Active Listening - 5 Steps to Becoming a Better Listener

Have you ever talked to someone and felt that the person was not listening to you, with your attention focused elsewhere - on your laptop or phone, trying to solve several tasks at the same time?

Or have you met people who instead of listening to you and what you have to say - direct the discussion to their problems, to a similar situation they have faced in the past?

The chances that the answers to these questions will be positive are quite high if we consider the number of gadgets around us, the speed with which things happen in business, busy schedules, our impatience, and perhaps lack of ability to listen effectively.

Many of us feel that we are good listeners - at work, with friends, or with family. If we ask those around us (you can take a test), their feedback may not be at the same level as our own. The reality, whether we like to admit it or not, is that most of the time we don't pay enough attention to our listening skills.

But why is it important to know how to listen in a business environment where results, profitability, performance, and other similar indicators prevail?

I invite you to think of a person you consider to be a good listener; how do you feel when you talk to that person Maybe among your answers are words like trust, respect, attention (undivided), real support, a special connection. This is repeated whenever we listen effectively.

Relationships improve, communication becomes more fluid, trust in the organization grows, problems and conflicts resolve faster, and the degree of innovation and sharing of good ideas increases.

Listening is important whether we are talking about the manager-subordinate relationship or a business relationship, sales, or building a partnership. Only through active listening will we be able to truly understand who we are communicating with and thus create a climate of trust that promotes cooperation and communication.

Without listening and trust, how can we step into a space where the other person listens to our proposals and solutions? We must first take a step back and listen to him to gain our credibility as a trusted partner.

This is how a seemingly insignificant skill strongly influences the relationships within an organization, as well as its results and performance. So how can we become better listeners? Here are some ideas that I hope will help you.

1. Pay attention to nonverbal language

You probably already know that nonverbal language is very important in the way you communicate - both to understand what your interlocutor is conveying and to make you aware of what you are conveying. Learn to "read" the clues generated by non-verbal behaviors that tell you to start, continue, move on, or stop in a dialogue. Pay attention to your face, eyes, hands, feet, and body position.

If the person in front of you is tense, is too quiet, helmeted, looks away, stays away from you - maybe you should stop; you're probably not in the right direction. If, on the other hand, your interlocutor has a smiling, friendly, approving face, his arms are relaxed and open, there is natural eye contact - go ahead, you are on the right track!

2. Ask the right questions without question

Effective listening involves asking questions - the lack of questions can be a sign of disinterest or superficial listening. But avoid falling into the opposite trap - a barrage of questions that suffocate, drive away or even attack. Use open-ended questions to encourage communication and creativity, such as "Why do you think that?" or "How would you solve this problem?"

Ask closed-ended questions to limit the conversation or get specific information: "Do you agree to stop now and make a decision?" Urgent questions help you to encourage the other person to go on: "Can you tell me more about this situation?"

3. Mirror the feelings of the one you are listening to

People make decisions and react by being strongly influenced by emotions. And yes, this applies to clients, subordinates, or managers! It is important to know how to capture the speaker's emotions - as we perceive them - carefully and delicately.

An example might be, "I think you're nervous. Is that true? Would you like to have this discussion tomorrow?" or "I see you are happy with the results. Is that so?"

4. Maintain consistency and subject matter on the person speaking using paraphrasing and summarizing

Paraphrasing helps you not to move the discussion about yourself (yes, it's tempting!), But especially to show that you understand the meaning behind the words.

Explain with the words and phrases used by the speaker what was said: "I would like to make sure I understood what you said. Do you think that … Is it correct?" Here the key is not to confuse the words and give them a different interpretation.

The summary will help you show that you have understood the conclusions of a longer or more complex discussion. In summary, it is not important to use the same words, rather pay attention to the main ideas and the order of what was said. "Do you agree to set the next steps? From what we have discussed the main conclusions would be …"

5. Present practice, pay full attention to the person you are listening to

Listening is not a passive process, but an active one that requires attention and concentration, as well as space created for the person speaking. Imagine a glass of water in which we pour and pour water; at some point if we continued the water would flow.

So do we when we don't listen - we no longer have "inner space" for others.

What if you gave up on things that distract you (phone, laptop) when you want to have a good quality dialogue with someone?

What would it be like to make time for the people around you (even by reserving it in your agenda) so that you can listen to them? Or to create "oases" of personal peace through which to acquire that space necessary to be able to listen to others and the problems they face?

It may seem complicated, but listening, like any skill, can be practiced and learned. Start step by step, choose an aspect where you know you need "grinding" and find a partner in this learning process.

I invite you to explore your ways to become a better listener and ways to give your full attention to those around you. I believe that the results in terms of relationships with those around you will not be long in coming. Good luck!