Cocinita – Little Kitchen

In December of 2019, I graduated from college and moved back to my hometown. More specifically, I moved back home with my mother and sisters. I felt overwhelmed with my decision to do so because I had been away for four years and was not loo king forward to the changes to come.

My first few days at home were terrible. There was no designated space for me and my belongings. I had to let go of a handful of my possessions because they simply would not fit. Things I had dreamt of and later worked hard for were sold on online for half the price. It broke my heart, but it was impossible to keep all my things.

Aside from downsizing, privacy was nonexistent. My sleeping arrangement was in the living room where my sisters and mother liked to watch tv or just hang out. Guests who would come over would see the bed. Some guests would even consider my bed a seating place.

The cons of living at home were outweighing the pros and I felt the need to change my housing situation as soon as possible. I conjured a plan to stay home till March 2020. That would give me two months to secure a full-time job and save enough money so that I could move out and get my own place.

The idea of my own space kept me motivated to find a job. Which I later did. I started canvassing in late January of last year and remained with that company till the pandemic began. Once the state-lockdown was official, I was out of a job and my plans ruined. I had not saved enough money and no housing office would rent to someone without stable income, let alone without a job.

I started to stress about not having a job. I started to stress about my health and the possibility of me getting sick since I would frequently ride in public transportation. I also stressed about how the pandemic was affecting my family, most specifically my mother and sisters who lived with me. After so much stress, I became paralyzed. I was unable to conjure the strength to keep reaching for my goals of moving out and having my own space.

After what felt like forever, but was really a month, I began looking for employment online all day, every day. I would prop my laptop onto the kitchen table after having breakfast and apply to any available position I would find. It did not matter to me if I was under qualified or overqualified for the position; if it was a paying job, I would apply. I heard back from scammers before I heard back from any dignified job. No one good was hiring and I was losing hope.

To keep sanity, I started creating little affirmation cards for myself. Later, affirmation cards become zines. My curiosity for art sprung like flowers in the spring and I started to paint. I had not painted since middle school. I started spending my whole day in the kitchen creating. And I loved it.

The kitchen was perfect. The lighting in the kitchen was incredible. The room was always warm. From every angle of the kitchen widow, I would see a different tree in the neighborhood. Cats, birds, and possums alike would visit me frequently as I journaled, painted, or re-wrote my resume for the hundredth time. To top it all off, my mother and sisters would only be in the kitchen to eat or to get something so I would have the space to myself.

My mother’s kitchen gifted me the space I so desperately needed.

To look back and see how much of last year I spent in my mother’s kitchen is astonishing. And to recognize all the amazing things that happened in that kitchen and everything I gained from my time spent there is even more astonishing.

For instance, I learned so much about plants! I even grew my own babies! I learned how to cultivate aloe vera and how to effectively use it for medicinal purposes. I learned how to make tea blends.

I created so, so much art. And there was a lot of childhood healing through creating art.

Suddenly, living at home was not a problem, but a gift. And I will forever be grateful for my mother’s Cocinita, for being my sanctuary when I need it the most.