Controlling People?

Being a married woman, I have to decipher the difference between being controlled and someone protecting me. When you're a teenager it is all about your parents and friends trying to protect you. As an adult you don't want to take advice from someone else but who is actually controlling you and who is trying to protect you? Here are some clues:

1) Is it always and argument? Think about this from both sides. Try to understand where the person is coming from and who they are. If it is a new boyfriend or new person in your life id start asking some questions because if a new individual doesn't want, you to do something little like cut or change your hair color we may need to have a conversation about. If they tell you no, then I would question the relationship. If they have respect for you as an individual, they should not have any issues with you wanting to change something about yourself. If they just tell you no there is a discussion to be had on control issues.

2) The cell phone blows up! Can you go somewhere with a friend or parent without the person calling you every second to know where you are and what you're doing? This is very common in controlling relationships. Every second is monitored and kept track of because they need to be a part of everything you do. If this is not the case, then I would not worry about it so much if the one you know has faith in you and some trust there should be no need to track one another. This includes text messages and missed calls from said person.

3)Manipulation. This comes in many forms such as guilt tripping and gaslighting. When a person uses your emotional bond to persuade you to do want, they want you to do instead of what you planned on doing. This happens a lot in relationships, The woman will want to do something, and the man will disagree and say that if she does that, they will never see each other or be together. This comes in many forms and truly angers me because I have had this happen on many of occasions. The parent doesn't want their teenager to go to prom so they will schedule a mom and child dinner date that night and then if the child wants to go then the mom can gaslight the child into feeling guilty enough to not go to prom for fear of or guilt of not upsetting mom. This is a dangerous slope and not always easy to see. Any decent parent should acknowledge that their child is growing up and needs to experience new things. Any intent on not letting the child get what they want by a parent when the parents know there is no harm that will come to the child in the process is a direct sabotage of the child's mental state to be controlled.

On the flip side if your child is prone to irrational decisions and has ended up being talked to by the authorities it is recommended that steps should be taken to ensure the safety of the child at all times even if it means breaking a few rules in morality to make the child behave.

Do you think you are being controlled by another person or are you sure you are here are some ideas:

1) Communication- this is difficult because not everyone especially children have a hard time letting adults know what they are specifically feeling and thinking. At the least try to set them down and explain everything that is going on in an attempt to see if the child will understand why, you are doing things in a certain manner. If you have a child under two, I leave this up to your own discretion and parenting skills because that is not a subject I'm familiar with.

2) If you know that your choices are not going to be liked but also know that no harm will come to others and yourself for making the choice, why not do what you like to do? I quite frequently change things in, on, and around me because I feel like I want to. If it is something as small as re-arranging furniture or getting a new haircut or something small there should be no reason not to do what you feel like.

Caution: This is based off of my experience as an individual and the things that I have endured throughout my lifetime. In no way to I suggest you do anything rash or dangerous. Or use these ideas and tactics to control others. Our lives and are choices are entirely and completely up to us including what we do, who we see, and what we strive for. Know that there are those that are just seeking to protect you and without any further context may come off as rude and controlling. With communication we will understand all the people say and do and why they do it.

Bosses vs. Leadership

The debate on bosses versus leaders has been many and ongoing forever now. Let's clarify,

Bosses:

Yell and order things to get done. Mistreat people and expect way more than an individual is capable pushing the associate to be stressed and upset all the time causing eventual job upsets and losses. When there is no concern for the wellbeing of the associate by management and communication is nil, one needs to be thinking about a change. Bosses stand there and tell you what to do without any further instruction and then yell at you if it's not done right not knowing that you weren't trained to do such tasks. They didn't also decide to show you how the task needed to be done.

Leaders:

After knowing a few Leaders are so much better. They explain and deliberate and make sure that others know what they are doing and will show people step by step without insulting or talking down to a person. Leaders do the work first, so they know how to explain how the work needs to be done and why. Leaders should have worked their way to the top knowing everything and gaining intelligence on how things should be done before others are being given assignments. As a manager I love it when people ask questions because it gives me the chance to explain to them what they need so I can give them a better understanding and start a conversation with them which will lead to rapport and eventual trust between the workers and the management. One that is gained you have the making for an amazing team experience.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed the opinions. These are just opinions, and you may take them as you like. No hard feelings here if you don't agree or hate it!

Linda Stanfill