I've Had Enough

The alarm rings, it’s 6:30. I hot snooze. I’m tired and not ready. It goes off again almost ten minutes later. Not exactly ten minutes. It’s more like nine minutes. Who does that? Who makes or wants a nine minute snooze? Does that one minute make a difference in the cost of production, or is it some like of psychology? Id anyone knows, please inform me.

Anyway, I literally hit snooze a few times before I turn it off completely and laid there. What’s wrong with me? On Sundays I usually up by 6 or 6:30, no problem. But I am not. The contemplation of getting up, shower, dress, makeup and then coffee, leaves me uninterested. I know it’s church day, and I love going and being with people I know and love, but I truly don’t want to see anyone or be with anyone.

I also have one last thing to dismantle from the holidays, and I loathe thinking I will have to come home to it and spend time to get it put up. I decide, I’m staying home. I know, I know, there will be people, church goers, that will shun me for not spending the day of the Lord going to church, but I also know it’s not required. God loves me anyway and never says, you must go to church on every Sunday, not even any Sunday. Let’s face it, that is a manmade construct, created to keep up attendance and justify million dollar buildings and the salaries of the people that service and pastor their flock. Also, not in the bible. Even so, it’s still may happy place. And I do love it. But there really does not need to be any guilt associated with not going. For me there isn’t.

So, I get up to let my Lola out for her morning constitutional, and I’m ready to go back to bed, but I don’t. I stay up, shower, and then sit down to text my husband, who's on his way home from work, having worked all night, after taking his call late last night. I ask if he would pick me up some 7Brew and he says he is too tired and it would be busy there when he gets to it. He not wrong. I’m still disappointed.

I sit at my dining room table and wonder, why I feel so blah about church and people this morning, when I get it. I’m burned out from too much holiday splendor. Too much shopping, decorating, socializing, food, more food and beverages, and then the wonderful task of putting it all away for another year. Wash, rinse and repeat. Don’t get me wrong I love the holiday season, from November through January 1-3, but I am overstimulated. I need ‘me’ time. I need quiet, and I need no one to need anything from me for a few hours at least, but more preferred, I’d like a couple days with nothingness. I know that will not happen, but I am going to take this morning and afternoon, to just come down from the festive high.

I enjoy just down time. I love being home and staying home. I often prefer not to go out. I love people, but I love to think and be quiet in my own head just as much. And today will one that for me.

My husband gets home, has a bite and beverage and heads up to bed, no doubt exhausted. This week looks busy for him, so he will probably have to take call again after the mandatory rest hours allotted for the hours he worked. I will get my solitude for a nice jaunt.

Then I undertake the task of breaking down the Christmas village and cleaning up the snow dust and flakes that I always sprinkle on it all, only to have a larger mess to clean on the back end of the fun it takes to fling it on the scene. I manage to get it all done.

I need to write. This year I have promised myself to be more disciplined and intentional about writing, so I go into my office/studio and begin. This is it, ha! You all get my sage wisdom on burnout, this morning. I chuckle as I write that very line.

So, let me say this, burnout is a thing, overstimulation is a thing, and overstimulated holiday burnout, also a thing. And it’s okay. It happens, or at least I believe it does to many more than to me.

I’m an average every day person. I have my daily routine and chores, responsibilities and pleasures. I don’t work, and that’s a story for another time, but I still have a normal life. Cooking, my writing, art, and running a home, are my full-time gig. I don’t have some glamorous writer’s life, not that I’d complain if I did, but I’m like ninety percent of all people, going day to day being me and living. And we normals, get burned out.

Let me let you all in on something. It is perfectly okay to get to the end of your tether. And it is even wonderful to let it go and take some personal, mental health, downtime. So take it, refresh, be in a quiet place by yourself, and for yourself. Do anything and everything you need to do to take a step back from the busy of life. It doesn’t have to be from holiday stresses. Sometimes it is family that stress us. Work, people, children, and so many other things in life, fry our brains, and often. So, be a little selfish and do something for you.

It doesn’t have to be secluding yourself. I could be lunch with your clan off friends, or just one. I could be a movie, or a pedicure, haircut or dare I say it, a little more shopping, but for you alone. It is all okay. Do not be ashamed or feel guilty about it either. No one knows your mind or what floats around in there making you feel overwhelmed. And no one has a right to make you feel selfish for needing time for you, so you can feel your best, when you are back online. They’ll get a better you, and you will enjoy everyone so much more. Now I’ll get to, getting back online after my systems crash, and then reboot.

And in case someone needs to hear this, it’s okay if you don’t succeed in your new year’s resolution. Who created such a catalyst for failure and guilt anyway? Make a goal, try, if you fail, regroup and try again. Maybe tomorrow I’ll touch on this subject further……