Fake "Okey"

It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

I remember sitting in my car one evening, parked outside my own house, unable to step out. The lights were on inside. My phone buzzed with messages. But I just sat there — numb, staring at nothing. If someone had called me right then and asked, “How are you?”, I know exactly what I would have said: “I’m fine.” Because that’s what we all say. Even when we’re not.

We live in a world that rewards composure. Smiles are social currency. Success is measured by how effortlessly we seem to carry everything. But beneath that calm surface, so many of us are quietly breaking — exhausted, anxious, and pretending to have it all together.

When someone asks “How are you?”, it’s easier to lie than to explain the complicated truth: that you’re tired, uncertain, or emotionally drained. Social media makes this worse. Everyone else seems productive, fulfilled, and glowing with purpose. Behind those perfectly filtered posts, though, most people are running on fumes, terrified that slowing down will make them look weak or lazy.

The result? Burnout disguised as ambition. Smiles hiding survival mode. We’ve confused being strong with never admitting struggle.

Why It Happens

There are reasons we do this — and none of them make us bad people.

Toxic positivity teaches us that sadness and anger are signs of failure. We’re told to “look on the bright side” so often that we start believing negative emotions are problems to fix instead of messages from our bodies and minds.

Then there’s cultural pressure — the hustle culture that glorifies being busy. It whispers that rest is laziness and worth is measured by productivity. Even when our bodies are begging us to slow down, our minds keep shouting: “Keep going. Don’t fall behind.”

And underneath it all lies fear of judgment. We worry that if we admit we’re struggling, people will see us as unstable, ungrateful, or broken. So we keep pretending everything’s fine, building emotional walls so high that even the people who love us can’t see what’s really going on inside.

But pretending doesn’t protect us — it only prolongs the pain. What we resist feeling, we end up carrying longer.

The Solution

1. Name it to tame it

The moment you say, “I’m not okay,” something powerful happens. The truth frees you from the performance. Naming your emotions — sadness, fear, exhaustion, grief — gives them shape, and once they have shape, they can be healed. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear; they just wait for a moment of weakness to surface. Honesty, even whispered to yourself, is the beginning of peace.

2. Redefine strength

Strength isn’t pretending you’re fine. It’s having the courage to admit when you’re not — and choosing to care for yourself anyway. The strongest people aren’t the ones who never fall apart, but the ones who know how to rebuild themselves with patience and grace. Falling down isn’t failure; refusing to acknowledge pain is.

3. Slow down, intentionally

You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t need to prove you deserve a break. Pause. Breathe. Sit in silence without guilt. Read something gentle. Take a walk without your phone. The world won’t fall apart if you stop for a while — but you might, if you don’t.

4. Reach out

Text the friend you’ve been avoiding because you “don’t want to bother them.” Chances are, they’re also pretending to be okay. Connection isn’t a burden; it’s medicine. Healing isn’t meant to be done alone — it begins when we dare to be real with each other.

The Takeaway

You don’t have to be okay all the time to be worthy, lovable, or successful. You are allowed to be a work in progress — messy, healing, and human. The world doesn’t need your perfection; it needs your honesty.

So the next time someone asks, “How are you?” — try to pause before answering. Maybe say, “I’m figuring things out.” Or even, “I’ve had better days.” That small truth can open the door to something healing.

Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is whisper to yourself:

“I’m not okay right now.”

And that’s okay.