negative phenomenon.

The main culprit for what is happening lives in us. That is our reason.

Our reasoning often behaves like a talking alarm clock, in the sense that we have no control over when it will work and what it will tell us.

For example, you can sit face to face with someone, but our consciousness may be half a world away from him.

Instead of listening to what this person tells us, we listen to our thoughts.

Hundreds of thousands of other thoughts. Anything. In our minds, at any moment, any thought that immediately distracts us from the person in front of us can appear.

Fortunately (for us), people are far from always able to determine when our attention is focused on anything but theirs, especially if we can pretend to listen to them. right "," Yes, really? " and "Well, you have to!"

The moments when we are complete with someone and this person responds to us in the same way, are truly magical and unique. It seems to us that we have stayed together and the rest of the world has become just unconscious and insignificant background. You feel an incredibly beautiful dance of communication, resonance, synchrony, unity.

This is the meaning of full presence (at least for me).

How is it done? Here are some of my favorite ways:

He looks people in the eye

No wonder the eyes are called the mirror of our soul. When you look people in the eye during a conversation, they feel that they can hear.

Listen to understand, not to answer

If you listen only to plan the answer, you will never understand the person you are interacting with. But when you try to "give" the words of the people you communicate with and understand why they say exactly what they say, it helps a lot to establish closer contact with friends and acquaintances.

Don't get distracted by useless things

Deviate from the fruits of modern technology. Let the world wait.

Remember the good old days when you could only call from a landline. Now we are always available by mobile phone, Facebook, Messenger, Instagram, Snapchat, e-mail… and so on.

Be here and now. Give up the stupid habit of checking your phone every 5 minutes.

Don't forget the facial expression

When I listen to someone, I realize that I show much more empathy than usual. Of course, the expression on my face reflects this, showing the other person that I understand his feelings. We all want to be understood, it's beautiful.

And part of me is saddened that I know - all over the world, at the same time, many families will be sitting at the table together - but, in reality, each one separately. And their attention will be focused on everything, but not on each other.

They will be distracted by their thoughts and mobile phones.

But it doesn't have to be that way. Instead of listing your social media profiles on your mobile phone, you can play board games and talk to each other on a variety of topics - while still being close to your family and friends.

Moreover, we don't have to wait for the holidays to be with someone, to give them all the attention, because any moment of communication allows you to do it. But for me, the best and best opportunity to strengthen the bonds between people was and is and remains the holidays.

Be surrounded by those we love the most and be with them not only physically, but also emotionally and spiritually… Believe me, this will be the most valuable gift of all you can give or receive from him. This year, be true with those you love.