Getting Cheated On

Heartbreak is hard. I think everyone can agree on that.

There are many different forms of heartbreaks: heartbreaks from relationships, heartbreaks from friendships, heartbreaks from family, etc...

However, I think that getting cheated on is one of the worst kinds of heartbreak.

Breaking up after being in a relationship is already hard, but getting cheated on takes it to a whole new level.

When you get cheated on, it makes you think that you aren't good enough and that you are worthless. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about love. It makes you question yourself too.

It first begins with suspicions.

Your significant other does something that seems a little fishy. First, you think nothing of it. Then it happens again. Then there's this little voice in the back of your head, telling you that something's not right. Something's going on. However, you push those feelings of suspicion away. You think it's just you over-thinking. No one wants to think about the worst, so you just ignore that voice.

But the voice doesn't go away. It stays there, whispering to you. Then something else happens again. This continues until the voice is almost screaming at you. You become almost certain that your suspicions are right. You might even bring it to your significant other's attention because you're that confident that it's the truth. However, they dismiss it. They tell you that you're crazy-- that you over-think things too much. They make you feel guilty for not trusting them. You believe them.

Then it happens. Your suspicions become a reality.

Every word that voice has told you suddenly isn't nonsense. It isn't you over-thinking. It's the truth. Your significant other might try to deny it. They'll say that it's all some misunderstanding-- that there's more to the story than you know. But this time, you're not falling for it.

You're hurt. Broken. Everything feels hopeless. Your world is crashing down. You begin to ask yourself if there was something you could've done to save the relationship-- to stop them from cheating. Then more questions form. So many more questions.

"What do they have that I don't?"

Or more importantly,

"Why wasn't I good enough?"

You convince yourself that this other person is better than you. You convince yourself that your partner is better off with the other person, that they'll be happier without you. You believe that it was your fault.

Maybe if I was more exciting, they wouldn't have gotten bored with me.

Maybe if I showed them more attention, they wouldn't have looked for it somewhere else.

Maybe if I was better looking or more social, they would've appreciated me more.

Even after everything that they put you through, you still want them. You secretly hope that they'll come back, that they'll realize what a mistake they made. You're so damaged, and you're convinced that they're the only person who can pick you back up.

The only thing you can bring yourself to do is cry. You cry for hours. Those hours turn to days. How will you go on without them? You've grown so attached to them that you don't know how to be yourself without them. You feel like you're missing something; you feel like your life has a hole that can only be filled by that person that hurt you. After the countless nights of crying, you cry so much that there's nothing left.

Nothing but anger.

You build these walls of hatred for that person who hurt you. The only thing going through your mind is revenge. Suddenly, you see everything that's wrong with them, everything that everyone else saw but you. You begin to see their true colors. Then everything begins to make sense.

You've built these walls of anger so far up high that you've convinced yourself that you're okay, that you don't need them. You believe that you're okay-- until it happens.

You see them again.

You could have just came across them on the street, or it could've been a picture that someone showed you. That person that claimed only you can make them their happiest looks happier than ever. That smile that you've grown to hate is bigger than ever. Their eyes that you used to get lost in are glowing with delight because of the other person in front of them. It's only then that you realize you're not okay. That image stays burned into back of your mind. You remember every little detail. All of the memories rush back. All of the pain that you buried deep inside crawls back up. Those walls of anger tumble down and turn to dust.

The anger once again turns into sadness. You feel hopeless, like you're never going to get better. Giving up seems to be the only option. You ask yourself if life is really worth it. You've already lost yourself. You lost yourself so long ago that you don't know where to look to find yourself again. You realize how damaged you are. Is it really worth fixing yourself again? What if you get hurt again? What if the next person has the same intentions to hurt you as the last? Is it really worth going through all of that pain again? All of these questions cloud your mind.

Then something happens. Something inside of you clicks. You realize that you are worth so much more than how that person saw you. You realize that that person who hurt you lost an opportunity on someone great, someone who was going to be there for them whenever they needed someone. Someone who was going to love them and care for them better than anyone ever could.

You begin to pick yourself up again. You begin to realize how strong you are.

The thing is, you don't realize how strong you truly are until being strong is all that you can be. You don't realize how much you can truly handle until you're by yourself and the only person that's there to pick you up is you. You realize that the only person who's truly going to have you is you. No one is going to have your back the way that you do. No one is going to care as much about you as you will. No one is going to realize how great you are like you will. The moment you realize how much worth you have is the moment that you win.

You never really forget about the person that hurt you. However, you benefit from them. You learn how strong you are. You learn how much dirt you can truly take. You realize that you'll never give the person who hurt you the satisfaction of winning.

The best revenge you can do is picking yourself up and showing that you won't let someone bring you down.

If someone is trying to bring you down, that means that they're below you. You always have to stay on top.

You have to do it for yourself because you deserve it.