Conny Reviews 'A Prince for Christmas'

FILM REVIEW

A Prince for Christmas (2015, Fred Olen Ray)

Ubiquitous to the point of tropehood, the 'marry a prince' genre of romantic movie has a storied and chequered past. Often poorly-written and shot on low budget, these modern fairytales have been a mainstay of festive watch-lists since images first moved. As part of my anthropological studies into this phenomenon, I set out to watch a film that truly encapsulates this wonderful genre.

Dear Reader, I present: A Prince for Christmas.

This controversial and unflinching drama gives a searing insight into the world of royal marriages. Shot between the Kingdom of Balemont and America, we follow Prince Duncan (a beautifully nuanced and pinch-faced performance from Kirk Barker, who captures Duncan’s dilemma with squinty brio) as he escapes from an arranged marriage to follow his heart. Emma (played with fizzing longueur by a coat-wearing Viva Bianca) is a waitress at a failing diner in small-town America who yearns for a life of travel and adventure. When she meets Duncan at Christmas in small-town America, she finds herself forced to re-evaluate her life as romance blossoms between these two dissimilar personalities. As financial insecurity beckons, can she allow herself to fall for the billionaire European monarch?

My favourite scene is the first meeting between Emma and Duncan when Duncan’s princely handsomeness renders Emma unable to remember to deliver toast to one of her customers. I suspect it will appear in the Top 10 lists for years to come.

Another glorious scene is when Duncan (called ‘Dave’ or ‘Mr Fancy Pants’ throughout) helps burger chef Max study for his entrance exams for culinary school (the scene is gripping – “the answer is six”) before a fistfight erupts with jilted baddy Todd (Aaron O’Connell), culminating in cue-fencing. Not since The Expendables 3 have I seen such heart-stopping action sequences.

A note of congratulations should be given to the supporting artists and background artists. They buy into the thematic edginess of the piece under Ray's skilful guidance, often seeming to be unaware that they are actually in a movie and happy to stand dormant until directly addressed, at which point they jolt to life, like wonderful metaphors for our on-demand delusions in the modern world.

A special mention to Brittany Beery who delivers a vivacious and scene-stealing performance as Alice, the little sister afflicted with non-parallel blinking who gets accepted into university. Her erratic blinking serves to remind the viewer of the intrinsic unreality of the festive season and also makes you wonder if, in fact, you have something in your eye. It is truly immersive cinema. The nail-biting scene where Alice waits at the train station for her annual delivery of Christmas roses by steam engine ranks alongside Eisenstein and Carol Reed.

The electrifying, sizzling scenes between the two leads contrast effectively with the knife-edge politics of Balemont, and the effects of a generational clash for the King (Maxwell Caulfield) and the conniving Queen (an effortless Kelly le Brock). This is truly a film that shows the monarchy's perils and vulnerabilities. However, what might have been a sensitive topic in script is rendered with care and respect to give a beautiful representation of Balemonti culture, which might be a new experience for most viewers.

This movie is remarkable in the resolution and sense of closure that it offers the viewer. Unlike other films, we are given the further stories of supporting characters who we've become firm friends with in the literal minutes of screen-time they command in the piece.

Not only do we find out that Max was accepted to culinary school, but also that Alice manages to overcome her un-parallel blinking to become a musician and play for a Philharmonic Orchestra in Europe.

A rare glimpse of karma is shown for Todd, the heir to a used car empire, as we find that he can move on with his life, with a girl from used parts in his employ.

As for Emma and Prince Duncan, the movie offers a tantalising glimpse into a possible sequel as they begin plans for their wedding and tour the Alps in a heated motor carriage. Such consideration of the characters' further journies truly bespeaks a keen literary mind, and I, for one, am compelled to find out how Emma fits in with her new life as a Princess-to-be of the volatile European state of Balemont in Europe.

The dazzling script is complemented by Ray’s sensitive direction. Having taken the courageous decision to dress his actors like mid-90’s computer insurance salespeople (I suspect this is a nod to D’Otido’s ‘Low Budget Tosh’ school of visual aesthetic), Ray further shows his disgust with the modern world by purposefully ensuring that the cheap locations and poor lighting are shot in a jerky, disjointed way to create a slightly nauseating sensation for the viewer.

Favourite lines:

“Where is everybody? It’s deader than mother’s day at an orphanage.”

“Emma...a Christmas tree didn’t kill our parents. A car did.”

"You were right, he did turn out to be a vampire...He turned out to be a prince, with wild oats. And he would have sowed them if he wasn't tripped up."

Scored with an insinuating and unforgettable soundtrack, this remains a remarkable coup, and Ray’s finest work.

******** 8/5 stars. Bravo