Are you for me?

First of all, I love you.

You are a confidant and have positively moved me. I couldn't possibly be more grateful for our relationship.

So, why did I recently distance myself and unfollow you on social media?

Well, mostly because this is a very numbing time for me, and I'm emotional and acted out of emotion.

We've spent time together in some of the most in-depth conversations, whether it's on the phone or in person. Because we're friends, you know some of my views on social injustice, particularly racial injustice.

I'm not here to preach to you, but I do want to say that my pain, my fears, my rage, and what it feels like to live in a constant state of survival may not wholly be understood.

If you've been paying attention, you'll know that other people of color and I are not being viewed nor treated as equals. This isn't a system that doesn't want me and other black people to make strides of improvement. It makes every effort to eliminate us. They want me, the person you consider a friend, dead.

During this time, I've come to realize that I don't need friends to prove my worth nor status. I can no longer make room mentally, emotionally, or physically for seasonal part-time friendships, hi and goodbye friendships, and friends who see me as just their "black" sidekick. Friends who shy away from talking about "that" and friends who are afraid to be uncomfortable, just wouldn't cut it during these times. I don't want friends anymore. I need partners.

With that said, I looked at who was around me. I looked at who made an effort to speak up and who didn't. After watching many of my friends ignore the problem and be silent, I unfollowed and limited the time I shared with them. Not because I don't care for them or hate them. Its because at that moment, I felt like my friends didn't want to help speak up for not just me but equal human rights. For the record, I could care less about who someone worships, vote for, or even their sexual orientation. But human rights should be across the board. This isn't a black against white thing. It's everyone against racism.

I honestly felt like you didn't care about the problem nor me. And to be fair, I should have spoken up and reached out instead of acting rowdy out of emotion. I take full responsibility for not slowing down to think & contact you and have that deep conversation to not only know how you felt and see how you were doing but to express how I felt as well. I know you are a kind-spirited person and wouldn't purposely turn your back on a friend. After noticing what I have done and how this may affect the people on the other side, I deactivated and logged out of everything. Emotions & social media do not mix.

I never wanted to hurt our friendship nor hurt you. I just wanted to know if my friend was for me.

Respectfully,

Emotional Black Woman.