Embracing Imperfection: Why ‘Not Good Enough’ Can Still Be Good Enough

I have never felt good enough in my life.

My bedroom was never tidy as a kid. I didn’t have top marks in my class every subject. At track competitions, I finished fourth or fifth. In high school, the coach cut me from volleyball.

I dreamed as a child of being special. Sometimes my bullies injured me, and my crush du jour would care for me as I healed.

Once I found celebrities, I imagined being whisked from the crowd at a concert by my favorite singer because he fell instantly in love with me. And living a fabulous life on the road with him, while he lavished me with loved and presents.

Limerence started early.

Because chaos ruled my life. To me, no one cared or validated my emotions. I didn’t fit in the small town I grew up in. Even my “friends” weren’t kind to me.

As an adult, I could not figure out the house cleaning. I’m socially awkward. And I never sold enough books to pay the monthly mortgage.

The list of the ways I’m not good enough could go on forever. I’m sure you have your own thoughts on the subject.

Because it’s what our brains do. We always want more. When we get a reward, our brains are wired to feel good. But that only lasts so long, because the feel good transmitters disappear. Our body prefers we stay in homeostasis, equilibrium. So, we long for another reward for happiness.

For this reason, video games are so fucking compelling to our attention. Games give us the reward with new loot or leveling up or winning a match, or hell, even losing a match. Losing is more powerful than winning, because it leaves us wanting.

We are wired to go for the A++ grades. Even if we can’t have it all the time, we want to be the very best.

It’s also socially wired into us. I compare myself to my neighbor, who has a garage. When a new car parks across the street, my dirty rusty hunk of steel and plastic isn’t so appealing anymore.

And as a child, I was rewarded for doing well. It’s almost innate in us to celebrate accomplishments with children. Fuck yes, getting an A++ on math feels fucking good. Hell yeah, performing even though I had nerves was exciting and amazing. It’s hard to escape conditional acceptance.

No one wants to disappoint others. Make them sad or angry.

I believed not being good enough was problematic. Wah wah, I’m not good enough.

Doesn’t matter and I’ll explain why.

I have a huge list of podcasts to listen to and an even bigger watch later playlist on YouTube. One of my very favorite podcasts is Dr K of Healthy Gamer GG. I am not his general demographic. I’m an older woman. But I’m also a gamer with social anxiety and some undiagnosed neurodivergence, so I find his advice applies.

This podcast was a stream where he interviewed Dr. Uma Naidoo about nutrition. Then he was talking about minor changes to diet and exercise. Humans think in all or nothing.

Either we work out 3 hours a day, or not at all. Ten or twenty minutes is not good enough. We can’t eat one or two more fruits and vegetables. No, we must eliminate all carbohydrates. Only if we achieve 100% “clean” eating will be we good enough.

So why bother? Eating one fruit isn’t good enough. So there’s no point until I can overhaul my whole diet.

I can’t save the world, so I won’t help anyone.

So, we can’t save the world. But we can help one person at a time, and the more people who help one person, we are saving the world.

We save the world with small actions. We save the world by doing things that aren’t good enough.

And we change our lives with small actions. Adding one fruit, one small walk, one piece of art.

Then another and another. And you have a healthy lifestyle, or a portfolio of art. You look up and see you wrote 60 books, or 1000+ articles like super creator Eve Arnold.

You won’t always get an A+. You can’t spend 100 hours a week studying.

We all must accept we are average, and we can then embrace our passion, what we stand out for.

That’s a paradox. I am average and yet I am good enough. I do enough. I am worthy.