Creating Community

Rabbi G mentioned this book during her sermon today called the "Amen Effect" by Sharon Brous. She didn't want to give spoilers, but she gave a simple explanation about how one simple word could create community.

Her sermon was about community and belonging. When she was going to Rabbinical school, she visited Israel. Her mom died when she was a child and since she came from an interfaith household (her dad is Italian Catholic, her mom was Jewish), she was more of a secular Jew when she was younger. Anyway, when she was in Israel, it was her mom's Yahrzeit (anniversary of her death) and she decided to go to an Orthodox Synagogue for Kaddish.

Since she is Reform, she didn't realize that Orthodox men don't recognize when women say Kaddish. No one said "Amen" for her, not even the women. They didn't listen since she was a woman and it wasn't recognized. She felt awful.

Now that she's 16 years removed (this happened in 2008), looking back, she maybe should have mentioned why she was there and while it won't change the Orthodox beliefs, maybe some of the women would have offered their support.

This led into a discussion about how we can be a community. What the Rabbi recommended totally went against everything I've heard about being private. It's no one's business what your stories are, what you are going through, and everything else in between.

Yet, when we are private, no one knows what is going on with us. When we show up in times of need, if no one knows what happened, how can you expect that "amen?" How can you expect support? What you need the most won't be recognized by others and you'll end up feeling awful.

Now would I recommend sharing with the whole world? It depends. I share my stories of overcoming trauma on my blog. Sure, that was a big risk, but I started a project to help myself and wanted to share with the world. It was my hope that maybe it would help others.

My blog about my Happiness Box Project and my portfolio on Writing.com caught the attention of others. Individuals that wanted to try their own Happiness Box Project, although maybe not as big as mine. I told them to just do whatever they felt comfortable with. Their version of Happiness Boxes helped them and created some online communities.

In 2018, a school in Africa found me and asked me to create lesson plans for their students. Their students faced trauma from war, abuse, poverty, and everything in between. I also came up with smaller box ideas that may interest children. I'm happy to report that the school had success and the students still use their boxes.

However, when it comes to personal communities, sometimes putting yourself out there opens doors. Sometimes being vulnerable and reaching within yourself to tell your story, lets other people reach out and take you in. They offer support and from that seed, better relations grow and communities become more meaningful.

The Rabbi's message was about Jewish communities and how we can be more welcoming. That's true for any religion, especially in the 21st Century. When clergy can't relate to their members, it's a disconnect. Or when members don't want to volunteer or join groups to help out the house of worship. Often those who volunteer and put themselves out there, they have bigger community and more meaning in their experiences. They feel welcomed.

The Rabbi hoped that we can all be kind to others because that kindness makes a difference for people. If someone is kind and welcomes someone else, that other person will want to return and grow.

Not everyone will understand your stories or will be part of your tribe, but once you find your tribe, beautiful things can blossom.