Does Love Have to Die Three Times Before the Soul Awakens?

Many people believe that love is eternal, unconditional, and involves sacrifice, dedication, and wholehearted devotion. But such love is often merely a series of periods of intoxication and disillusionment in life’s journey—until we personally experience three "deaths of love" before our souls truly awaken and realize:

True love begins with loving oneself.

The First Death: Killing the Projected Fantasy

In our youth, we tend to imagine "love" as some ideal form—the other person must understand me, pamper me, change for me, and even save my broken past and fill the emptiness in my heart.

What we fall in love with is not the real person, but a projection of our own inner selves—a perfect image pieced together from our desires.

As the relationship deepens, we discover:

He/She isn't as gentle and considerate as we imagined.

He/She doesn't understand everything about us like in the movies.

The moment the fantasy shatters, we feel immense pain, believing the other person has changed.

But what has truly changed is that we have awakened. We’ve killed projected love and begun to learn to see people and relationships with clear eyes. Love isn't about molding the other person into what you want them to be, but about being able to interact authentically.

The Second Death: Killing Transactional Love

As we grow up, we learn another kind of love through reality and setbacks—conditional love:

You're good to me, so I'm good to you.

You promise the future, so I give in the present.

You're loyal, so I trust and rely on you.

We think this kind of "rationality" can protect us.

But this kind of love is actually just an exchange: I give you love because I expect something in return.

When the other person can't reciprocate, when we give but don't receive the expected equivalent, we feel disappointed, angry, and heartbroken.

At that moment, we finally understand—those who can truly give love don't calculate whether they'll receive anything in return, and those who truly know how to love themselves don't belittle their worth because of rejection.

Transactional love prevents us from loving freely because there's always a mental tally, a constant weighing and calculation. This kind of love, once unbalanced, will collapse. When we kill this kind of love, we learn that true abundance is inner fulfillment, not defining our worth by relying on the feedback of others.

The Third Death: Killing Altruistic Love

The last, most praised, and also most dangerous kind of love is "selfless" love—we are taught to sacrifice for the other person, to fulfill their needs, to be considerate, to be tolerant, even putting ourselves last.

This "altruistic" love, seemingly noble, is often a disguise for low self-worth. We use excessive giving to gain the possibility of being loved; we use self-sacrifice to prove we deserve to stay.

But love shouldn't be about losing oneself, shouldn't be about enduring, feeling wronged, or even distorting oneself to please the other person.

Ultimately, we collapse in utter exhaustion, finally asking ourselves: Who am I? Why am I always so tired?

At that moment, we awaken. We kill the illusion of altruism and begin to return to ourselves. We begin to understand—true love is not about burning oneself to light others, but about illuminating oneself and warming each other.

The Awakening of the Soul: Toward "Self-Interested Love"

These three deaths, seemingly losses, are in fact rebirths of the soul. We begin to learn:

No longer to see the other person as our savior.

No longer to expect others to prove our worth.

No longer to exchange love for sacrifice, but to attract love with our own abundance.

True love is loving yourself. It is being yourself. It is the security that grows from self-acceptance.

It is: You look at yourself in the mirror and feel beautiful, at ease, and good enough.

You can live well on your own, no longer selling love at a low price because of loneliness.

You are no longer afraid to leave unsuitable relationships, because you deserve better.

This version of yourself, without needing to pander or please, possesses the most captivating allure. This kind of love is not dependence, not compromise, but a true resonance between souls.

Conclusion: The Death of Love Is for Rebirth

Every death of love is a disillusionment, but every disillusionment is an opportunity for the soul to become more awake.

When you've experienced death three times and finally returned to your own center, loving yourself, being yourself, and no longer lost in the eyes and definitions of others, you will understand: The ultimate goal of love is not to possess anyone but to become your complete self.

Let us begin today to stop chasing external love; let us turn around and embrace the self that has been waiting for you for so long—that clear-headed, free, steadfast yet tender soul.

Thank you for reading!