Competition in a Friendship... It takes Two to Tango.

Maybe I’m the only one, but I feel like I tend to get into close friendships that often eventually develop into competitive ones. A lot of the time I feel like my friends are trying to undermine me, which bothers me, because my self-esteem is quite fragile and I would expect my friends to help me maintain it or at least not tear it down. A lot of the time, however, I think I’m just too caught up in my own mind and it turns out there was nothing wrong after all. But that is a topic for another day.

I do think that friends get jealous of each other. I’m definitely guilty!

Here's the problem:

If a friend isn’t happy for you when you succeed and it feels like you’re constantly having to one-up them — congratulations! You’re in a toxic friendship.

A friend should be someone you can tell anything, whether it’s bad or good, and not have to worry about them judging you or feasting on your failure.

And if you do well in something you shouldn’t feel like you can’t tell them. This also goes for you though. A good friendship is simple and pure. There’s no need to worry about anything, because there’s enough the outer world will give you to worry about. But don’t fret — just because a friendship is flawed doesn’t mean it’s ready for the garbage can.

People often like to blame others for problems in their relationships, but a lot of the time, we need to assess our own behaviour. What part do we have in this? If there’s competition between you and your friend, you are definitely a co-conspirator. This is a good thing. Because if we have a part in stimulating it, we also have a part in taming it.

But what if you’re the one fueling this competition? If you can’t be happy for your friend's success, maybe you just don’t like them as a person. Sometimes you just don’t like someone, but felt like you did, due to outer circumstances. Maybe this person is part of your friend group and seems well liked by everyone, which encourages you to think you should like them too.

Either way, it is important to detect why you are jealous of your friend or why you think they're jealous of you. That’s the first step to solving the problem.

Managing it:

It’s possible to change this toxic nature in your relationship. One day you’ll be worn out. You'll be tired of saying you did well in an exam when you truly didn't or of not admitting that you got your heart broken for the 100th time while they manage to somehow always be in a relationship.

You can change the way you respond to them when you feel like they are undermining you, by reacting honestly and authentically to yourself. It will give you a feeling of freedom and they might be able to reflect this. Maybe you can finally break down those weird walls getting in the way of the both of you having an authentic and loving friendship.

Fight with love and stop the competition.

Compliment them more! This is the way to show that you’re bigger than her insecurities. Maybe with things that they don't hear a lot. Give them exactly what they're asking you for. This works vice versa as well; if you find yourself being jealous of a friend, try to express love instead of jealousy by wording gratitude for them in your mind or let them know, but only if you truly mean it. If you tell yourself you’re happy for them and they deserve it, then you’ll eventually start believing it.

Help yourself. If a friend tries to compete with you, why do you take it seriously? I, personally, (at least on the surface) am scared, that someone’s trying to undermine me. But really? Are my friends that competitive? What can they truly do if they’re jealous of me?

Anyway, try to keep yourself healthy either way. You're the only one who can take care of and protect your state of mind.

If all that doesn’t work, then try talking to them. Address the problem, but really explain how you’re feeling and make sure to note that you are aware that it takes two to tango. Try to work through it with them and don’t give up too easily. However, if it seems like they don’t want to collaborate, you need to think about the next steps in this relationship.