A Letter To My Five Year Old Self

Hey, Baby. Wow, you turned five this year! That is a milestone that you probably do not realize is as big as it is. You've learned so much since you were born. You can communicate with your mom. You can tell her when you are feeling hungry, thirsty, when you are tired or cold. You may not always know how to communicate in the best way, but as you grow, you will. Sometimes it will still be hard, but you will continue to learn. You will be starting Kindergarten this year. I know that you don't really know what that means, but you are starting an incredible journey that will last for years to come. You will meet some awesome people and a couple friends that will last you a lifetime. Be careful not to get attached to too many people, as not as many as you would like will stick around as long as you think now. Let me talk to you about a few things that are going to happen in your life.

So far, in life, we have made it to twenty four. I know that seems like such a long time away, but your life is going to fly by. You are going to be very happy, very sad, very mad, and sometimes you'll be all of these at once and you wont be entirely sure how to handle it. But, please do not be afraid. You will make it through it. It will be very scary, but you will make it through.

The toughest thing that you will ever face by the age of twenty four will be when you are in sixth grade. You will lose your papaw. I know, this is very scary and sad. This is something that you will never fully recover from and you will have days that you just sit and cry and you will not be sure if the sadness will ever end. The answer is no. You will learn how to cope with it, but some days you will struggle. Please, hug him. Hug him tight. Tell him that you love him a few extra times for me. That is your best friend now, and he always will be. I can assure you that he will never fully leave your side. He leaves you signs along the way to show you that you're okay and that you've got this. Be there for your mama, she is losing her world. You're going to see her cry when you guys talk about him. He will be on your mind and in your conversations every single day from here on out. There will not be a day pass that you do not love and miss him and his hugs. You'll find a tape later on of you guys singing together that you can convert to a file on your computer, so you will hear his voice again soon. Please stay strong for your mama and your mom. They both lean on you more than you understand right now, but you will understand after you are out of high school.

A few years after you graduate, you will be taking care of your mama. I know, the bright, full of life mama that you see and love will need you more than ever. You and your mom will fight a lot, but this will change so please do not be afraid. Open up, and be yourself. You guys will ban together and doo what is needed to be done. You will not like it, but please do not beat yourself up because you did the very best that you could. You will lose your aunts and uncles, but did you ever really have them anyway?

Always know that you can lean on your fiancé, Neil, who you will meet in high school. Your friends Joseph and Sara are friends for a lifetime, when everyone else has left. Don't be too sad over the losses, they lead to great things. You are going to college for your dream career. You still are struggling and your mental health is declining, but just keep pushing. Please, never, ever give up.

Throughout school, people are going to make fun of you. Not just for your weight, but how you dress and the fact that you are as creative as you are and you are not afraid to hide that fact about yourself. You will also meet some people who will love you because of your open personality. Please do not fret the people who talk bad against you, you will go farther than they ever thought possible. You already have.

You will have so many struggles and hardships. Deaths, bills, shutoff notices, vet and hospital stays and bills. But, please know that you will make it through everything and it will all mold you into the woman that you are when this is being written. You will continue to grow and become an even better woman. You are a great wife and dog mom. Maybe one day you will be a mom to a little mini version of you.

Because of you, I am confident that some people's lives are better than they would had been without you.