Full Circle

Gazing up at the century old farmhouse, a wave of peace and grief swept over Raven. It had been a tumultuous year. A year ago, she would never have thought that she would be digging into the earth to grow her own food yet here she was with humus under her nails; cuticles that never seemed to get cleaned; and a happiness that was growing more every day.

THUNK, Raven’s trowel hit something, something hard, something that was not a rock, but not soil.

“What is that?” she thought

As she unearthed it, Raven’s imagination ran wild. This area had been home to ancient peoples. Her mind drifted to old stories she had heard about nomadic Indians that passed through, there are casinos just north on the Indian Reservation areas, so thoughts of arrow heads or ceramic pots floated through her mind as she dug. She also thought of the fact that the town was almost 175 years old, so who knows who else could have been on this very spot. The more she daydreamed, the more purposeful she dug. Finally, Raven’s efforts were rewarded with what appeared to be a small cedar hope chest. Luckily, the lock was rusted through, so she opened it easily and quickly.

Sadly, Raven looked in the chest, her hopes of it being filled with gold coins dashed, all that was in it was a black notebook.

“All that work for a little black book! I wasted almost an hour. Ugh why do I let myself get caught up in my brain!”

Raven put the box and book aside to finish hoeing the rows and planting her seeds. It was really a great day for these activities. Of course, she continued to berate herself, it was a habit handed down to her from her mother, traditions are hard to break.

Dusk came, the work was done, Raven took the box and book into the house. Her children were with her ex-husband for the week, not her favorite thing, but “it is what it is” she tells herself.

“I really got screwed” she says aloud to herself in the kitchen as she poured herself some wine.

She really did. HE cheated, not her. HE hid their money. HE stole HER inherited money.

“No, I’m not going to think about that. Life is so much better without him in it, I’d rather be poor anyway.”

Raven took her glass, lit some candles in the bathroom to take a relaxing bath in the antique clawfoot bathtub. There were perks to an old house, and this was one of them. This seemed like the perfect time to see just what was written in that black notebook she found earlier,

“Probably ledgers and balances with my luck” thought Raven cynically.

The book was in fairly good shape considering the fact it had been buried for so long. Raven opened the yellowed, fragile papers and began reading.

December 25, How dare that man cheat on me, ME. I have put up with him for 10 years, given him 2 beautiful children, and not ONCE complained that we are still living off MY money, MY inheritance. When will he get his OWN money? If it weren’t for me he would not be where he is now. He is lazy, as soon as we got married, he stopped working and started expecting me and my family to do all the work while he went to town and did as he pleased. I made excuses for him because I thought I was in love, but now I see all I was doing was setting myself up for this horrid situation. I wish my papa were still alive. I will not let this no good, rotten man know what I know, not yet.

Raven was stunned, this story sounded so familiar – she found out on Christmas Eve that her husband was cheating on her and had been the whole time they were married. He also lived off her inheritance and all the money she had saved up since she graduated from college. Raven poured herself another glass, she knew she would be up all night reading this book and needed liquid libations. Carrying the bottle, the glass, and the book, she climbed into the bed and kept reading.

The black book read more like a movie than it did a journal. Raven could not find the woman’s name, because most people do not refer to themselves in first person, but that just made it more mysterious, so she started calling her “Lady Bird.” After the first entry, Lady Bird started going on what many would call a rampage, but it would start subtle – it was everything Raven had wanted to do to her ex but had not the strength to do.

At first, it was just little things, like dropping hints of oh I heard you and Ms Smith were extra friendly the other day. Then it went to going places for long periods of time and then coming back early only to find certain other women at the house just to see what his excuse would be. That stopped Raven in her tracks because she had walked in on her ex with a woman in bed together, he had the audacity to not only deny that they were together, but to then blame her for his cheating. She downed her glass, and poured more – what else was going to happen to her soulmate Lady Bird? Was her husband going to steal money and hide it too? Was he going to steal the kids from her? Raven would not find out because that last glass was a little too much and she passed out.

The next morning, there was a banging on the door almost as loud as the banging in her head.

“Good God, what is that?” she thought. “COMING.” It sounded louder in her head and the banging continued. “WHAT” she said annoyed as she opened the door.

It was the police, with her children. In a split second she was completely sober and was trying to assess the situation. Thoughts came at her like rapid fire: what happened, who died, why are there police, where is their father, why are they in pajamas, what is that smell, is that smell me…

“Ma’am, we have reason to believe your ex-husband Will fled the country with a woman by the name of Jazmine. Your kids were staying at a family member’s house while the two in question were out on an apparent date and never showed back up. We know this is shocking, here is our card and we will be getting in touch with you early next week.” As the police were walking away, one stopped “Ma’am, I know things are not great right now, but you should still take time for self-care, it looks like you were up all night digging in the dirt. A nice bath might be just what the doctor ordered.”

Shock was the understatement of the year. Raven was flabbergasted, astonished, and full on disturbed because knowing her ex, he has something horrific planned; however, that cannot be worried about right now because letting the kids know would put too much stress on them. So, she thanked the officers, sent them on their way and turned to her wonderful children.

“Are you guys ok?”

“We’re tired” they said in unison. So off to their rooms they went to either sleep or play Minecraft, at this point Raven was not going to split hairs because in the grand scheme it did not matter, something extreme happened and stressing was not going to fix it.

Wait, what did the cop mean “self-care”, she took a bath last night, she looked down, and her fingers did look like she had been digging all night. I guess I am what I smell, she thought. “Oh well, I’m going to take my own advice too” she thought and decided to read the black notebook to relax.

“Where did I leave off” Raven opened the notebook and began reading again, this time with coffee.

July 3 Tomorrow is the day, he is planning on leaving with all the money he stole from me, the kids, the family. He is a no, good, backstabbing man. I cannot believe I was duped into marrying him in the first place – the only thing good that came outta him were the kids! He and Jazmine deserve each other I hope they

WAIT

Raven sat straight up in bed, had she read that right? Jazmine? LEAVING? Together? WHAT IS GOING ON? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Leave and never come back. I do not want to see either of their cheating, stealing, no good lying faces ever again. You know what I am going to do. I know he keeps all that money on him. I am going to get him drunk and take back my rightful money.

Raven was dizzy with disbelief, she needed more coffee for her swirling head – was it the lack of coffee, the hangover, her situation, or the information in the book making her head swim. No matter what, she wanted to know what happened to Lady Bird and fast.

Ok, it is done

It was the only entry on that page. Raven noticed that there were dirt fingerprints on this entry, “I wonder what she did” Raven turned the page and there was the new entry:

July 4 I woke up to the sounds of birds chirping and a sense of relief to see that his bed was indeed empty. Thankfully, I took the money because all he left behind was a note, nothing even to help with the children. I buried the note where I buried the money – under the gazebo in the yard. Of course, I put “replacements’ and just enough money to get him out of town, far enough away so that he could not make it back HAHAHA. God he is stupid, like I would let him get away scot-free; even his note was stupid:

“My Dearest Raven” he began…

Raven’s face turned white; she dropped the book. WHAT ON EARTH AM I READING? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? WHY WAS THE LETTER ADDRESSED TO RAVEN?

Raven grabbed a shovel and ran outside to the gazebo. She began digging as fast as she could. The dirt was so easy to move, like it had been dug recently, but Raven knew what freshly dug dirt looked like and this was not it. The further she dug the slower she got. She felt so stupid. I’m going crazy she thought, this is all a coincidence. Just a coincidence and I don’t believe in those, she laughed outloud A few feet down she found her favorite bag – her name was embroidered on it. She opened it, inside was the missing $20,000 that her ex-husband had stolen from her during their divorce. Also, inside was a letter:

My Dearest Raven,

By the time you read this, I will be gone. I do not expect you to ever understand what has happened or why things happened the way that they did. I hope you find comfort in our children as I have chosen not to take them from you as well. Do not search for me, as you will never see me again.

Unaffectedly yours,

William