Frozen Love

Dear Diary,

It was December 21, the first day of winter. For the first time in my life I actually understood what survivors' guilt must feel like. One year ago I was forced to decide who I would entrust my heart to. Would it be my high school sweetheart, Roland, who supplied me mentally? Or would it be my college romance, Jared, who supplied me sexually? I mean they both made me happy in more ways than one. Nevertheless, my heart was floating in troubled waters. If it wasn’t for that frozen pond then my heart wouldn’t have been won over by my true love.

Some of my fondest memories came from ice skating with my lovers at this discreet location every year since I was a little girl. I used to admire couples who could skate through life together and on this particular day I had to die for love’s sake, literally. I would become his sacrificial love, so I called Roland and Jared to meet me at our secret spot and dressed for the occasion.

When I got there the gust of wind tried to blow some sense into me but with both of them in my view it made my sense uncommon to the possibility of a great ultimatum. “Who would skate to their fate?” I asked.

I gave Jared home court advantage because he was the underdog in this situation. I understood him because we were both broken to the point we completed each other. Nevertheless, Roland was determined to win because he knew me within.

As I skated with them both. My heart became overwhelmed because I remembered a time when I wanted more but I was at the point that love may not live here anymore. The way they held me as we slid around the ice. I was being inconvenienced from my comfort zone. With each touch I felt my heart melt. “Why can’t I do whatever feels right in each other's sight?”

As I stood in the middle of the frozen pond I had them both go to opposite ends of the pond so I could make myself the center of their attention as I attempted to make a decision. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath before I exhaled and took off. I smiled at the thought of having them both at my favorite spot made the moment more intriguing. Nevertheless, I told myself, “It takes a fool to learn that love don’t love nobody.” Which made me wonder, “How can they feel me if they don’t feel what i’m going through? If they understood what i’m going through then they would know there’s no easy way out. My heart felt prepared itself for five below and I wanted to feel love as bad as I needed to breathe and that's when I knew what I had to do.So I serenaded them with one last dance before I bored a hole in the ice and sunk in. Roland and Jared bolted to the center to save me but the under current had shifted me.

I desired the one who would save me but I couldn't see through the frosted ice. Jared and Roland tried to save me. Meanwhile, my hope and time was limited. So I persevered with enough strength to take my skate off and carve “I love you” as I felt my soul exiting my body but in reality it was my soulmate tying a knot. It was Roland who unfroze my cold, cold heart.