friendships;

Shana

She is the most kind person I’ve ever met

With a smile full of light

her hugs were a warm cup of tea

She wrapped me up in her joy

And taught me how to dream

Even in the small things

She was brimming with enthusiasm

“Drink orange juice! You’ll never feel better if you don’t.”

Middle school was a place of excitement

And much wonder after Shana showed up

My ears had never heard a more wholesome sound

Than the sound of Shana laughing until we both cried

She taught me how to love

Myself

And how to trust somebody else

To love me too

She shone with her sense of childlike awe

At the simplest of things

And that simple thing

Is something I will always carry with me

She showed me a world of sheer awe

And unabashed happy

The day she left

The windows shattered

From the sound

Of my soul being crushed

We were not lovers

We were friends who loved each other.

[“they did not tell me it would hurt like this

no one warned me

about the heartbreak we experience with friends...

it is the type of heartache that

does not hit you like a tsunami

it is a slow cancer...

it all ends the same

a friend or a lover

a loss is a loss

Rupi Kaur]

Caelin

A force of nature

She towered over the rest of us

With confidence

She commanded respect

Through her strength

To this day

I don’t know why she chose me

And still

I look back fondly

Upon a friend whose imagination

Was a world for us to explore

Where recess was a moment for us

to fulfill our secret agent missions

mulch was lava

gravel was ice

grass was the ocean

the playground our headquarters

Caelin taught me how to stand proud

She was a monolith

to my small self

My self that would take up as little space as possible

She showed me how to take up space

Caelin was my first friend

And my heart still aches

For that grade school kind of love

That binds two kindred spirits together.

[“Each friend represents a world in us,

a world possibly not born until they arrive,

and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

— Anas Nin]

Camila

Fireworks

in a night sky

And she’s the fireworks

That fill eyes with awe

At her beauty

And inner fire

She teaches me without knowing

She is radiant

We dance together in her room

Birthing traditions

Like the night before the first day of school sleepovers

She saw me

I saw her

In all of our completeness

We supported each other

Camila’s house was just down the street

And walking never filled me with more glee

Than when I was walking to her house

I think of her

on new year’s eve

When we stuffed ourselves with pupusas

Her dad let us drink coffee

So we could stay awake

And bring in the new year

Dancing with her family

Until 3 in the morning

She taught me how to merengue

And how to laugh at myself

There were trips to the beach

Where the only sound in the car

Was our belting out the lyrics

to the songs on the radio

Wind whipping our hair

Eyes meeting in the rearview mirror

And the immediate laughter that ensued.

[“We didn’t realise we were making memories;

we just knew we were having fun.”

– Winnie the Pooh (A.A. Milne)]

Cindy

If your favorite candle were a human

It would be Cindy

Filling the space around her

With light

And a warmth

That draws you in

Your favorite dessert?

Cindy would make it for you.

You have no doubts who your friend is

Because Cindy is nobody but herself

A person with passions

And the drive the pursue them

She will remember your favorite soup

And she will text you whenever she makes it

She builds

Stacking bricks of confidence and self-love

She will build you up

Until you find yourself again

And then

She will bring you bagels

Because it’s been so long since you got to see each other

You’ll walk all the way to her house

From your house

Because it’s quarantine

You’ll stand outside

And you’ll do all of this

Just for a wave

Because she’s worth it

Then you’ll move

To a beautiful place

But it’s far away

And then you won’t see Cindy everyday

The way you did

When you were coworkers

As well as best friends

[“Some people arrive and make such a beautiful impact on your life,

you can barely remember what life was like without them.”

-Anna Taylor]

And the above names are just a few

Of the friends

Who have shaped me

Taught me

And loved me

A few of the friends

Who I grew to cherish

Love

And miss.

The distance that can grow between friends

fills me with emptiness sometimes.

then I trade my emptiness for gratitude

and am glad I've had friends at all.