Best relationship advice

I have listened to many people trying to seek relationship advice from radio shows, TV shows, social media networks, a couple who look successfully married, parents, brothers, sisters, friends, and other relatives. The big picture is that every relationship has a story. From the time that you both met to the time that you have been together or are still together. If someone asks you how you met your partner, will the story be the same as any other person’s? If someone asks you what you saw in your partner, will the story be the same as any other couple?

You will find out that one of the partners didn’t even like the other person when they first met. After several meetings then they learned that they can tolerate one another. Don’t ever listen to the saying that goes that we were both compatible or of the same interests as one another. It is very simple, you two were up for tolerating one another. This is because there are a lot of people who have even grown old together but still don’t like one or two things that their partners have been doing over the years. A perfect example would be my parents. They are now old, my dad has been smoking cigarettes ever since I was born but my mother still complains about his smoking until now. If you ask my mum what she hates she would loudly proclaim that she hates my father’s smoking and if given the chance, she can throw away all his cigarettes. This is a case of tolerance and understanding that has made them be together over all those years.

When two people meet, love is in the air. Some people even see the red flags but ignore them for the thought that after some time their partners might change.

After some time, the couple gets used to one another because they now begin to see the individual weaknesses that they never saw during the dating period. For those who are not yet married please know that dating is dating and marriage is marriage. The two are never the same and will never be the same. When dating, you both come from different places and go out together and most people try to be at their best during this period. In the marriage, the weaknesses start spilling over little by little. This is a trying time for the couple and at this stage, many people call it quits because they believe that it is not what they signed for. This stage requires a lot of tolerance and understanding otherwise headed for the rocks.

The partners start making comparisons from their past relationships, they begin seeing the weaknesses and flaws as a big deal that they cannot cope with. Many people throw in the towel at this stage because they feel that they never made the right choice. A few people hang in there because of societal factors. They feel embarrassed about what people might say about their broken homes and decide to stay with the thought of things getting better. Some also stay because the other partner is wealthy and they cannot cope on their own since they have nothing on their name. Some stay for the sake of the children. Some even stay because they are still in love with their partners who have noticed the change in lifestyle between dating and marriage and are just waiting for the other person to call it quits. At this point, I have seen people who are living together but they barely communicate or come close to one another. This is the stage where problems come in all shapes and sizes including outsiders who come in and raid the emotional tension between the couple.

At times you may find that one of the partners invites another person into his or her life to fill up the emotional space that the tension between the couple has created. Fights erupt and the tolerance ratio decreases. One person is trying to save the marriage but the other person claims to be moving on in the name of not allowing sadness and heartbreak to ruin their precious lives. This is the point where there needs to be a spiritual intervention between the couple. If they can see a marriage counselor, a pastor, or the families that they have around them maybe the marriage can be saved. At this time, people who want to save their relationships may take into listen to anyone who can help them.

My point in all this is that there is no manual for marriage or relationships. Every relationship is unique. The drivers of the connection from the beginning are the two of you. If you cannot sit down and solve this, then you will never get it to work. Even if you listen to everyone around you, the back of the relationship still stops on you. Chances are that one of the partners may decide to quit the relationship, look for a new partner in the name of moving on and get right back to the same spot in several years. It is best to face the problem and solve it as a couple since you took the chance to be together even after noticing some of the red flags at the beginning of the relationship.

Everyone is unique and no matter what happens and the relationship ends, if you were the main issue then you will carry the same into a new relationship. I had a friend who got separated from their first partner and he went on to marry another lady. After years the marriage went down the rocks. He told me that the problems that he had been running away from in the first relationship came into the second relationship two times heavier. So, according to me unless there is violence involved, then the relationship can still work. Stop talking about it to other people but find a way to sit down with your partner and solve the issue once and for all. You met that person for a reason, please don’t run away before you solve your purpose with them. No one is perfect, we try to make them seem perfect to build long-lasting relationships.