Chapter 1: Lonely Lessons

Love will have you feeling like you can fly. Its in the moment that you'd never expect when the chair gets kicked out from under you. It's never blatantly in your face to see. It sneaks up on you. It's a couple walking hand in hand. It's something you over hear on the radio, or see on the TV screen that makes you think for a split second. . . I gotta show/tell this to. . . That's the kick in the face. Its the moment you think to yourself in a depressive note... What's wrong with me? I'm so much happier now. I feel like I can breathe again. Like I can think again. BUT! I fuckin miss you. Or do I?

I hate to feel like I'm loosing my shit. To think about all the times I was mistreated. To think of the names you called me. The fact that you put so many others before me. Never stood up for me. Made think. . . made me feel . . . Like I was complete and utter trash to this world, let alone you. The times you disregarded my emotions. My pain, that you made me feel like I was wrong to be feeling, because you entertained another woman. Who was I to you? What did I mean to you? What was my purpose? That last question haunts me the most.

What was my purpose? I remember the first time you ever laid hand on my body. I was completely, and utterly. FUCKED! Why? I was hopping from relationship to relationship, and I thought "THE ONE!" had found me. I couldn't have been any further from the truth. I was already broken, and damaged from the two relationships prior to you. Supa, he shared your traits the most. Barnes, he was the first warning that I should have paid attention to. Pisces is a water sign, but y'all fire as fuck. I learned why water was the Pisces element. The words, the actions, the finesse. It all came so fluid like. Yet here I was, ignoring all the signs to run. Run in the opposite direction as fast as I could. The Latin phrase "Omne Trium Perfectum" translates to: Everything that that comes in threes is perfect, or, every set of three is complete. Y'all completely tore me to pieces. . .

I finally believe in it. Three Pisces men. Back to back entanglements turned relationship. Barnes taught me not to trust my eyes. Not everything you see is real. Supa taught me not to trust my ears. Not everything you hear is real. But Spoken. . . you taught me the best lesson. Spoken taught me not to trust my heart. Not everything you love is real. You made me question my purpose. I don't know if I can even trust myself anymore. All because I let my guard down completely for you. I bore my soul to you. Told you every secrete, every insecurity, you knew them all like the back of your hand. Then you turned it all on me.

So my purpose, I've no clue to even think where to start looking.

Spoken touched me, and made me instantly feel comfortable. It was the way he would know the right thing to say, and where exactly to touch me to make me bend to his every will. He told me "It's me and you against the world." The second lesson I learned with Supa. Don't trust your ears. I could hear him whisper in my ear. I could feel the warmth of his breath against my lobe and neck. The strength in his clutch, wrapping around me tightly like a python, yet safe like a baby in the arms of their mother. I was in danger, and it felt like peace. The calm before the storm. . .

You laid me down on the bed softly. You undressed me slowly. Then like Hurricane Sandy. . . you desecrated every part of me. My body had never felt such intense pleasure, then suddenly halted when you whispered to me "You're gunna take care of me. You're gunna be a good girl for daddy." . . .

And every time I cried myself to sleep, every time time I took you back after each woman. My body wrote a much bigger check, than what my heart and mental stability could pay for. Lonely Lessons.