About Verbal Abuse in Couple, How Does It Appear and What Are the Effects Felt in the Relationship?

Verbal abuse in the couple: a reality much more frequent than we imagined; even in your relationship, you may have been abused or verbally abused by your partner! When we hear the term "abuse," we think of something serious: but verbal abuse refers to any words that hurt, humiliate, or offend a person. And the words spoken by the loved one have the greatest impact…

The power of a word: painful or offensive words in a couple do so much harm and yet we sometimes use them when we are too irritated, tired, frustrated, angry… It sometimes happens in a couple to say words to our partner that we don't you believe them, words that you would then like to withdraw. But when can we talk about verbal abuse?

What is verbal abuse in a couple:

First of all, we can talk about verbal abuse when the words that hurt the partner are said with this intention and are not a simple escape from anger. Destructive words, to hurt or humiliate the other. Words that attack the partner - as a couple, the partners know their weaknesses, so the one who wants to attack will know exactly what to say to hurt, hit the target.

Verbal abuse can refer to the constant criticism of the partner - to make him think that he is not good enough, to frequently point out his weaknesses and defects. This type of abuse can start extremely subtly, so that it is not even noticed: through sarcastic jokes and remarks, through insulting nicknames and nicknames but said in a joking tone.

Then the criticisms and corrections of the other can come more and more often - and if the other person reacts, he is told that he is too sensitive, that these criticisms would be for his good.

Verbal abuse can refer to blaming your partner for anything - even the things he or she is complaining about. "Because of you it happens to…", "if you don't have…, I wouldn't …". Slowly, the person is manipulated until he comes to believe that anything that goes wrong is his fault.

Verbal abuse can refer to manipulation through threats - more or less subtle; these are used to gain total control over the partner, telling him what bad consequences can occur. They can be subtle threats, they can be in the form of jokes, or they can be very serious, threats like "if you keep doing this, maybe I won't come home anymore", "if you do this, I don't see why to stay with you "etc.).

Verbal abuse in the couple, therefore, does not only refer to screaming, serious insults, and serious threats. It is a subtle form of abuse, which can often manifest itself in the form of jokes, sarcastic remarks, offensive nicknames, and veiled threats.

But those words are always uttered with the purpose and intention of hurting the other, and the other's feelings are always completely ignored. Sometimes, it is not necessarily the words themselves, but the way they are uttered: in the form of orders, accusations, attacks.

What are the effects of verbal about in a couple:

Precisely because it is often so subtle, verbal abuse can be accepted for a long time by the partner, who will excuse the other: "he did not intend to say that"; although the words spoke hurt or humiliate him, the abused partner prefers to find justifications and forget.

But when it comes to verbal abuse, it will be repeated - and soon (in addition, it tends to get worse). Because the one who uses abuse does it intentionally, seeking to impose himself, to gain control over his partner, making him believe what he tells him.

The attacking words (referring to the person's appearance, abilities, traits, behaviors) are meant to undermine the other person, to decrease his self-confidence. And a prolonged abuse has exactly this effect: the abused will come to believe that what he hears is true, that he is not good enough, that there is something wrong with him.

He slowly becomes addicted to his abusive partner, fearing that he will be abandoned by him (his self-confidence has already been destroyed, he will think that he does not deserve something better and that he will not find someone better). At this point, the abusive partner has complete control - he can ask for anything and can do almost anything.

The trap with verbal abuse in the couple is the fact that it starts easily, it is accepted at first, after which the abused one gets used to the state of affairs.

At first, he may react to the painful words spoken by his partner - but in the end, he will give up attacking in turn because this leads to ugly quarrels; or will continue to attack, leading to a situation of mutual verbal abuse!

When you find verbal abuse in a couple:

Do not accept to be hurt or humiliated - tell your partner immediately that you will not hear such things, tell them that they are hurting and offending you and that if this is their behavior, then they do not know what a couple is;

Do not react aggressively in turn: you will end up abusing each other; when you are attacked, the best reaction is neither the attack nor the defense, but to calmly stop the attack (either by telling him that you do not accept such things or by leaving the room);

Try not to be affected - follow your partner; instead, keep your cool and say you will not agree to be treated this way;