An Open Love Letter to My Students

To My Students,

I love you all so much. All 1,100 of you!

I don’t know if you realize how much it means to me that you have put your trust and faith in me for the past 16 years. As your school counselor, I have come to know so many of you on a level that only a few other privileged souls will ever know. It means the world to me, and I thank you for that.

You are my heroes. Each and every one of you! Your courage and strength has been an inspiration to me and has driven me to expand myself and continue to learn about emotions and feelings, something we didn’t talk about back in my day.

In my day, no-one would have ever thought about reaching out for help. In my day, things were kept hidden, and kids just remained quiet.

You will never understand just how much you have helped me by letting me help you. How connecting with you has opened my heart and allowed me to see the world in a new way.

You’ll never know how many times I smiled to myself over dinner thinking about something you said, or how cute you were when you laughed at my jokes. You’ll never know just how much I wanted to pick you up and hold you and take you home, knowing very well I couldn't, but wanting none-the-less. You’ll never know how many times I prayed for you.

You’ll also never know how many times I cried at night, worrying about you, and how when I saw your smiling face the next day at school I felt relief knowing you were ok. How, when I walked down to the lunchroom and saw you sitting with other kids laughing and smiling, the heaviness in my heart lifted. You’ll never know how many times I almost drifted off to sleep, when a memory of you from earlier that day popped into my mind, and jolted me awake. You’ll never know what you mean to me and how much I care about you.

That is why I’m writing. I want you to know.

I want you to know how much you have helped me. How your beautiful and courageous souls have given me hope. There were so many times I went to work, not feeling motivated or inspired, suffering in some way in my own life, and you came into my office to change my world. My focus shifted from me to you, and you were my priority, and together we would conquer the day.

Somehow the heaviness in my heart, and the loss of hope I was feeling that morning would shift into something beautiful. I found a passion inside of me that even I didn’t understand. My heart opened, and the only thing that mattered to me was you. It was so important to me that you felt better. All of a sudden I had hope and believed in the world again. I believed in hope and happiness and wanted you to believe in it too.

And so we would talk. We would talk about how important it is to recognize our emotions and understand what we are feeling. We would talk about managing emotions and coping strategies and how to value ourselves. And all this time, you were reminding me. You were reminding me, and encouraging me, and motivating me, and you never knew. You never knew how much you taught me.

You never knew how you taught me that there is never a time to give up, and that life is precious, and that the blue sky outside my office window was something to be appreciated. You never knew how you reminded me to breathe and to list all of the wonderful things about ourselves in a journal. You never knew how you reminded me to focus on what is right in our lives and to not give attention to what is wrong. You never knew how you helped me see the world again in the way it truly is, a bright beautiful world full of love and hope and nature and laughter and friends.

We would talk, you and I, but mostly we would connect and believe that life can be good.

We would talk about how valuing ourselves is the most important thing, and that we are worth it. I would tell you that it doesn’t matter what other people think, and that I understand that it’s a hard thing to do, but that you should keep trying. And then I would remember that I should do the same. I would help you find things in yourselves that other kids don’t see, and I would again see those things in me.

“The most valuable trait in a human being, in my opinion, is kindness” I would say. “That is a gift.” And I would believe it with you, and we would feel good knowing we possess that trait.

Sometimes it would take awhile, before you could see anything in yourself you liked. But I was persistent. And as we uncovered your value, I uncovered mine. We understood each other, and we believed together that we are good and that life is beautiful.

You are still scared sometimes, and I understand. So am I.

I never wanted to tell you this because I had to be brave. I had to lead the way. I had to be the one who showed you that we can do it. I had to overcome all of my internal conflicts and resolve all of my past trauma because I wanted you to believe. I wanted you to believe, as much as I wanted to believe, that we can do this.

You have been through so much. So much unimaginable trauma. So much more than I could have ever handled. Yet you come to school every day, even if you had no-one that morning to help you, you come to school and you hope. You hope and you believe because you are resilient. You hope for a better tomorrow, and you have faith that healing is possible, because somehow you dig deep into your soul and you move forward.

I want you to know how much I admire you. I want you to know how many times I have looked into those beautiful eyes that reflected all of the fear, hope, love, and kindness we all feel and have been thankful to have known you. I have always believed in you, and want to remind you how much power you have in just being you.

So many years I have helped you while you have helped me, but all the while I still hide sometimes. I am afraid that if you see me for who I am, and for all of my own vulnerabilities that you will give up and think that I can’t help you because I’m not perfect. That you will think how can someone who is not perfect possibly help me? That you will think there is always going to be pain. and that you will want to give up.

I am writing now to tell you that it is through the pain, yours and mine, that we work towards joy. That feelings make us real, and that being vulnerable takes courage, and that without you I would not have realized all of this. It is important for you to feel. It is important for me to feel.

I want to thank you all again so much for helping me on my journey to find myself. I know that I find myself when I am with you. You sharing your feelings with me helps me to know at my soul level that you are here for me, and that I am here for you.

You are all so brave. You truly are my heroes. Thank you for helping me see the beauty in every day, in every sunset, and in every feeling. And please don’t ever give up on yourselves. Please, please, don’t stop being you!

Love Forever and Always,

Ms. Largen