Divorce Court Love Lessons: Unexpected Advice for Lasting Relationships

Though they witness the worst in marriages, divorce attorneys do not deny the existence of love. Indeed, their distinct viewpoint provides priceless insights into what makes partnerships succeed and what condemns them to failure. Now let's explore some unexpected guidance from those who have witnessed several failed romantic relationships.

Recognize yourself (and your partner)

Think about what matters most to you in a relationship before you even swipe right. Is it generosity, security in money, or a dark sense of humor? No response is incorrect, but understanding your priorities is essential.

"Reflecting on past relationships is good - those moments when it felt like a partner had let you down are a good indication that a quality you prioritize wasn't there," says Jessica Keal, an associate at Simkins LLP.

And remember that chemistry is just as important as compatibility. According to Keal,

"It used to drive me mad when people would say, 'Oh, it's a slow burner, the attraction will come.' It's OK to say the attraction does need to be there."

Start the difficult conversations early.

Even if you might be ecstatic in the beginning, don't allow that stop you from engaging in some rather unromantic chats. Partner at Stowe Family Law Liza Gatrell stresses the value of having an honest conversation about potentially difficult topics up front:

"If you have those conversations about things like children's education or medical care preferences early on, I find that you are less likely to separate down the line."

While they may not feel comfortable, financial discussions are necessary. Gatrell continues, "If you can communicate like that at the beginning, when it's a little bit awkward, you can probably do so throughout."

Accept change (and disagreements)

People change; that much is true. Twenty-five years later, the person you fell in love with on the first date won't be the same. The director of Britton & Time, Sophie Campbell-Adams, observes that relationship dissolutions frequently stem from this organic progression.

However, change need not be a bad thing. Campbell-Adams supports conflict that is constructive:

"I think it's healthy to argue, have those debates, have those discussions, get your point across and be heard. A lot of people say if you argue you're not happy or in love, and I don't agree with that - that's where the resentment builds."

The dream is realized with teamwork.

Both couples frequently juggle full-time employment, family duties, and social life in today's environment. A relationship may be severely strained by this delicate balancing act. Gatrell highlights the significance of effectively distributing the workload, both mentally and physically:

"If one partner is doing this more than the other, it can lead to feelings of resentment and mental overload, which can create massive cracks in a relationship."

When things are difficult

All relationships have difficulties, be it adjusting to an empty nest or the restless evenings of becoming a new parent. Head of Simkins' Divorce and Family Deborah Jeff suggests couples counseling as a useful resource:

"Going to couple's counseling is always a good thing. Trying to salvage a relationship rather than end it is usually the best for both parties, unless there's domestic abuse."

When it's time to part ways

Even with our best intentions, partnerships do not always last. The experts advise using moderation and elegance in the situation. Partner Bryan Jones of Hughes Fowler Carruthers advises against holding oneself to the highest standards of conduct:

"Sadly, when you get to that point, people are not as fair as they appeared before. Things that they appeared to have no issue with... they do have an issue with."

Maintaining civility is more crucial than ever in the era of social media. "Imagine a judge reading the messages you send to the other party and consider whether they reflect who you really are," suggests Samantha Hillas KC.

The bright side? You underestimate your strength. Countless customers have recovered, according to Maisie Huynh, senior associate at Irwin Mitchel: "In many ways, it's because they've become more resilient than they were before."

As much as we hope you never need a divorce lawyer, their experience and knowledge may help all of us create more solid, enduring bonds in our relationships. Ultimately, there are occasions when listening to those who work in courts is the best way to stay out of one.