A 💎 in the rough

I've

H

A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH

As the thirty-thirty bells ranged. The class packed up their things and dispersed like the world was coming to an end. When in actuality it was only the beginning. That’s right it was the freakin weekend. Once I packed my things in my locker I headed for the nearest exit. Ah! I can see my sense of escape approaching just as Toya was coming around the corner. Let me give you the run down on her. Toya was my bestie and she kept me informed with the latest hearsay or upcoming events. The halls were congested with students hoarding the hallways. Then Finally, I could see the exit vastly approaching in front of us .Ah! Freedom Friday.

As we talked and walked I noticed that a car creeped alongside of us and the driver spoke “hey Toya!” the pretty boy said as his devilish smile left my emotional intelligence up in the air. I sighed because if I named my diary it would be called a tale of emotional conception. “Hey Brandon”

“What’s up with your shea butter friend right beside you?” he responded. Did he just refer to me as an adjective? He turned down the music as his momentum tried to keep up with their stride. Brandon eyes were visually inspired by mines and I wasn’t sure if that was a risk worth taking although id had a crush on him since like forever. Shoot! His smile was welcoming but it was the way he licked his lips that let me know he preferred something more tasteful. Apparently, he figured I was on the menu. “Which one? There’s so many”

“The brown skin that I'm just looking to get in on your right”

“Girl If I’m not mistaken I think he talking about you diamond” Toya replied “well he can’t be talking to me because this girl has a name. Not to mention bad boys ain’t my type so. You can keep it pushing”

“I’m not a bad boy all the time. By the way what’s your name lovely?”

“I don’t know if I should tell you. I don’t need you to get the best of me”

“Hmm! The best is yet to come” He said as he sucked his teeth Dana said just rolled her eyes at him then looked at Toya. She didn’t give me any help. Shoot! “Hmm! It’s dana”

“Dana. Ah! I like that. What if I told you that I was a good guy underneath all this dark chocolate?”

“Did I also fail to mention that I don’t like ignorance?”

“Sometimes ignorance is blissful”

“Well miss me with that bullshit. I’m an intellectctual. So you’re going to have to elevate your game to talk to me” Dana said as she grabbed Toya’s arm and cut through a row of cars.

The car sped up as he bent a couple rights to catch up to us. “I like girls who like girls too” he replied. I saw Toya cut an eye at him and the smirk upon her face make me question his motives. So I ignored his comment as we kept walking towards the projects. I hear Brandon’s car anymore so good ridden. “I knew he wasn’t in my league if he gave up that easily”

“Dana! You just blew off Brandon like he was a dandelion. Do you know who he is?”

“Of course I know who he is. I’ve had a crush on him as long as I can remember”

“Well in case you didn’t know. That’s gutta’s tight hand man and he controls the Westside “get money crew” you mean to tell me you haven’t heard of him?”

“No but obviously I’m not receptive to everything you tell me either. Therefore In so many words Brandon’s your average dope boy”

“Duh! Who you think has been funding all the senior parties. He’s the big baller around school”

“I guess”

“Meanwhile someone has his sights on you”

“What do you mean” diamond said as Toya gestured with a nod that Brandon was coming. “Hey yall wait up!” Brandon said as he ran pass them with and came to an abrupt stop like he had crossed the finished line. As he stood in front of them to catch his breath. They looked at each other unaware of what was to follow. “For a dope boy you need to get your wind up don’t you think?”

“That’s neither here nor there do “he say trying to catch his breath “damn! Yall are fast”

“I thought I told you to level up before you step to me”

“I did and now that I’m here. I’m ready to apologize for my trangressions back there.”

“It’s all in the past”

“But not this moment. I was excited from the thought of your presence and I only spoke what came off the top of the dome”

“Well a mind is still a terrible thing to waste” “yeah I agree. Now may I have the pleasure of re-introducing myself? If it pleases you to allow me to do so”

“I’ll entertain you once more”

“This ought to be interesting” Toya said as she did a little folding of the hands. Brandon cleared his throat. “My name is Brandon mc call and I was wondering if you haven’t found another brother worthy of taking you to the valentine’s dance then I’d like to shoot my shot”

“Oh! I wasn’t expecting that. Ok. I’m game. Since it’s the middle of January. There is still roughly a few weeks away from the dance but this moment has a deadline. You got tilt the end of the month to convince me. So tell me Brandon. How many shots will it take for you to penetrate my heart?

“All I need is one” he said as he kneeled down and reached for diamonds hand like a knight ready to be validated. I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t realize the school crowd had caught up to us. Everyone gathered around this spectacle like it was being televised. My heart was pounding and I had also started to blush unexpected from the being put on the spot. I guess it was the first time I had experienced real pressure and who would have thought it would have become from my crush? “I am someone special. Therefore, I want this moment to be real.”

“What’s the point in being special if you have no one to share it with? All I ask of you is to let me be the one to make you feel special on Valentine’s Day. May I have this pleasure dana” he said as he grabbed my hand to kiss it. I couldn’t believe I melted like butter sitting out on a hot day. I had to tell my emotions. Control yourself. As the crowd oh’d and ah’d. I looked around for suggestions amongst my peers but Toya’s opinion was the only one that seems to matter. Her nod gave me the assurance that I needed. “Hmm! Ok Brandon. Well played.”

“Is that a yes!” he said as he jumped up with excitement. “I mean thank-you but the pleasure would be all mines.” My crush was no longer a crush because I was finally acknowledged by him. I found myself to be smiling as we exchanged numbers. “Don’t be afraid to use it”

“Trust me I won’t... I’ll shoot you a text just as soon as I hop in the whip” “boy bye” Toya said as she pushed him. As He walked away he turned to look at me and blew me a kiss a kiss in my direction but it was intercepted by Toya blocking the view.

“It’s a dance and nothing more diamond. Right?”

“Yeah”

“Yeah right! You know he usually gets what he wants. If you don’t know it by now. You’re definitely on the top of his food chain”

“Well he gone have to try harder than that. I thought you said he was- why did you give me you’re an approval then.”

“That was before my second thought kicked in. don’t say I didn’t warn you. He done been around the block before where as you haven’t even stepped off the porch yet”

“How do you know “

“Because I been fallen off that son of a bitch”

“What did he mean by he like girls that like girls?”

“See what I mean. I bet you didn’t even know I was bi-sexual either.”

“No I figured you were bi-curious though by how friendly you were with everyone”

“No dana! You only curious if you’ve thought about it. I like my ice cream with or without the spoon in it”

“Meh! I will never view my snack the same way again. I plan to save my ice cream for marriage”

“Why”

“Because I want to graduate before I even think about populating America. I don’t want to be another statistic”

“Well don’t do whatever it takes to become one. I’ll see you later dana”

“Ok call me later”

“I will if you’re not on the phone with Brandon”

“Ugh! Don’t do that” I said as I detoured to the house.

“Where did the time go? The valentines dance was upon me and love was in the air for me and Brandon. We had managed to become inseparable. When he wasn’t ripping and running the streets he was showering me with gifts. I was so off beat that I didn’t even have time for Toya or anyone else. He made the time to be on my side. I started to notice his softer side and he was funnier than I could ever imagine. I didn’t give him the credit for his intelligence because stupidity is still a “dumb ditty dumb” somehow I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was a good guy who’s straddling the fence between well-made or being self-made. You’d think he’d learn from his father’s mistakes though. He told me how his father died chasing the taste of success from the streets. Brandon felt the need to honor his father’s legacy and guess who was there to fill the void? Gutta of course. How practical of him to become influential to Brandon and took him in as his own.

Therefore he was being groomed to be the next in command. Although he was the man around town. I didn’t want to boost his ego anymore by telling him. I thought he was the “bomb diggity” I refused to come off as thirsty like these others chicks. However, what was this mystery that lured the others in? Was it the money? Or the good looks that preceded him not to mention the poetic suaveness that puzzled me? Surely he must have other tools of persuasion. Whatever it is it has to be good enough to make me disregard my better judgement. I better be careful with him because I’m falling for him at a drastic rate. The typical problems of a teenage girl I guess. I sighed as I combed my hair. There was a knock on the door before it opened. It was my mom. “Dana! How close are you to being ready? Shouldn’t your date be arriving any minute?”

“Yes I’m just about done but could you’d you help me zip up my dress. Please?”

“Of course baby.” She said as she walked in the room and stood behind me as I looked into the mirror. “I thought you told me you were done about an hour ago?”

“I wanted my choice of appearance to be worth the impression I made as I walked into the dance. However, you know as well as I know you can’t rush the process. It ain’t easy being beautiful”

“I really don’t understand what you’re trying to say because you were beautiful then and you still are now”

“I know. I wish my dad was here to see how pretty I looked”

“I know you do. I wish he was here to help me raise you as well. Even though I feel I did a mighty fine job. Nevertheless, I guess prison was more important than being here with us”

“Why doesn’t he write me back?”

“I don’t know diamond. You’re going to have to ask him when you see him but don’t let that ruin your night. There are only three good things that your daddy has ear de with me pertaining to you”

“Mom! Please don’t go there”

“What? I was only going to say. That he helped me bring you into the world. Next started to acknowledge you after the DNA test confirmed you as his child and-“

“You mean dana”

“Why are you telling me your name? I know that’s your name silly”

“No that’s what they call me at school and it’s aggravating at times knowing that my name represents the possibility.”

“Hmm! Well I guess I learn something new daily but did you know if could be worse?”

“What could be worse than the use of my name being used in a thought of a child be a possibility?”

“I see your point but you should be grateful I didn’t name you Maxine because then they would have been calling you maxi pad.”

“ew! I am so grateful that you thought this through. Dana suits me well. It has grown on me over the years. Oh! By the way was the third good deed my father did with you concerning me?”

“I’ll never forget the first time he held you and looked into you glossy hazels and said to you “you are someone special” that’s why I tell you that on the regular. So you won’t forget it”

“And I appreciate it to mom” I said as I turned to hug her. She smiled as she started to tear up. I walked over to my jewelry box to retrieve a pair of my pearl earrings and my grandmother’s wedding ring. I also put on my favorite necklace which just happens to be a choke collar I received from Brandon and then I put it on. “Mom! It’s too early for tears. Can you please save those for graduation” I said as I noticed my mother’s reflection in the mirror seem to be fixated on my particular choice of accessory. I already foresaw this was about to be a debatable topic “I suppose I could hold out for a few more months but Dana.”

“Yes momma”

“I understand you feel the need to express your individuality but why are you wearing a choke collar to the dance?”

“Because I can”

“If you value your life. You better regulate the tone in your voice. Just because you’re close to graduation doesn’t mean that the paramedics won’t have a problem recessitating you. If you don’t remember who you’re talking to just remember I was the giver of life to you. Which reminds me? Don’t do something that may bring you a life time of regrets”

“I won’t momma. I don’t need to hear Dorothy’s story of how I was mad in glory”

“Ha! I thought you knew because I don’t mind tilling it to you again. You deserve to be happy and that kind of happiness should come after marriage. I’ve been in a rut your whole life and then some. I want you to get out of here and do something different with your life. I don’t want you to be confined to these project walls like I did. Do you know why they call it the projects Dana?”

“Why”

“Because that’s what little boys look for. Something to do. Don’t become another victim of savannahs mirage. I came to that realization over the airs that it ain’t even about me anymore. After you were born. Life became about me making sure you find a life on the other side. I want you to Brach out and do your own thing. Just promise me you’ll pick any college away from here. Explore your options and don’t get stuck on stupid like this boy. What was his name again?”

“Brandon”

“Brandon who? McCall”

“Yeah! That’s him”

“Lord has mercy on you. I know who that is. As a matter of fact” Dorothy said as the knocks on the door interrupted her. “Dana I’m not going to lecture you but please be careful. I don’t trust him. Don’t take too long to finish up. Meanwhile I’ll be downstairs interrogating your little friend Brandon. Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“Yes momma. I’m sure” I said as I put my hair in a ponytail. Hmm! I think I’m going to leave it down. Before she left she gave me a look of disgust as if I had just sealed my fate. How much damage could be done in just one night? Obviously Dorothy was tripping. She has always run her household based off a pastoral standards. Trying to teach me the right from wrong of her mistakes. Nevertheless, if I could recall correctly. It’s the pastor kids who were the worst. Meanwhile I will just have to govern myself accordingly.

“oh yall look so good together’ Dorothy responded as Brandon kissed me on the cheek and slide a flower behind my ear. I couldn’t differentiate between who was being phonier. All I could do was smile at the thought there of. “Brandon could you do me a favor”

“yes maim” anything”

“Could you make sure you have my child home at a reasonable hour”

“I’ll try” he replied. “Well in that case make it ten”

“Humid mean I will have her home and tucked in by midnight”

“If I thought that then I might as well believe “money grows on trees”

“It does depending on the tree but I’ll take good care of Dana Ms. Dorothy. Don’t you worry” he said as he hugged her. Dorothy just looked at them. Distastefully. Her disapproval only made me want to know him more. “That’s interesting to know that you think money grows on trees. I know that’s wrong and I would like to prove your theory not to be true Brandon. Tell me Brandon. Does your mother know what you do outside of school? Does she know your selling that stuff like you pops was?”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about MS Dorothy?”

“Sure you do but if you think you’re going to lie to me in front of my face and walk away with my daughter you got another thing coming. You’re already starting off on the wrong foot with me. I know your name is ringing across the west side just like your father’s use too. Now to get to the point. Give me hundred dollar bill” she said as she held her hand out. “Why” Dana replied out of curiosity.

“Insurance purposes. I’ll tell you when the moment presents itself” Dorothy replied. Brandon looked at her as he pulled out a wad of money. He flipped through the bills until he found a crisp cool hundred dollar bill and handed it to her. Then she turned to inspect it by holding it up to the light. “Hmm! I guess there’s nothing to funny about this money. It’s real.”

“Of course it is just like this money I’m getting”

“Is that so? Well there’s no need of me stalling yall any longer. Whatever is going to happen is already underway. I hope yall have fun because there’s nothing new up under the sun or the moon for that matter.” She said as she gave Dana a hug. This hug was different from the ones she was accustoming to. It was tighter than usual. If only I knew what it meant. Would I have even paid attention? Before we left my mom snapped a few pictures for remembrance. Whoever came up with the concept of capturing the moment must have had good intentions but I can bet you that his mistakes never left the dark room.

“Happy Valentine’s Day dana” Brandon said as he pulled my body close. Oh! He smelled so good I sighed as I became magnetized to his chest. Everyone was dancing and having a good time. On the dance floor I could see the confidence level of the guys shoot through the roof as they tried to get there Mack on. Hmm1 it must be the complimentary concoction of the Brandon himself. Meanwhile the less fortunate held the wall up from fear of rejection. “Same to you Brandon”

“Don’t you just love this day?”

“I do because this is the day I want to get married on. One day”

Ha! You must watch a lot of Disney movies”

“So! What if I do? ‘What’s wrong with having a fairy tale ending?”

“Oh! Nothing” he said and then he chuckled. “What’s so funny?”

“I was just thinking. You let me be the one to make it happen”

“Yeah right. You don’t even strike me as marriage material.”

“Ouch! That was cold. I wish I could be in your head for five minutes to see what you fantasize about”

“You wouldn’t last a couple of minutes in there. You wouldn’t believe how much information I consume in a day. I'm a sapio-sexual if you can wrap your mind around that”

“I understand that completely. And that’s why I decided to give you a special nickname”

“A nickname? What corny nickname could you possibly give me Brandon? “

“It’s not corny”

“Well lets here it and it better not be stupid either”

“There were a lot of names that ran through my mind. But diamond was the one that seem to resonate with me”

“Why?”

“Because you are precious all the way down to the touch and I cherish that. I can’t wait another minute. You not like the others”

“Thank you very much. I’ve never been the one to follow. I do what I want to because I want to do it.”

Ah1 she’s sexy and conceited with the intelligence to back it up. I can see you’re going places and I would like to be the one to take you there”

“I like the sound of that. If it wasn’t a part of a dream that you’re trying to get me to buy into”

“Now why would I do that? I love you diamond. How about you pay attention”

“I am. How much do you think you love me?” she asked.

As they gazed into each other’s eyes. He gave her a small peck on the cheek. “Clearly that’s not even good enough but about this this diamond I think it fits me just right. Now I see you got some sense up-top”

“But it what’s below that has nuttin to do with it”

“Now that actually made a lot of sense.”

“I’m a poet at heart”

“Me too “I said. Next he kissed me on the lips. “How about now?”

“You’re starting to get on the right track”

“I could show you just how much I really love but first there’s something you got to do”

“And what’s that?” she replied. He kissed her on the neck to the point it made a passion mark and whispered softly in her ear. “You got to crawl before you walk”

“What does that even mean?”

“Come with me and I’ll show you” Brandon said as he sweated me off my feet.

Nutting didn’t even feel longer than the ride back to the house. I was distraught for one reason or another. I didn’t feel good about what we’ve done. I felt dirty underneath somehow. This had to be all wrong. Brandon on the other hand seemed to be smiling as he held my hand along the way.it provided some comfort. Therefore it didn’t hurt as much. “Do you still love me?”

“Yeah of course I do”

“Then why can’t you say it”

“Because I already said it. Stop tripping diamond. If you stick with me I’ll take you to the top” he said as he pulled up to the apartment building. He sticking around with me seemed to hurt a lot. Especially since I never had done anything like that before. I started to wonder if this was how Toya had fallen off the porch. “What am I to you Brandon?”

“You’re my diamond”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m trying to figure out if wearer together or not.”

“If that’s what you want to call it”

“Well if that’s the case aren’t you going to open the door for me?”

“Nah! What’s wrong with your hands?”

“What the hell? Is that really how you feel?” diamond said as she got out and tried to slam the car door off the hinges. She was so ticked off that she tried to plow through him but her rage lost its fuel when she bumped in to him and he didn’t bulge. “Diamond I was just playing with you baby. I love you for real”

“Well you need to act like it. By the way I don’t play games”

“It won’t happen again. I’m sorry if it makes you feel better. I’ll call you in the a.m.’

“Ok I love you Brandon” I said as I walked off. Honestly I should have kicked him but he slapped me on the butt to prove he was the alpha in this situation. Before I went in the house I watched him drive off. After I unlocked the front door. I saw the very display remind me that I was an hour pass the deadline “oh shoot! I broke curfew” I thought. As I took my feels off at the stairs to attempt to sneak up to my room and pretend this was all a dream. I started to take a sneak peak in my mother’s room to see if she was sleep but I ruled against it. And turned around and entered my room. The moment I flipped on the switch and saw her sitting there. I knew I had already messed up. Fuck! I waited for my eyes to adjust as they came into focus. My mother was sitting on my bed. I stuttered because she was already one step ahead of me at least. Curse these project stairs. “So the morning comes quicker than you two of you I see”

“I’m sorry momma I let time get the best of me” “that’s not all that has gotten the best of you either. I can smell the stench all over you’

“But momma I can explain”

“Oh really now! This ought to be quite hilarious. Well lets here it”

“Um! Um! He told me he love me and I would rise to the top with him”

“Oh! I bet you did in the back seat of his Chevrolet for a couple of minutes of shame. What’s crazy is we both saw he had a pocket full of money and he didn’t even consider you special enough for a night in a hotel room. So hoe do tell.”

“Momma” Dana said as her eyes began to tear up. “Don’t you momma me! You know what I’m not going to even tell you that I told you so. You wanted to be grown before time. Unfortunately I hope you got what you were looking for. This is the real world and it’s not a nice place and also in this real life setting don’t nobody really care about you. I’m so disappointed in you” Dorothy said as she grabbed her belt. Dana had flinched from the fear of being hit

“Momma I’m sorry please don’t beat me”

“Sorry is what that poor excuse of a man just did to you for selfish gains. However he probably won’t be the last. Oh! You thought I was going to hit you didn’t you? I should strangle you right now but no worries. I don’t plan to whoop you anymore because life is about to knock the hell out of you. I bet he didn’t even you use a condom did he?”

“I. I don’t remember”’

“Hmm! So it was fast as lightning” Dorothy said as she chuckled but her demeanor turned back to animosity. “Ain’t no daughter of mine about to be no cum catcher under my roof. Do you remember what I said before yall left about money?”

“It’s real”

“That’s right. Now if you had ninety-nine real problems before. Well now you got one-hundred. So here you go. These bills won’t come easy to you” Dorothy said as she got up and handed her the money. Dana wept sorrowfully. “What’s this for momma?”

“I’m glad you asked. Since you don’t want to abide by my rules in my house. You can live by your own rules on your own. I had one job as a parent. Just one and that was to keep you from becoming a version of my former self”

“You did a good job with me momma. I was the disobedient one”

“True but apparently my best wasn’t the best I had at all. If only you knew what I had to sacrifice for you’ Dorothy said as she walked over to the closet to pull out a travel bag. “It pains me to say this out loud but if I would have just swallowed then I wouldn’t have this problem to burden myself with. Therefore I could have continued to do me. Now get out of my house” “what- What am I supposed to do?’

“That’s none of my business now. Call your so-called boyfriend if you can. If he was good enough to lie with then he should be good enough to stay with” she said as she pushed me out the door and slammed it.

I woke up abruptly from my nightmare that seems to re-occur on the same day that caused all my problems. Although I graduated that following may of that year with my class. I still walked across the stage pregnant with what dignity I had left. My mother didn’t even come celebrate this milestone because she felt I had disgraced her. Meanwhile, shortly after graduation. Gutta’s was gunned down and Brandon became his successor. He couldn’t balance the streets or his ties to Bianca and I. its crazy how I can’t seem to ween myself from off of him. Somehow I still love him. However, our child is what keeps me magnetized to him. Ugh! I wouldn’t change my daughter for nothing in the world but if I could change her daddy. Hmm! I would do it in a heartbeat. I’m twenty-eight now and I’m still no closer to my dreams than when I first believed in love a decade ago. I sighed as I sat up to roll a joint. It was the only thing at the moment that could alleviate my stress. I got up to check on Bianca. She was sleeping so peacefully. I couldn’t seem to find my lighter so I used the stove to light my joint. Police sirens blared through the city of savannah but that didn’t come to surprise me. As a matter of fact didn’t anything surprise me to much anymore? Once I finally got back to my room and sat on bed. I just looked at the diary because I didn’t believe in a fairy tale kind of love anymore. So why do I find myself still writing in it? I opened it to she Janine’s hand-writing.

“You can call it what you want but just make sure you write in it sometimes. Don’t forget to speak your reality to yourself” signed Janine.

P.S. - Oh! Upon writing in this book. Keep in mind that what you want is probably not actually what you need but either way you’re going to have to give up a lot to get it.

Ha! Janine and her old sayings of the wise. I got to stop smoking this stuff. I thought as I flipped through the diary. What! There’s no way. I know I ain’t going crazy myself. How is it possible for this book to be completely empty? I must be losing it. I looked to my alarm clock to see it was 1:11a.m. Ah! Its affirmation time. What will I affirm today? I will get married to a gift from God this time next year.” I said as I exhaled the smoke. I guess I will call it a journal. I reopened it and begun to write in it.

Dear journal,

What’s the price of fame if you don’t know my name? Who am I might you ask? Diamond is my name or at least that’s what the devil he whispered to me. My mother use to tell me that everyone didn’t mean me well. Nevertheless, where was my father at? He was supposed to protect me when I needed him the most. Now I’m consumed by the hood but it’s all good because one day. I will leave this place for good. I could never erase the pain that I felt from the past haunting and reminding me of all this baggage I lay claim to because of the company I kept. I have been lied to by so many men. Those good intentions are a false sense of hope. I was robbed of my innocence. So now every man that desires me thinks I’m the opposite. If I had a voice in the street back then. I don’t even remember screaming. Can someone tell me? Where is the tree of life in the ghetto? I don’t feel too bad because even eve was deceived of such clarity once she got a taste. I am more than a diamond. I hope that my future husband can see that my clarity is priceless…

Diamond concludes her passage as she put her journal back on the night stand. “That’s strange. The clock was still stuck on 1:11a.m. I know I can’t be that high. I only took a few puffs. Right?” she said as she rubbed her eyes and took another glance. “It’s still showing the same results. This has to be my year for love and I claim it “she said aloud then drifted back off to sleep.

So Tell me. what do you think about it?

l

I

I