A Letter To You

Dear You,

I wanted to thank you for all you’ve done for us. You carry so much—worries, memories, the weight of past regrets and future anxieties—and I know it’s heavy. But through it all, I’m grateful for your commitment to keep us moving forward, even when things have been tough.

I know we've been through a lot of stuff together, and not all of it good. I wanted to write to you, to let you know, that despite all the troubles you've caused us both, I am still here and still alive and that's thanks to you. You never once decided to take the easy way out, and no matter how often you make life more challenging than it already is if you did nothing at all, you still try to pull yourself up, pull us up, and keep going.

2024 wasn’t our easiest year, not by a long shot. But let me reassure you—it wasn’t our worst either, and plenty of good things happened along the way. I know it’s hard for anyone else to understand what it’s like to carry our experiences and thoughts. But I’m here, and I understand completely. When I say I know, I mean it. You and I share the same journey, and there’s no one else who gets it quite like we do.

As you will know when you finish this letter, I know what it's like to be in your position. I started 2024, just as I have done every other year of our 44+ years of our life, in your shoes. For better or worse. So, when I say I know. You can take that as a guarantee and not some well-meaning, if wishy-washy platitude.

Thank you for getting us through another year. Sometimes, just living—getting from morning to night—is all we can manage, and that’s okay. We should strive for more, of course. But that doesn’t mean you should be so hard on yourself when the weight of it all feels too much, when all you want to do is shut the world out. Living each day, even when it feels aimless, is enough. I’m grateful that you stayed with us, especially through the moments when it might have been easier to give in to darker thoughts.

There will be mistakes, but there always are. Mistakes are not a problem. It’s what you do with them afterwards. You know that, but it’s worth remembering that.

It’s no light or insignificant thing to say that because you didn’t make any foolish decision with a knife, alcohol or pills, that I am still here. They may never have gotten strong, those desires, but you can’t kid a kidder. I’ve been where you are, remember? Living, even if it feels like you’ve just meandered from morning to night with no real purpose, is sometimes all you can do. Should we strive for more? Of course we should. But that doesn’t mean you should beat yourself up when it feels beyond your capabilities, especially when you are feeling low and just want to shut the world out.

Looking back on what we wrote this year makes me smile. You put so much effort into your work, and even though I won’t spoil any surprises about wins or setbacks, know this: each word you wrote mattered, and you’ll see why. I’m grateful you chose to keep writing, to keep creating, because it all added up to something meaningful.

And things will get better with Ruth. It won’t always be like when we first got married, but you’ll rediscover moments of that connection you shared 22 years ago. You’ll also find common ground with the boys—not a ‘best mates’ kind of closeness, but a comfortable, respectful bond. It’s not perfect, but it’s progress, and that’s worth everything.

As I sit here in November 2024, I’m grateful for every choice you made to keep us going. We haven’t rewritten our story or transformed everything overnight, but we’re better off now than we were a year ago, and that’s worth celebrating. Keep facing the challenges, knowing that your creativity, your humour, and your resilience will carry you through. Here’s to everything that lies ahead—you’re ready for it.

I hope I can figure out a way to send this to you. If not, I guess you will see it around the same time I wrote it.

With love

Me/You

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Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: So the only idea for the Letters of Gratitude challenge that I came up with was my letter to Ruth, my wife. However, after some thinking of who else I might want to write to, the only other person that stuck out was me, at the start of this year. So... the above, in case it was not abundantly clear when you read it, was from November 2024 Paul to January 2024 Paul, because why make things straightforward, eh?

Here is my other entry:

Here are a couple of other things you might like to read: