Five Books about Relationships: How Our Ideas about Love Have Changed

Social standards evolve with the times, and things that were frowned upon one hundred years ago are hardly even noticed today. Romantic relationships, in particular, have been intensely scrutinized in this regard, as modern notions of love and sexuality are radically different than just a generation or two before our times. One way to assess the changing attitudes is to analyze prevalent ideas in literature dealing with topics of love, emotions, and relationships.

There are many books related to romance that are worth reading, so let’s take a look at a shortlist of non-fiction works by modern authors that provide a fresh perspective on this timeless issue.

Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari & Eric Klinenberg

This book examines some modern dating practices and sheds light on our behaviors in the digital world. Today, it has become normal to chat with singles on dating sites or send provocative photos to strangers, which would be unimaginable until recently. Moreover, online dating has become the norm of our society. Finding casual dates or serious connections online is just one example of how dating culture has changed, and how technology has evolved hookup culture. Now this is our current modern romance - in digital form.

Written in collaboration between a stand-up comedian and a sociology professor and published in 2015, this work combines rational analysis with good old common sense and plenty of humor. It may not completely explain everything we do to find love in a world full of new technology, but it will help you to start asking the right questions.

Come Closer: On love and self-protection by Ilse Sand

The boundary between a legitimate need to shield from danger and pathological refusal to let anyone into our lives is the subject of this excellent book. Published in 2017 by an author with a combination of theological and psychoanalytical training, the book touches on elements of romance that most of the user prefer not to think about. The defense mechanisms discussed in this work are very common and can become destructive if the subject loses perspective of his actions. It represents a part of a larger series of books by Ilse Sand dealing with various aspects of interpersonal relationships.

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel

The author of this New York Times bestseller from 2017 is unafraid to challenge some of the deeply entrenched notions about marriage, including the issue of fidelity. She asks some very inconvenient but crucially important questions, such as is it possible to prevent affairs from happening, and is it conceivable for a temporary affair to affect the long-term relationship in a positive way. After reading this book, you might have to reexamine some of your beliefs and look at romantic adventures with a new mindset.

That makes it a perfect reading material for couples undergoing a difficult stage in their relationship or marriage. As well as for those readers who are looking for casual dating online, even when they are married. How to make sure that short-term flings don't ruin a relationship, or what are the signs that a long-term relationship has become obsolete and needs to be paused or even ended in favor of new romantic adventures. These and many other questions are revealed.

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

While this title has been published in 2010 and isn’t as contemporary as most of the other entries on this list, its content is still very relevant. The book addresses the issue of not being able to live up to expectations and advises the reader to simply let go of unrealistic images imposed by others and proudly embrace their shortcomings. Such a positive message has certainly resonated with the global audiences in the era of social media, and the book has been translated to 30 different languages since its original publication, with more than 2 million copies sold in total so far.

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson

This book was written in 2008 by a popular Goodreads author and intended as a manual in Emotionally Focused Therapy. While this method was initially doubted, it is now universally praised by therapists as one of the most successful approaches to couples therapy. Released for the general public, the book offers excellent insights into the emotional lives of both men and women and suggests possible solutions for marital problems. Of course, reading the book on your own is not a replacement for professional therapy, but it’s a good place to start if your marriage is not going well.

Our understanding of romantic love continues to change and become more nuanced, and good books written by experts can help us stay well informed and well prepared for modern challenges. All of the works from this list touch on some relationship issues related to the modern lifestyle in one way or another, so they can greatly simplify our effort to have a well-balanced emotional life. Reading them together with your partner can be a great idea, too, as this will give you a fantastic foundation for a meaningful discussion about your relationship and the ways to make it better and more stable.