Authoritarian Parents, Hyper-Protective Parents, Ultra-Permissive Parents, and Indifferent Parents

Parents form their parental style over time, depending on their personality, their principles and values, their perspective on the child's upbringing and discipline, their own childhood experiences, even depending on the child's way of being and the nature of the relationship. with this (the same parents may adopt somewhat different parenting styles with two different children).

Although in theory parental styles are defined and fall into certain distinctive categories, the reality is that most parents cannot fit strictly into one style - adopting various elements informing their style.

Which is a good thing, because if there's one lesson any parent needs to learn, it's that extremes are never appropriate when it comes to parenting.

In theory, the extremes in parenting styles refer to authoritarian parents - adherents of strict discipline; hyper-protective parents - who are overly involved and "suffocate" the child; ultra-permissive parents - which leaves the child excessive freedom; and indifferent parents - who are barely involved in the child's upbringing and discipline in his life.

Given these theoretical categories of parenting styles, it becomes clear why extremes are never a good option in parenting and discipline, and also why it is good for a parent to take elements from each (a dose of authority; and protection of the child's freedom and independence).

About extremes in parenting styles:

Authoritarian parents are adherents of a strict style of discipline, which presupposes the existence of a clear set of rules and consequences of breaking the rules. In general, discipline focuses on compliance with the rules and punishment. It is often an inflexible style - no deviation from the requirements of the parents is accepted and there is no negotiation with the child.

Parents want to have almost total control over their child's life, monitoring all aspects of their life. The child's independence is limited - he is not often allowed to make decisions and choices on his own, having to seek parental permission.

Discipline is more important than affection (which does not mean that parents do not love their child, but prefer to be tougher with him, not to "pamper" him). Expectations from the child are clear and high, and communication is done in a usual way: from parent to child (parent speaks, the child listens).

What can this extreme lead to in parenting styles? First, to the emotional distancing of the child, who may feel that he is not receiving affection; secondly, the child's inability to decide and act on his own - he is taught to depend on others and to always ask the permission and opinion of others; in rebellion - with age, the child will rebel and will be at increased risk of adopting excessive behaviors as a sign of protest and independence (in the extreme, a suggestive metaphor: the child raised in a harsh and authoritarian style will demands freedom, like a prisoner held in a cell for too long and who escapes and shakes his head!).

Hyperprotective parents (another term that refers to this parental style is "helicopter parent") are those parents who are overly involved in the child's life, which limits their independence not out of a desire to discipline them, but out of a desire to protect them. any dangers, to always protect him.

The way of discipline is, similar to the authoritarian style, inflexible, there are clear rules, which are meant to protect the child from evil and "wrong steps". Parents feel that only they can know what is best for the child and that they are the only ones who can decide for him.

The child is at the center of the concerns of hyper-protective parents, who have high expectations of him but who, instead of teaching him to be independent, do things for him, helping him more than he should. These parents, driven by their fears, feel the need to have control and know everything about the child's life - moreover, to decide almost everything for him. The condition is very important to them - but they end up "suffocating" the child.

What can this extreme lead to in parenting styles? First of all, in a child dependent on the support and help of others, who does not trust his strength; to a fearful, anxious child, who is afraid of challenges and who immediately seeks outside help; to a child who does not know what decisions to make; and to a child who may have resentment towards the parents who suffocated him, moving away from them.

Ultra-permissive parents (who are often child-friendly parents) give the child a large (too large) margin of freedom; they are followers of communication and the encouragement of independence, but unfortunately,y they forget that a child does not yet have an increased capacity for discernment and decision.

The rules are permissive, flexible, and are often created with the child - he has the right to veto. This excessive permissiveness is based on the principle "let him do what he wants, be himself, discover his qualities, make his own decisions and make the mistakes he learns from." Expectations are not too high: the child is accepted as he is, no matter how successful he is in life.

Ultra-permissive parents often pamper their children, giving them whatever they want. Affection is an important element in this parenting style: parents clearly show that they love their child no matter what they do (which in itself is good, but without allowing the child to do anything!).

What can this extreme lead to in parenting styles? First of all, in a child who does not respect his parents, who can easily lose control over him ("naughty" child); to a spoiled, selfish, and egocentric child, who believes himself to be the center of the universe and who finds it normal to be pleased; to a child who thinks he is special, but who will be shocked as soon as he sees that others do not value him and appreciate him as parents (hence, frustration); to a child with learning difficulties and compliance with the rules; to a child who will avoid challenges and efforts, always preferring the easiest path.

Permissive parents and the child

Indifferent parents (negligent parents) are too little involved in the upbringing, discipline, in life of the child in general. It is concerned with meeting their basic needs - the material ones, sometimes offering them many material advantages precisely to compensate for their lack of active and emotional involvement. They impose some basic rules, which are considered "normal" in any family but do not worry too much to see if the child follows the rules.

They are permissive - but indifferently, the affection not being visible in the relationship with the child. He devotes his attention and time to other aspects - usually his career. It is generally involved if there is an important issue or decision related to the child's life - otherwise, it seems that they believe that as long as they offer shelter, food, clothes, various items, and money, they have fulfilled their parental duty (consider that discipline and education are rather the duty of educational institutions).

What can this extreme lead to in parenting styles? To a child who feels neglected, unappreciated and thus lacks self-esteem (sometimes he comes to believe that he does not deserve parental attention); in a child who adopts various negative behaviors to attract attention; in a child with emotional problems, with difficulties in showing affection towards others (or, in other cases, in a child who is desperately looking for a trace of affection from other people, emotionally "bonding" with anyone who seems to accept ); and often in a depressed child.