Embracing My Freedom

I started slightly early and 2021, was here before I even realized it. No one will disagree with me when I say 2020 sucked! As we started hearing about the Coronavirus last year, I got sick. Sick like I have never been and ever want to be again, which in turn pushed a much-needed shoulder surgery into March. Well, we all know what happened then, we had the great toilet paper shortage!

On December 30th, I had my shoulder repaired, so as everyone was ringing in 2021 with new fashion, I slept through it. I was happy because I am finally on the road of no matter what others think; I am only going to do what is best for me. It had been a long wait to fix what should have never been broken in the first place, but that’s a story for another time. I will have patience and let the healing happen. I will not rush into physical therapy, seeing how fast I can complete it. I will let my shoulder heal to a full 100% before I get out the tennis rackets or do cart-wheels with my granddaughter.

Being a mother is a tremendous blessing in life, guiding her children to be healthy, independent individuals. However, my journey as a mother had not been that simple. I have three spectacular children I would not trade for anything, but it had its bumps in the road. Even as I crossed that bridge of “I’m ready to have my own place,” it swayed in the breezes of life, making me wonder at times if we were all going to make it across. You see, I have an extraordinary son and have had some real challenges making his desire to launch into the independent life seem like climbing a mountain without any gear. I triumphantly stand at the top, knowing that now I will cheer for him as he crosses many more. As I look forward to all of my children’s accomplishments, I will remember that I did my job and everything that comes next is their choice.

I have been the dutiful, diligent daughter after my own mom did a not so graceful summersault down the basement stairs, shattering her femur, I became her rock. It has been a seven-year journey watching her turn into a little old lady with a whole heaping pile of spunk. After four surgeries, she can walk on her own, and I am so proud of her! We moved her 180 miles across the state so that she could be close to her youngest grandchildren. Oh, what joys they are. As I watch them interact, I am reminded of my children when they were young. I will always take the time to get her to all of their tennis matches, band concerts, school plays, birthday parties, and simple, fun days with their grandma.

Quitting smoking is easy. Maintaining a healthy life change is the hard part. Yes, I have carried that monkey on my back for a long time, and this is the year I will successfully quit for the rest of my life! My first step is to face my fears; who would have thought that fears could come with quitting smoking? I have a family history of obesity, and I am terrified of becoming a 400 pound plus club member. As I have taken small steps, I see how easy it is to chew on something to help with the craving. I know I have to use sheer will power because I am allergic to the patch and have a very, very awful reaction to the gum. So here is the battle plan; I have a little bowl with ten pieces of hard candy; that’s the limit for the day. I write down every time I have a cigarette, and when I am craving another one, I have to exercise for 15 minutes, brush my teeth, and walk up and down the basement stairs five times before I can give into that stinky demon. And the big one absolutely no smoking in the car!

“The only person that can make you happy is you.” I can not count the times I have said those words to others, giving them advice as they were facing difficult times, and it is time for me to take a big bite of my advice and listen to it. For 15-years, I was the person everyone thought would be single forever, and then I decided I wanted to share my life. Most days, I really can’t imagine what I was thinking. Anyway, I made a choice, and he has been a part of my life for the last 10-years. There have been signs along the way, but this last year they are screaming. No, I will not look at I’m and tell him it’s time to get out of my life because I know all relationships are not perfect; in fact, they all take work to be successful. So, when he is mumbling about how awful it is to spend time with the family, I will spend time with them and enjoy what little time we get together. When he is critiquing me, I will remember everything I have accomplished to get where I am and not let his unhappy parade drag me down.

I began a new adventure and am taking classes to be a copywriter. I will complete my courses and find myself a position where I am no longer locked into the world of other people’s schedules. I will be able to indulge in family camping trips and simply hop in the car driving to Georgia just to see my baby graduate from AIT. I will be able to say, let me rearrange my plan, and I will be there. No more sorry, I have to work, I will bring it with me. I am excited to find a place in life where I enjoy everything I am doing!