Doomed To Fail

Let’s get the New Year rolling with failure. That should put a nice and encouraging spin on the entire year, make us feel accomplished and good about ourselves.

That is essentially what most of us do each and every January. By February we are in full self loathing mode, for not sticking to the unrealistic or ill conceived plans to change our lives.

Why does society still adhere to this archaic ritual? And yes it is archaic. It dates back to Babylonian times, a pagan spring vow to pay off good favor, by making promises to their gods for the blessing of their divinity going forward*.

The Romans adopted it next, and even named the first month of our calendar after their god, Janus, the god of looking back and ahead.*

Knights continued the ritual, by making vows to maintain knightly integrity, by touching a bird. (I can’t make this stuff up)*

The actual term we use today was created by a newspaper in Boston in the 1800’s. Why does that not surprise me.*

So let’s get into the nuts and bolts of it scientifically speaking. It is reported that 80-90 percent of people fail at their resolutions. Why? I will hypothesize it shortly. Out of the countless resolutions made, be it in the open or kept secret, weight loss is the number one failed goal, followed by quitting smoking. Not surprised? Of course not. I think, by now, we all make these unrealistic promises, knowing we will most likely fail. This brings me to the masochistic part of the conversation.

Why masochistic? Because we apparently love the pain failure brings. We yearn each January to pay for our recent, season’s happiness and joy, by ringing in the new year with vows that will leave us disappointed, depressed, or steeped in self deprecation, for our weaknesses and inability to reach our targets.

In reality, we should just go about January like all other months. We should give up this crazy task oriented compulsion.

So, what to do then, hm… Maybe we could be happy with where we are in life. We are not perfect, it’s not perfect, for anyone. If I had a dime for every time I wished something about myself could be better, I’d be a very wealthy woman. I’m a failure at so many things, and yet I still breathe in and out. I’m perfectly okay with my shortcomings. It makes me, me, and if I don’t love or like where ‘me’ is at a particular time, then I try to make changes. Some stick, some don’t. Normal.

It’s not a solution or an answer to why or what, but at this point in my life, I don’t care to harp on the bad and prefer to concentrate on the good.

For instance, I recently started drawing again after thirty years of a hiatus. I have over 500 pieces, since April or 2025, created and in portfolios. I do this for myself. Accomplishment.

I also rediscovered my love of writing and began with poetry, a subject matter I hated all my life. Not that I hated reading it, but I hated writing it, when forced in junior and senior high. It was like peeling my skin off the bone. I started with poetry, because my makeup is such, that I don’t believe impossible is possible. So I worked at it. My first poems were laughable and weak. They were completely less than amateur attempts. I re-read them intermittently, to remind my self that progress is incremental. The more I penned poetically, the better I got at it and I soon found that I not only had a talent for it, but I did enjoy it. I have been published quite a few times, I stopped counting after the first twenty. Shocking right? It’s my writing choice above other genres. One little win at a time.

Goals are good things. It keeps us striving for success, solidifying our self esteem. It feeds the ego, not a bad thing, if kept grounded. We all need and create goals, our entire lives.

From infancy, conscious or not, we set challenges and hopefully meet most or even some. As a baby, we inwardly have a goal to walk, like the big people around us. We want and work tirelessly to grab language and use it to communicate like those around us. Let’s face it, its easier to tell the grownup what I want , NOW, than it is to make them guess and try a hundred different things before we get to Cheerios, juice, or dare I say, chocolate, I wanted to begin with. These are subconscious things, but the beginning of goal oriented tasks.

Students, study to reach the goal of a high grade. Some get it some don’t. We manage our disappointment if we don’t achieve the target, and either work harder the next time, or get help to understand the subject and improve, or we celebrate a successful endeavor.

As adults, we may not have those same aims, but we still have them. One person meets another and decides they want to marry that person. They don’t just leap off the cliff after a few dates, and ask them to marry. They consistently and carefully nurture and work towards a meaningful relationship, creating a bond and allowing love to grow in both parties. Someone wants a job they aren’t qualified to have, and they work to gain experience or learn by education or training. And so on…

So, get this. None, of the important things in life arrive at us by happenstance. We see something we want and we work to get it. We don’t wait until January first to say, “now I want and will double down to get it or get there.”

Look, I’m not saying ambition to work on something, is bad, in January, but I am saying, if you are going to keep that tradition, make it attainable and realistic.

If you want to lose weight, take one little step at a time. Start maybe eating less at each meal, or cutting one thing out of your diet if you eat poorly. Instead of making the goal to lose 20, 30, or more pounds, make the target one or two pounds. Reach that goal. Guess how you’ll feel. You are going to feel fan-freaking-tastic, that’s how. Achievement. Target attained. Then make another small goal like that. With each success, you reaffirm and boost your self-worth and esteem.

If it’s smoking you are needing to give up, maybe try cutting the pack a day to half. Chew gum or keep your hands busy, when you usually know you smoke. Go one customary cigarette time, without grabbing one. Guess what the feeling will be for you. Yup, you’ll feel great at the success. No failure. As you master that, cut a little less until you don’t need one anymore. Please note, that if do quit, being around other smokers or cigarette smoke in general, will make you want one. This phenomenon lasts the first year after cessation. So be strong. If you grab a smoke, after quitting, don’t go head first and smoke a pack, because you bought the pack. Toss it and get back on the horse. You will get there and be happier for it.

The idea, I’m getting at is, that goals, resolutions, aspirations, or objectives should be reachable. Reaching a target, makes you feel better about yourself and the achievement, making you want to continue another day, another week, and so on. Failing, at an overzealous and mammoth vision, makes you feel like a failure, like you can’t do what you set your mind to, like you are wasting your time. That, in turn makes us love ourselves a little less, each time it happens. Then we give up, often with the opposite effect or outcome that triumph offers us. Then, we throw in the towel, and dive deeper into the vise, we are trying to correct, if the intent is for self improvement. If at first you don’t succeed, yada, yada. I think that jingle was created for resolution month.

One last thing, before I leave you to it. You absolutely do not have to make, have, or break resolutions, promises, or vows, in January, or rather January alone. The things most people promise themselves to improve, are all things that can be started and worked on, any time of the year. Don’t wait. Don’t say, “Oh that’s a good goal, or a good resolution for January.” If you decide you want to make a change, start right then and there, while you are motivated. Do a little research, too.

Want to shed pounds, look at different diets, or lifestyle methods of eating. Look around for recipes for those diets to see if you’d even enjoy it. Yes, you can and should enjoy the diet. Why would you stick to it in the future, if you abhor the foods or it takes away something you love and don’t intend on living without? That’s why so many fail at it. Then make the goal a couple pounds at a time and win! Then keep going. Win, win, win.

The bottom line here, is, start when your mind is thinking about it to begin with. Don’t hesitate or wait. In, January, make it a resolution not to make one. Not, to put that pressure on yourself right out of the new year gate. Do a little homework on what you are wanting to do. Remember, if you do your homework, you have a much better chance at getting the high grade. If you don’t, because the dog ate it, you won’t succeed.

It doesn’t matter the vow. Diet, physical activity, smoking, volunteering, saving money, etc.. Take one little step at a time. You didn’t lay in your crib, and one day, decide to get up and walk across the house. There was and is, always a process.

One meal at a time, one workout at a time, one less cigarette at a time, one charity at a time, dollar at a time and so on. No little win is small. It’s huge. I means you ARE capable, you ARE successful, you ARE reaching your goals.

I’ll say this now. I’m proud of each one of you who succeed. More importantly, I am proud of all of you that fail or have failed. You tried. That is what matters, and that is not trite. It’s heartfelt and honest. I have been there, failed and failed again and again. And I still keep trying. That in itself, is a win.

* historical information attained in online search (no shame)