Avoid Getting Hurt by Knowing What You Want

One of the biggest favours you can do yourself is to limit the amount of negative feelings and bad energy you allow into your life. It's time to put all your effort into the people who spark joy, and leave behind the ones that don't. Acknowledge that securing your happiness and wellbeing is your job and nobody else's, so start pursuing it full time.

I think the majority of situations we find ourselves in where we have been hurt or disappointed by other people could have been avoided. Bad things can always happen, but you can greatly minimise the risk by being aware of your feelings and knowing what you want out of something. We need to stop going into friendships or relationships leaving the purpose or goal of them up to the other person or people. You can't let someone else take the wheel to your vehicle of life.

Identify what you require from the people around you. Think about what you want from your friendships, relationships and other people in your life. Do you find yourself watching movies and wishing your people were more like what you see on the screen? There's nothing wrong with ending relations that don't add anything to your life. Pay attention to how you feel around people, and notice who makes you feel the most comfortable, inspired and happy. Surround yourself with people who lift you higher and spread good energy. If you're getting bad vibes from someone or they're dragging you down, they might not be the best person to have in your life. And what do we not do? Settle.

When it comes to dating I'm sure you've either done this yourself or seen friends do it, where you go into a relationship, or lack of, without any idea of where it's going. I see it a lot where people who are looking for a relationship meet someone who doesn't want commitment, but they still start dating them to "see how it goes". When you already know you're not gonna get what you want, why would you invest yourself in it?

Out of the people in my life I think the majority of us have been in relationships where we after the breakup couldn't even understand why we dated them in the first place. Don't be mindless about the people you choose to spend your time with. Recognise what you want and whether you're getting it from them or not. If not, your time could probably be spent with someone who can give it to you.

I think sex is another great example of what I'm trying to say. You often hear people try putting their exes down by saying the sex was bad or even that they had faked it to pretend it was good. This is an incredibly weak insult in my eyes, as it's not really their fault. If the sex is bad but you pretend to enjoy it, how on earth are they supposed to know? Use your words.

Sexual education varies a lot depending on where you're from. I'm lucky enough to be from a country where it's taken seriously, but although it's of good quality we were never taught about communication and experimenting your way to good sex. The way sex is presented makes it sound like it's gonna automatically be good and doesn't require work or practice. This is something we have to learn on our own, but you really need to work with your partner(s) to achieve satisfaction for everyone involved. Don't waste your time having bad sex, and definitely don't fake it and then blame them. Communication is key.

This goes for all areas of your life, and applies to everything you spend your time on. If something could be better, put in the work and effort to improve it, or leave it behind. Don't settle for mediocre, and don't continue bad or unfulfilling friendships and relationships just to avoid confrontation. If you're gonna put the most valuable thing you have, your time, into something, then it had better be worth it.

Taking control of your own life, making sure your friendships and relationships are fulfilling and being aware and present so that you don't waste your time on meaningless things, are goals we should all set ourselves for 2021, and for all the years to come. You owe it to yourself to spend your time being as happy as you can be.

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