Childhood woes

There comes a time in our lives where we have to come face to face with our childhoods. No matter the walks of life we are in. And learning to live with the after-effects is sometimes the hardest thing to do. I have been on a said journey lately. And while I wouldn’t know, it was a walk in the park, except maybe Jurassic Park. I have figured and learned things about myself that have helped me understand my parents. Also understanding my husband, which has strengthened our marriage. And what they went through. And causes quite a change, especially relationship-wise.

I have learned to live with a TBI. for those of you who don’t understand what that means. It’s a Traumatic Brain Injury. I can’t claim to have one. Although it was a close call. I got hit on my head by a big rock thrown by my sister. She was furious at me about something. Neither of us remembers, but she threw it hard enough that I had to visit the hospital. It left me with a bump on my head, still. I tease my sister often about it now. You should see her blush.

A TBI is hard to live with or even deal with. Often, it feels like your brain is doing one thing and your body another. You get confused often. The thing that sucks the most is that it is one of those invisible illnesses. And it’s not the only thing that can affect us and be invisible. A lot like depression or anxiety or a wide variety of others. Just by looking at us, no one suspects.

Please, allow me to get on my soapbox here. I’m not too fond of today’s culture like, really. Many people believe nothing is wrong with the person if they can’t see an injury. And they should go on with their lives like normal. I can tell you right now it’s a wrong view on life and needs to be stopped. It is such ignorance that I cannot tolerate. I mean, come on, peoples. So much of the world’s populations in the same boat.

Why beat a dead horse, so to speak. Think about all the abuse and pain people go thru daily. You don’t think that it’s going to cause illnesses. And yet, for most people in this world. Well, they would much rather say not my problem. 

Like depression, anxiety, narcissism, and all the others. What do you expect? It to roll off like water off of a duck’s back. Um, no. That can’t happen, not by a long shot. That is not the way brains are wired.

Which makes me want to ask the biggest question of all. Have you ever thought you might cause the problem?

Ok, stepping off my soapbox.

This is a good thing to a point. It leads to a certain lapse in judgment, at least in my mind. This can explain the situation. My husband had a TBI because of an accident he had when he was a child. He had a horse step on his head. It’s a long story, and it is not mine to put down.

 Just know that I know it all, as it’s repeated in this family often. Living with him is no walk in the park, I can tell you that much. Yes, he can seem like an average person. But more often than not, he can be crazy. Of course, you have that in a lot of cases I have read.

For instance, he hates doing things around the house. Even your most basic monotonous things can set him off on a tirade. I have learned to ignore most of it. Although it worries me. For example, asking him to help with the dishes. Or even dinner can unleash a string of words that make me glad we don’t have kids yet. Also, don’t get me started on taking care of the animals. Ugh! you would swear that the world was being destroyed as soon as we ask him. Of course, it’s not, but it’s a specific synapse in his brain that isn’t working. 

Thankfully, he has hit nobody yet, including me. Or destroyed furniture or things like that. What is sad to watch is that he either refuses or can’t change. And to be frank and honest, it makes me wonder why I married him at all. But he has his sweet moments. He flirts with me often and surprises me with the most random of things.

Some holidays come with flowers, beautiful poems, and heartfelt messages. Others are often forgotten. But at least he remembers the most important one, lol. How many women out there can claim that. Dates alone with him are fantastic. We often go to a zoo nearby, and it feels like it isolates us from the world while we are there. We also usually go on walks to either the park or wander the city. At least where it’s safe to do so. 

Now, I can’t claim to speak to everybody on this topic. Since Caleb is the first person besides me, I have met to have one. I hope that as I document this marriage and interaction of mine. That someone out there will resonate with my words and take heart that they are not alone. It affects more people than the world realizes. And it’s essential to find that commonality and community around us. 

Here are a few quick tips and tricks I have learned along the way. It may not seem like it. But they are paying attention and engaging. But like with ADD, get to their level of understanding. Also, a great way to have them do chores is to tell them in detail what you want. 

I hope this helps you in your relationships in the future.