Cultivating Intimacy

I think about intimacy quite frequently. It’s a desire of mine that I’ve had all my life. Despising shallowness, I yearned for closeness in most of my relationships. I know now that I always had this desire because God created mankind to be relational beings. It is written that ‘it is not good for man to be alone’ (Genesis 2:18) after God created Adam, so He then created Eve. The beauty in the creation of Adam’s helpmate is that God didn’t just form her from the ground like He did him but He created her from Adam’s rib. Eve is then affirmed by her husband with the words ‘this is now bones of bones and flesh of my flesh’ (Genesis 2:23) and in the next verse, it is written ‘that is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh’. So, we know that God created marriage from the beginning of creation of mankind. He created intimacy between human beings.

The world has perverted every [good] thing that God has created so we don’t view intimacy as we should. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were naked but felt no shame (Genesis 2:25). This was before perversion entered the world through sin. Unlike other creations, humans have been created in the likeness of God (Genesis 1:27). We have been created with a mind, will and emotions. The will that we have been given is a free will; God has created us with the ability to make our own choices. God created mankind for Himself but He didn’t create us to be robots that do exactly what their creators want, exactly how their creators want. Our free will gives us the opportunity to either follow God’s commandments or disobey them. Though God created mankind so He could love them and be loved by them, when Adam and his wife sinned against Him and chose not to be honest, they ruined their connection with Him as well their connection with each other. When they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, which God commanded them not to eat from (Genesis 2:17), their eyes were opened (Genesis 3:7). This means that they were now vulnerable to disobedience and they felt shame. They no longer had the protection that God had given them, as their pride lead them to hide from God (Genesis 3:8). Their intimacy with God had been destroyed because they chose to hide in shame instead of repent and ask for forgiveness.

As God asks Adam and his wife why they disobeyed him, they play the blame game instead of taking responsibility for their own actions. Adam says “the woman you put here with me - she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it” (Genesis 3:12). He doesn’t take responsibility for the fact that he didn’t lead his wife away from sin as he should’ve. He doesn’t even acknowledge her as his wife. This is what pride does - it’s makes us avoid accountability and lose respect for the roles we have in our relationships. We lose integrity. Pride is a result of shame. Instead of overcoming shame with honesty and humility, we often allow shame to turn into pride. Pride comes from fear, the fear of being judged and punished for our actions. There would have been no fear if Adam hadn’t sinned because he would have had no reason to be fearful of God’s wrath.

The world is committed to viewing vulnerability as a weakness but in Christ, I know it’s a blessing. The relationship that we should have had between ourselves and God has been restored by faith, faith in Jesus Christ who sacrificed himself so we wouldn’t have to struggle trying to pay for our sins. Repentance is an act of faith - when we repent of our sins, we’re showing our faith in God’s grace and mercy. Confessing your immorality defeats the pride of life because it’s an act of humility that shows God that you see Him as your creator. This is the first step of being reconciled to Him and just like any other intimate relationship, we should keep up with honest communication.

It’s wise to accept that intimacy can only be attained through vulnerability. Where closeness is, there is no shame. Where there is no shame, there is freedom. Freedom to live the lives that our creator has called us to. Our relationship with God shapes our reality; if we accept that He is our creator and He is sovereign then we have the opportunity to live in the purpose that He has created for us. Who has ever created without purpose? Even the things we’ve created by ‘accident’ have had an intention that we weren’t aware of. God didn’t create us by accident, He was very intentional about creating us and we should cherish this fact. Our relationship with God influences our relationships with one another. If we love God with all our heart, soul and mind then we can love others too. Intimacy with God creates intimacy with others. He created marriage to mirror His relationship with His people. There is no one in this world [other than God] who should know you better than your spouse. God created Adam and Eve to enjoy intimacy with each other and a fruit of that intimacy is children. No marriage can be fruitful without intimacy. How can a marriage produce children if the couple hasn’t first experienced intimacy through the union of their bodies? It’s impossible. Think of your relationship with God this way. It’s impossible to produce [good] fruit in life without your creator who has created you with a purpose that can only be fulfilled when you respect the role that He has. This helps us to also respect the role that we have. In every other circumstance, creation has never dictated the purpose of their creator because we are the only creation with free will. God loves us so much, instead of forcing us to love Him he gave us the choice to love Him. How freeing is that?