A New Start

The insistent buzzing of her cell phone on the bedside table woke her. She recognized the number immediately. “Hello? Wait… what? Oh no… I…,” she struggled to make the words come, to form sentences that made sense. “Where? Okay, I am on my way….”

Less than a half-hour later, she was in a cab.

******

It was early April, the time of year when Michigan starts waking up from its long winter sleep. The last of the snow had melted, the sun shone brightly, and the birds were just beginning their spring chorus. Karen enjoyed going out that day without her winter coat, so her step was already light when she entered the coffee shop. Turning towards her was Stephen. As Karen saw him in profile, her heart jumped in her chest, and her immediate thought was, “Oh my goodness, it’s been so long….” But the thought trailed away, because Karen knew she had never met this man before. He saw Karen, smiled, and said, “Karen?” as he extended his hand to shake hers. She nodded, unable to speak.

Karen’s heart was hammering away, and she had no idea why. Why was she so instantly drawn to him? Why did she feel like she had seen an old friend who had been missing from her life for years? He was handsome, but not irresistibly so. He was no Denzel Washington or Kevin Costner. Karen took her coffee, took a deep breath, and walked over to Stephen’s table. She hoped she wouldn’t spill her coffee with her suddenly shaky hands. She managed to make it safely, and sat down to meet the man she hoped would be her new boss. A venture capitalist who specialized in sustainable technologies, Stephen’s organization interested Karen. She had been looking for a change from her public relations job, and she hoped this would be a good fit.

Stephen started by telling her a little bit about his philosophy and his company. He explained that most of the people in his organization were contractors – accountants and lawyers he worked with; a team of subject matter experts he consulted on potential investments; and, up until now, only virtual assistants. However, he felt that it was time he had someone actually in the office, and he was looking for an applicant with a wide range of skills. While he did need the usual administrative tasks of scheduling and typing correspondence, he also wanted someone with writing, editing, and marketing experience. Karen felt she met most of the requirements and, as the conversation moved along, she thought Stephen might agree with her. She found him incredibly easy to talk to, and they had several key issues that they connected on.

After almost two hours of conversation, Stephen stood up, shook her hand, and told her he would be in touch. Karen felt a shock of electricity run up her arm and into her heart as he touched her hand and smiled. She left feeling breathless and perplexed.

******

Two days later, when her phone rang with Stephen’s number, her excitement had less to do with the job than the opportunity to talk to him again. When he invited her to come to his office to see it and discuss the position further, she was naturally pleased, but the reality of the situation was she just wanted to see him another time. She had been analyzing their conversation over and over; thinking about the strange familiar feeling she had when she was with him; and even vaguely wondering if perhaps he had the same feeling about her. When she caught herself going down that path, she would shake her head and huff out her breath, and then find herself thinking the same things shortly afterwards.

She drove over to his house eager to see if her strange memories of their first meeting were accurate. When he opened the door to let her in, she felt the breath whoosh from her lungs. She knew she had never met him before, but the attraction she felt was as strong as ever.

He led her to the back of the house to a well-lit room with a back wall filled with tall windows that stretched to the ceiling. The bright spring sun shone in and reflected off the polished wood floor. Both side walls were floor-to-ceiling bookcases that were packed full, and in the middle of the room stood a large desk that held only a laptop computer on its docking station and a monitor. Karen was surprised by how neat the desk was and wondered vaguely if Stephen had another room in the house where he actually did his work.

There was plenty of room for a second desk to fit into the office. Stephen talked about where he would put it; that he would buy a laptop for her; and what additional supplies did she think she needed to get started. “Does this mean I have the job?” she asked.

“Well, that depends on whether we can agree on your salary,” he responded. When he threw out the number he was thinking of, Karen’s breath once again whooshed from her lungs, but this time from surprise.

“I think that would be very acceptable,” she responded.

“Wonderful,” he said. “Can you start a week from Monday?”

******

The first day she came to work for Stephen, he was already at his desk. He looked up as she walked in, smiled warmly and said, “Everything is ready for you.”

On her desk was a laptop; a small vase of flowers that had a “Welcome” card in bright yellow attached to them; several pens and office tools in a beautiful dark wood pen holder that matched her desk; and on top of her laptop, was a small, black notebook. The flowers were lovely, but the notebook intrigued her. She suspected all of the other supplies she had requested were carefully put away. Why was this notebook sitting here?

Curious, she picked it up and opened it. In neat script was written, “Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. –Archbishop Desmond Tutu”

She looked up from the notebook to find Stephen watching her. She looked at him with a question, and he said, “Use the notebook however you like. Just promise me that every day, you will find one good thing to write down. It can be a quote, something that made you smile, a victory here at the office… It doesn’t matter, just pick one thing.”

The days working for Stephen flew by. Talking with Stephen was easy. He made her laugh, usually at completely ridiculous jokes. She felt invigorated by her job, felt valued by Stephen, and felt maybe she was making just a tiny difference in the world through the work they did. And every day, she found at least one good thing to write in her notebook.

In November, Stephen walked into the office holding the hand of a petite brunette. She had friendly blue eyes and a genuine smile. From the look of her neat suit and polished heels, she had just come from work. Stephen smiled and said, “Karen, I’d like you to meet my fiancée, Christine.”

Karen sat frozen at her desk for what seemed like an eternity, and in that moment, she realized that the one person she loved more than anything else in the world would never be hers. Somehow she forced herself to stand up and say, “It’s so nice to meet you!” Karen heard the blood roaring in her ears, and a thousand thoughts crowded her mind. How had she not known about Christine? Had Stephen mentioned her before, and Karen had chosen to ignore it? Had she not, in the 6 months she had worked for him, asked about his family or his social life? Had Stephen been hiding Christine from her? Oh my heavens – had he been playing Karen this whole time?

“Karen?” Stephen’s voice brought her back to the present moment. “I think we’re done for the day. See you Monday?”

“Um, sure!” Karen responded. “Have a great weekend!” With that, she grabbed her briefcase and fled from the room.

She wasn’t even out of the driveway before the sobbing started. She didn’t know what she thought her relationship with Stephen had been, but she certainly had not expected this. She got as far as the first red light on her way home and then sat in her car on the side of the road, rocking back and forth as she cried. The only thought she could summon was, “Oh, please…..” over and over again.

She spent the weekend huddled in her apartment, on the couch, under a blanket, mindlessly watching TV. She couldn’t think, couldn’t eat, and barely slept. Most of all, she couldn’t stand the thought of returning to the office Monday morning. Sunday night, she texted Stephen to say she had a family emergency that required her to leave town. In his normal fashion, he responded that if she needed anything, she should just call, and he hoped everything would be okay.

Monday, she boarded a plane to Washington D.C.

******

Now, five years later, she found herself making the return trip. She was able to get on a 6 a.m. flight from D.C. to Detroit. From there, she would pick up her rental car and drive to Ann Arbor. Her heart was frozen with the thought of what she might find when she arrived.

She walked through the door of the University of Michigan hospital and headed straight to the room Christine had given her over the phone. She was sitting in a chair by the bed, holding Stephen’s hand. His eyes were closed, as if he were simply sleeping. Christine looked up through tear-filled eyes as Karen walked in. She practically ran to hug Karen. “Oh, he would be so glad you are here! You meant so much to him!” Karen felt her own tears start to flow as she hugged Christine back. She didn’t want to be in this room, but she also knew that her heart would never have let her stay away.

When Christine finally released her, Karen walked to the side of the bed. She looked down at the man she still loved and touched his cold hand. “How long?” she asked.

“The doctor says less than 24 hours now,” Christine responded, and again the two women embraced as they cried. This time, when they pulled apart, Christine said, “There’s one more reason I asked you to come. Steve wanted to give you a gift. He was so impressed by your dedication to his mission, that he left you a million dollars. There are no strings attached to it – the money is yours to do with as you wish. But I know he hoped you would consider investing it into projects like his.” At this news, Karen fell heavily into the chair Christine had been sitting in and sobbed. The enormous cost of the gift she was receiving and the immense trust Stephen had put in her collided in her heart and sent shrapnel through her entire body. She wondered if she would ever be able to breathe again.

******

Stephen was buried at Arlington Cemetery. After the funeral, Karen drove down George Washington Parkway, the late afternoon sun filtering through her windshield, warming the inside of the car. Across the Potomac, she could see the beauty of Washington, D.C., its monuments, its important buildings, Georgetown University coming into view around the bend. As she blinked the soft tears from her eyes, she pulled a well-worn, black notebook out of her jacket pocket and wrote, “This isn’t a bad place to make a new start.”