Divorce - A Painful Goodbye, but Also a ‘Welcome’ to a New Life

Divorce itself, like marriage, does not turn life into something magical. Although legal divorce can end with a small piece of paper, emotional divorce can be more difficult. Some people are emotionally divorced even before they physically separate

According to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, divorce ranks second in a list of the most demanding life events, due to the multitude of changes that such a situation entails. It is a more informative classification on the level of stress expected in general because each individual relates in a unique way to the facts of life grouped around the word divorce, depending on their system of beliefs and values, motivations that determines him to act or to react, by the level of understanding and awareness of his person.

Divorce mirrors marriage, in the sense that the reasons that formed the basis of the marriage decision are resumed, reevaluated, reconsidered, and reported again or perhaps for the first time to one's person.

Attitudes towards divorce and divorcees are ambivalent and much permeated by social judgments considered universally valid. A divorced person often hears statements such as "I'm sorry" or is asked "What happened, what didn't work?", Or is even suspected of not being able to start a family.

Behind these behaviors is a diffuse mixture of contradictory feelings that have their roots both in their own experiences (parents who divorced or should have done so, problems in their marriage) and in socio-cultural "teachings" taken over and established as fixed, indisputable truths, the violation of which would have dramatic consequences: "marriage is difficult and must be carried to the end, as a fundamental duty of the human being", "divorce is a sin", "those who divorce are weak people who give in to the hardships of life and run away from responsibilities "etc).

Despite the changes that the current society is experiencing, divorce remains a unique fact, seen as an unnatural breakup, which makes the task of the person living it much more difficult.

Divorce = an end, but also a beginning for a new path

It is not surprising that in this context there are also reactive behaviors towards social constraints and pressures and many marriages are concluded in a hurry, as a revolt that the person feels towards social norms and the expectations of those around them to comply with them. to cancel one's individuality.

It is often found that the motivations were not passed through the deep personal filter, but rather were taken over by undigested people from the surrounding social environment, or that they no longer correspond to what the person is today.

Starting a family through marriage is an objective seen as the sure path to fulfillment, happiness, stability, evolution, personal, professional, financial growth, integration, growth, and social and moral validation.

A kind of reversal of the natural course of things: you get married to become human and enter the world, while things are exactly the opposite, you become human, in the sense that you know yourself and take responsibility for your growth and only then the decision to travel together.

When the present brings the idea of ​​divorce to the forefront it is not a fact to be ignored. If he comes once, he will return. It does not mean that it must be put into practice, but it is necessary to analyze the individual and relational context in which this possibility came to life.

Any marriage has such moments and their passing in silence is not a good long-term solution, although it is the most used. The impasse is required to be recognized and discussed, and since the problem arose in a two-person system, the solutions are both own and common, but not separate, but interconnected.

Divorce itself, like marriage, does not turn life into something magical. Although legal divorce can end with a small piece of paper, emotional divorce can be more difficult.

Some people are emotionally divorced even before they physically separate. It can take years for others to feel truly disconnected. Disconnection brings liberation from both positive and negative feelings and places feelings between the limits of indifference and occasional worry.

Self-rediscovery does not happen overnight. Some are excited about the possibilities, others are scared. Most alternate between these two possibilities until the days of hope and enthusiasm slowly begin to outnumber those of fear and panic.

Loneliness can provide opportunities for self-reflection: what are the factors that contributed to the end of the marriage? What exactly do I want from a serious relationship?

What changes do I need to make to have the relationship I want? What kind of partner do I need to have such a relationship with? What can I do about the limitations and shortcomings I have in turning them into strengths and resources?

Finally, divorce can be done in collaboration or conflict, depending on how these stages were completed and the willingness of both to subsequently develop healthy co-parenting.

Children need to be protected from destructive emotions, not from the truth about what happens between parents. The message they need to receive is that parents are divorcing each other, not their children.

Their reactions can range from denial to anger and attempts to restore the family's original form. Often children may show signs of school regression or emotional imbalance, a situation in which it is recommended to seek specialized psychological support.

Divorce contains not only an end in itself but also a beginning for a new path.