A New Day, a New Mask - The Psychology of Lying as a Social Binder

Have you ever wondered who we really are? How much of the person I see around me corresponds to inner reality and how much is just a facade, a mask that certain circumstances cause us to "activate" automatically?

Is it true that our actions are largely conditioned by the expectations and reactions of others and that the image we project in their eyes is often quite different from the one revealed to us when we give up the "clothes" of conventions? social issues that we are obliged to wear?

It is a well-known and generally accepted fact that in the presence of others we behave in a certain way, we act according to pre-established patterns, leaving only glimpses of what we really are.

No matter who we are and at what point in our lives, we all wear masks, which we strive so hard to make seem as real as possible, that they become an integral part of our person and life.

We all know that a mask is an object that covers, partially or completely, the face of a person, in order to hide his identity. Presence in people's lives since ancient times has undergone many variations both in terms of appearance and in terms of symbolism.

In some cases, the mask mimics renders some natural features or closely follows the contours of reality, and in other cases, it is an abstraction. Being endowed with superior intellectual abilities, man only had to adapt the symbolism of the mask to his needs, transforming it into a "screen" meant to prevent prying eyes from entering his inner world.

But where does man's somewhat intrinsic need to hide certain fragments of his identity come from? Where does the fear of having read his thoughts and revealing some feelings or intentions come from? Psychologists believe that the explanation lies in the desire and need to be accepted by others.

Moreover, the American psychologist Abraham Maslow was of the opinion that each individual acts under the influence of a general pyramid of needs. According to this theory, after meeting the physiological needs at the base of the pyramid and considered indispensable to survive, the individual can focus on the needs of security, which ensures stability and consistency in a relatively chaotic world.

Once they are satisfied, the need for love and belonging automatically becomes a priority. Therefore, no one can realize himself as a person without a sense of acceptance and belonging to the group, which gives him security and self-confidence.

That being said, masks obviously become a defense mechanism that we activate whenever we deem it necessary to hide those moral, behavioral defects, flaws, or imperfections that would lead to peer disapproval.

Only when we are alone, and maybe not even then, do we have the courage to take off our masks and stand face to face with ourselves, and only then the unspoken words, thoughts, and hidden feelings, crowded with care, even fear, through the corners of our soul, give the navy, insistently claiming the right to a previously denied existence.

I already know what you're going to say: if we admit that each of us wears a mask meant to hide our true identity, we have to admit that human relationships are almost entirely based on lies and concealment, which is not exactly worthy. and honorable. How can we ensure the respect and approval of others in these conditions?

Research and studies on the psychology of lying have revealed that this is a common and complex phenomenon that is part of everyday life. Although lying harms relationships and destroys people's trust in their peers, there are situations in which they perform important social and interpersonal functions.

Leonard Saxe, a psychology professor at Brandeis University, points out that most people receive contradictory messages about lying. Although we are educated from an early age to believe that it is necessary and commendable to always tell the truth, in reality, society often encourages lying and even rewards deception.

Everyday life certainly offers us many conclusive examples in this regard: if you are late in the morning at a meeting, it is probably not the best idea, to be honest, and confess that you have not heard the alarm clock. "You will be punished much more severely than if you lied saying you were stuck in traffic," Saxe notes.

The irony is that we are all aware that there are certain moments and circumstances in life when we have to lie, but we gladly accept this reality, as long as it helps us to create and strengthen a bond between ourselves and those around us.

Like actors caught in an exchange of previously learned and repeated lines, who masterfully interpret their role to gain the final appreciation and applause of the audience, we also play our part on the stage of life, expecting the same appreciation from our peers.